Love is in the Air

My best friend Chez got married yesterday!! We were kinda hoping that they would wait until we were together in March, but extenuating circumstances made January 28th the day! Yoo-hoo!





My bestest, ace, "I got yo back so neither of us die" friend, Vernon, is in the middle of his third honeymoon! They've been married three years, but she just safely returned from a 6 month deployment, hence the 3rd one. I think number two took place following HIS deployment.



To my guys, I love you both and I rejoice with you at this time. And to my new sisters? I pray for a long and lasting love. You both chose well.

Ah, l'amore, l'amore!!

Lost Hope

I have a friend who is struggling now. It makes me sad that I can't help her. I've tried but she views my help as unnecessary. She has built up a delusional system that a man she has known since high school is destined to become her husband. I don't use the word 'delusional' lightly. She has organized her entire life, LIFE on this belief. She has created a story, not based on reality, that she once miscarried a child with him and each time she has sex (unprotected), she takes a pregnancy test, under the misguided belief that this may keep him with her. Mind you, they are both in their early 30's now, he has been married not once, not twice, but three times since then; dealing with my friend in between and at times, during some of these marriages. He has had children by these and other women.

She says that a "prophet" foretold that God was gonna do a work in him and that if she just hung in there, he would be the man God has called him to be and eventually her husband. She has banked her entire life on the fulfillment of this prophecy.

Now, while I had my doubts, I'm not one to try and contain God or try to second guess what HE can or cannot do; so, I've been over here with the popcorn, eagerly anticipating this miracle. Until recently.

Ole' boy recently talked my friend back into bed, built up her hopes and yes, rejected her. AGAIN! For some dumb ass reason, one of her family members decided to confront ole' boy on the job. It got ugly, as you can imagine (she was totally out of line anyway, so I guess she deserved to have her feelings hurt). But here's the deal breaker for me:

I'm told, so I can't say I heard this for myself, but I'm told that ole boy said, "You see the way she crying over there? I got women all over the world crying for me, just like that. She's nothing."

Cold.

Was this the final straw that would enable my friend lay aside her hopes and dreams for this man? Nope. But you can see the beginnings of the cynic emerging. Her spirit reflects the beginning signs of lost hope, and it's a sad sight to see because this woman has a beautiful spirit; hopeful, outgoing, idealistic. It's going to be a shame to see that fade away over someone who is so far beneath her.

What I'm even more fearful of is the possibility of her lost hope and faith in God. I once told her that I did not believe that God intends for us to live in pain and fear; that perhaps, she is putting more weight than she should into the words of man, and ignoring the signs God has provided for her to indicate that she should move on. She didn't speak to me for a month. I figured then that this would be a lesson she would have to take on her own.

My heart is heavy for her and I am praying that she looks for and receives God's comfort and guidance. I pray that she does not allow an individual to distract her from hers and God's true purpose. And I am prayerful that if she finds her way to this post that she sees the love behind it's creation.

What happens here, stays here

Just in case you've ever wondered, there is a very good reason that women, once we reach a certain age, rarely go out in packs. That's because, inevitably, there will be trouble.

A good friend is celebrating her birthday this month and corralled a group of us to hang out with her this past Saturday night. We found interesting ways to abandon husbands, boyfriends, and children alike. Once we had our families safely and comfortably settled, we broke out on the town like bats out of hell and it was on for the rest of the night.

Without giving away the details (to protect the innocent), the evening involved an overabundance of alcohol, single dollar bills, scantily clad 20-somethings and no photographs. We rounded the evening up with sirens, flashing blue lights, and giggly dumb blond explanations.

Don't worry, we all made it safely home, back into the loving nooks of our beloveds, with nothing more than a good story to tell our grandchildren and secret smiles in our hearts.

I can't wait til next year!

Women As Friends

There was a discussion thread on a website I follow that asked the question about why it is so difficult for women, post late adolescence, to initiate and maintain friendships with each other. The responses varied; some commented on how women start to see each other as competitors, others have problems with low self-esteem, and then some commented about how, as women get older and start living their lives with husbands, boyfriends, children, careers, we stop making our female friendships a priority.

I think there's probably truth in each of these points of view. It makes me sad though; I miss making new friends and having new adventures. I remember when, as a late teen and in early adulthood, making new friends was easy and possible wherever you go. All you needed was a common interest and/or goal, and ta-daa!! BFF!!

These days, I'm lucky to get a solid "howdy-doo" in my day to day interactions with women. I have two friendships that have survived more than 20 years. We don't see each other daily or even talk on a regular basis, but the love I share with these women is just as solid now as it was when it first arrived. I like having the longevity of these relationships. It's nice to be able to share stories and memories with someone who was THERE!

"'Memba that time we went to the Gentlemen's Club? You still thinkin' bout dancing?"
"Have you heard from whassisname lately? Whateva happened to him?"
"Girl, how yo' mama doing? Tell her I said 'hey'" "You betta get over there and tell her yourself. She was just asking 'bout you the other day."

These friendships, based on a lifetime of shared memories, create ties that are as tight, perhaps even tighter, as blood. And I wouldn't trade either of them for the world.

But still, wouldn't it be nice to be at the coffee shop or bookstore, start a conversation about Tananarive Due's latest supernatural thriller, exchange phone numbers, meet for coffee again, and then just start down a new path with a new friend, based on that common interest? Not worrying about someone's jealousy that you'll flirt with their man or that you make more money, have more education or look better than they do? Wouldn't that be nice?

So, what stops us?

Dinner with Friends

Friday night, we decided to hang out with our friends, as a sort of celebration for getting through another week. We went to a newly opened Mexican restaurant, and while I can't speak for our friends, my Heart and Soul and I both walked away hungry. We had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches when we got home! Our friends have been in our lives for a couple years now, first as co-workers, then collaborators and finally bonding over the adoption of our respective children. Actually, the more accurate description would be to say that Baby G is friends with my son. She calls him "my best friend boy" or "my C"; I'm only tolerated in her world. Such are the whys and wherefores of a 4 year old. Enjoy the pix, we had fun making them!

Sentimental Friday: Good Friends

More and more each day, I appreciate the family of friends I have around me. I am, at times forgetful about how much love and joy they bring into my life daily. In the past several weeks, I have been so wrapped up in my own personal struggles that I ALMOST forget to recognize the folk who make it possible for me to get through.

So, I'm probably gonna get my self in trouble for making this short "Shout Out" list; but as the preachers say, "Charge it to my head and not my heart."

In no particular order:

Derrick: you have been my ram in the bush at least twice in the past two weeks. I know I don't tell you enough how special you are to me, but you really are.

Chez: I miss your face; I miss your voice. It's time for another road trip! You are the BEST travel buddy!

Beverly: editor, auditor, tissue holder, sounding board, trench buddy, coffee mate. Thank you.

Connie: please don't let go of my shirt tail. You keep me sane, girl, SANE. Ya HEARD me??!!

Doris: on behalf of my son, THANK YOU for your unconditional love and regard.

I can only pray that I am at least half the friend to you that you are to me. Peace!