So now, fast forward to the late 20th and early 21st century. A lot of people died working to end institutionalized racism, black and white. The end of segregation and Jim Crow laws in this country paved the way for many changes in Attitudes, which developed from the forced changes in behavior. For example: all citizens of this country are now allowed to vote. You can't deny someone housing or a job because of their race or culture. There are even changes in attitudes about physical appearances; some of you may remember references on TV and the movies about women yelling in horror to their men, “Is my butt too big?” I remember Lucy checking Ethel about not being able to wear her clothes “because of your wide hips.” Ok, so in case you’re still not certain where I’m going with this, look around or think about many of the African American women you know. What’s a commonly held, prominent feature in these women, and I’m not referring to their noses? Right, so when did it become acceptable for us to celebrate our ass-ets? Remember JLo walking across the stage at the Grammy’s, and the the collective gasp when she turned to reveal that deeply cut V in the back? So in many ways, the minister's children are right. Things have changed.
However, the attitudes and behaviors of the past continue to impact us today. Black folk really need to make more of a conscious effort to fight against some of the assumptions of our collective pasts. We also need to recognize that we are unknowingly passing these attitudes down to our children. Internalized racism is subtle and invasive. Children are not born racist or prejudiced. Oftentimes, this distortion is passively absorbed, that is, by watching the valued adults around them and applying that as their example.
I know that I cannot protect my child from all hurts and harms in this world, but I've decided that I want him to have a balanced point of view that will allow him to make a better informed decision about who he wants to be. I love the milk chocolatey complexion of my son's skin. I tell him almost daily, affirming that what he sees in the mirror is more than acceptable. I deliberately do not cut his hair to the scalp because I want to facilitate an appreciation for it's cottony soft wooliness. It does not need to be fixed, and no, I'm not a neglectful parent because I don't take him to the barber shop. His hair is beautiful and I want him to recognize that. I allowed my Heart and Soul to spend a day with a male adult friend, to get that male bonding thing going that I hear so much about. Anyway, when he was returned to me, my friend had taken MY son to the barber shop and shaved his head. I considered and later discarded the notion of shaving HIM, so instead, I calmly informed him that both my son and myself prefer him to have longer hair. He looked at us like we were from Mars. My brother in law also makes comments about my son needing a hair cut; recently he was going on about it and then ran a hand across his scalp. "Aw," BIL concluded, "that's why you don't cut it. He's got that 'good hair!!' (Don't get me started on this topic because this is a whole nutha post!!) So again, I just calmly replied, "it's all good if you take care of it." This is what I mean by subtle and invasive. If I don't give my son another point of view and try to balance out these outdated notion of what's acceptable, my son is going to grow to hate the very things that make him special. And then, perhaps he'll begin to see flaws in his friends and reject people based on these superficial characteristics.
Our skin, hair, our physical features are beautiful, just because God created us that way. I love the way my hair reaches upward to heaven without any effort on my part. And I think it's a darn shame African Americans are supporting the black hair care industry with their compulsive purchases of weaves and perms! All to gain straight silky hair. This was not God's plan for most African people. I want my son to appreciate everything that makes him his own unique self. At the grand ole’ age of 7, he already knows that the qualities of a good friend are not based on the color of someone's skin or cultural values, but whether or not they are willing to share their toys. There is no difference in his love for Glenys (Chinese American female), Emmanuel and Victoria (Sudanese siblings), Carlos (Mexican American male), Ryan (Caucasian male) and Wesley and Nicholas (African American males). He holds in equal distain "dark white"Marcus (“he took my crayons ,”) and Jonathan (African American male, “he doesn’t want me on his team!!).
However, the attitudes and behaviors of the past continue to impact us today. Black folk really need to make more of a conscious effort to fight against some of the assumptions of our collective pasts. We also need to recognize that we are unknowingly passing these attitudes down to our children. Internalized racism is subtle and invasive. Children are not born racist or prejudiced. Oftentimes, this distortion is passively absorbed, that is, by watching the valued adults around them and applying that as their example.
I know that I cannot protect my child from all hurts and harms in this world, but I've decided that I want him to have a balanced point of view that will allow him to make a better informed decision about who he wants to be. I love the milk chocolatey complexion of my son's skin. I tell him almost daily, affirming that what he sees in the mirror is more than acceptable. I deliberately do not cut his hair to the scalp because I want to facilitate an appreciation for it's cottony soft wooliness. It does not need to be fixed, and no, I'm not a neglectful parent because I don't take him to the barber shop. His hair is beautiful and I want him to recognize that. I allowed my Heart and Soul to spend a day with a male adult friend, to get that male bonding thing going that I hear so much about. Anyway, when he was returned to me, my friend had taken MY son to the barber shop and shaved his head. I considered and later discarded the notion of shaving HIM, so instead, I calmly informed him that both my son and myself prefer him to have longer hair. He looked at us like we were from Mars. My brother in law also makes comments about my son needing a hair cut; recently he was going on about it and then ran a hand across his scalp. "Aw," BIL concluded, "that's why you don't cut it. He's got that 'good hair!!' (Don't get me started on this topic because this is a whole nutha post!!) So again, I just calmly replied, "it's all good if you take care of it." This is what I mean by subtle and invasive. If I don't give my son another point of view and try to balance out these outdated notion of what's acceptable, my son is going to grow to hate the very things that make him special. And then, perhaps he'll begin to see flaws in his friends and reject people based on these superficial characteristics.
Our skin, hair, our physical features are beautiful, just because God created us that way. I love the way my hair reaches upward to heaven without any effort on my part. And I think it's a darn shame African Americans are supporting the black hair care industry with their compulsive purchases of weaves and perms! All to gain straight silky hair. This was not God's plan for most African people. I want my son to appreciate everything that makes him his own unique self. At the grand ole’ age of 7, he already knows that the qualities of a good friend are not based on the color of someone's skin or cultural values, but whether or not they are willing to share their toys. There is no difference in his love for Glenys (Chinese American female), Emmanuel and Victoria (Sudanese siblings), Carlos (Mexican American male), Ryan (Caucasian male) and Wesley and Nicholas (African American males). He holds in equal distain "dark white"Marcus (“he took my crayons ,”) and Jonathan (African American male, “he doesn’t want me on his team!!).
2 comments:
I deleted my post so you would just get it by e-mail. Well written post by the way.
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