This is a picture drawn by my son Monday night during our therapy session. He had had a rough day at school; had apparently refused to complete a trial spelling test, according to his teacher.
According to him, he became frustrated because he was unable to spell the words correctly. Unlike some children, he will not do something if he is not fully confident that he can do it 'perfectly.' The picture represents his broken heart and his tears as he worried how I would respond to the results of his test.
I felt like crap when I saw this drawing because I took the word of his teacher before I fully considered how he might have interpreted these events. I had fussed at him from the time I picked him up to the entire way to our session. Of course, my response confirmed his fears, right? Thank goodness we had our session tonight before more damage could be done. After we talked about his emotional and behavioral response, we did more touching and holding and reassuring for the remainder of the session. In fact he got so relaxed that he fell asleep in my arms, cuddled against me just like he did as a baby.
We are scheduled for an IEP meeting this Thursday at his school. Our therapist has agreed to attend to advocate for us, which is a very good thing. I spoke with his teacher Monday evening after we returned from the session and tried to offer an explanation for the behavior and tips to avoid future interactions and she pretty much blew me off. "I just wanted to tell you what happened today. He was really out of control today." This encounter activated my fear response, which manifests as anger, because of how easy it is for me to fall into their interpreation of his behavior. In their worldview, the problem lies entirely with my son. In the real world, it is the result of his interaction with that very much so flawed system. She didn't want to hear about how to help him avoid a repeat of today because she does not want to do anything to change her behavior. She just wants me to fix him. This is pretty typical of my encounters with his school staff; I am so glad that I won't have to speak for myself during this meeting. I'm also hoping I won't have to punch somebody in the throat. Y'all, please pray for me!!
3 comments:
praying for Thursday!
Do you know about 504 plans? They are plans that require the school to accomodate disabilities, including anxiety and ADD. It can be expensive to document the need for one since insurance won't pay for some of the assessments that you might need, but your therapist might help you get one.
My son has one. If he has an anxiety attack he is allowed to go to the office. They always call me, which is more for them than for me, then they sit him in a quiet room with a pad and paper for a while. He is allowed to make up any work he missed because of an anxiety attack. Since he pretty much will have to make it up after school or doing recess he doesn't use this to get out of work.
At the school he used to go to everyone was supposed to do this but they were horrible about it. At the new charter school they are great and it has made a big difference.
@Beverly: thanks, much needed.
@Yondalla: thanks for your feedback. Up to this point, the school has only agreed to formulate an IEP. I think your advice is solid and I need to push for the 504 on Thursday. I didn't realize there was a financial cost to the school and perhaps this is why this has not been suggested to us before now.
I really hate this school and the staff (harsh, I know, but you don't understand what a struggle this has been for us). They have made our lives unnecessarily difficult over the past 2 years. My son is more and more reluctant to go each day and I hate that for him. I will see if we can push the 504 option this week and in the meantime, I think I will investigate some of the Charter schools in the area.
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