Hope

We had our second visit with our new therapist Tuesday night. I am even more convinced that this was the best decision for our family and I'm kicking myself for not locating this agency sooner. Anyway, the session focused on rapport building with my son. He was initially quiet and shy, (so unlike my child). I was concerned because, as I have mentioned in an earlier post, social worker-types tend to put him into fight or flight mode. The session started off easily enough. It was not until the three of us were working on a project together that he gave in to his emotions. We were told to draw a picture of ourselves and then to turn the page over and draw pictures of our favorite things or interests. After awhile, I could see him getting frustrated by his drawings. For me, it was a toss up as to whether he would tantrum or cry. He started to cry. He was upset because he could not figure out how to draw clothing on his self-portrait. My son is a perfectionist; it's his way, I think, of managing his anxiety and fears. His therapist commented on the straight and orderly fashion in which he lined up his crayons and that they were lined up according to some pattern in his head. He chose the crayons one at a time and returned it to it's assigned spot when finished. This type of compulsiveness gets more noticeable when he is stressed.

The therapist and I talked for awhile after the three of us had completed our projects. She believes, as do I, that much of his acting out is fear based and takes place when he tries to manage his anxiety about a situation, person or place. This message held even more significance to me because of two things that have happened this week: 1) since our first session, I made a decision to "act" as if I were no longer frustrated with my son. We spent more time together, not just being in the same room at the same time, we worked on projects together and we talked and cuddled more often. The change in my "behavior" eventually led to a change in my emotions and attitude and I was able to fall back in love with my son again. (Just to be clear, I am drawing a distinction between 'in love' and 'love'. The 'love' I have for my child never changes). We made an agreement that I would stop yelling and he would stop defying me. So far, we have both kept our words to the other. One of the things I sometimes forget in the heat of battle is that when I am in peace and am able to create calmness in our home, more often than not, he is able to take that calmness with him and manage his emotions better; 2) I think I may have mentioned that my son was diagnosed with ADHD and is prescribed a stimulant to manage these symptoms. I was unable to fill his prescription this past week (long story) and he has not taken any medications for the past 5 days. Despite this, he has been successful in both his summer camp and daycare. The adults there remarked on his increased "bounciness," and I believe the staff in Youth church also commented that he had more trouble than usual sitting still, but no one complained about tantrums or defiance. It has not been suggested, but I am wondering now, as I've wondered before, whether or not my child actually has ADHD. I wonder, with a significant amount of hope now, what he will look like once we have completed the Theraplay® intervention, and whether a more secure attachment will resolve not only the anger outbursts but the hyperactivity and hypervigilance as well. We shall see.

Thank you Lord, for the peace and love we have reclaimed this week. Amen.