There was a discussion thread on a website I follow that asked the question about why it is so difficult for women, post late adolescence, to initiate and maintain friendships with each other. The responses varied; some commented on how women start to see each other as competitors, others have problems with low self-esteem, and then some commented about how, as women get older and start living their lives with husbands, boyfriends, children, careers, we stop making our female friendships a priority.
I think there's probably truth in each of these points of view. It makes me sad though; I miss making new friends and having new adventures. I remember when, as a late teen and in early adulthood, making new friends was easy and possible wherever you go. All you needed was a common interest and/or goal, and ta-daa!! BFF!!
These days, I'm lucky to get a solid "howdy-doo" in my day to day interactions with women. I have two friendships that have survived more than 20 years. We don't see each other daily or even talk on a regular basis, but the love I share with these women is just as solid now as it was when it first arrived. I like having the longevity of these relationships. It's nice to be able to share stories and memories with someone who was THERE!
"'Memba that time we went to the Gentlemen's Club? You still thinkin' bout dancing?"
"Have you heard from whassisname lately? Whateva happened to him?"
"Girl, how yo' mama doing? Tell her I said 'hey'" "You betta get over there and tell her yourself. She was just asking 'bout you the other day."
These friendships, based on a lifetime of shared memories, create ties that are as tight, perhaps even tighter, as blood. And I wouldn't trade either of them for the world.
But still, wouldn't it be nice to be at the coffee shop or bookstore, start a conversation about Tananarive Due's latest supernatural thriller, exchange phone numbers, meet for coffee again, and then just start down a new path with a new friend, based on that common interest? Not worrying about someone's jealousy that you'll flirt with their man or that you make more money, have more education or look better than they do? Wouldn't that be nice?
So, what stops us?
American association of cancer researchers
3 years ago
3 comments:
I don't have many female friends. And it was only within this year that I made the ones that I have.
I was one who rather hang out with the guys. For me it seemed as if I could be more myself. And not worry about backstabbing or if they thought I was after their man. So on so on.
Now with these new friendships I appriecate the women who I am around because they have showed me that it is possible to be friends with females with jealousy and cattiness (not a word).
If I can interject, I think it has to do with just moving on with you lives, as opposed to any comp.
@clnmike: that's possible and probably likely, but I wonder if men have similar problems as they get older? Or is the desire for this type of bonding different for men than women?
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