I'm trying to work it out

If I can borrow an idea from a new blogging buddy, I'm going to use this space to work through some things I have going on in my head. For the last two years, I have felt like God was leading me to a crossroad. I am supposed to change something in my life, but for the life of me, I can't quite put my finger on what it is.

I have taken control over several out of control aspects of my life during this time. One of the more recent decisions was to begin therapy for our family. My weight has gotten SERIOUSLY out of control and about 3 months ago, I started running again. In January this year, I resumed guitar lessons and can actually start making music on that instrument instead of just noise. And I've started writing again; hence the blog. In fact, last week, I submitted a short story to a fiction writing contest with a $1000 first prize. Please keep your fingers crossed on that one. This was a MAJOR accomplishment for me, even though it is just a short story. I have THOUGHT about entering this contest since 2003 and I've only JUST gotten around to producing something (and completed in 2.5 weeks, by the way). I started writing fiction about the time I started talking, according to my family, however, I have let the burdens of adulthood pull me away from this creative outlet, and I think that may be part of the reason I went in and out of depression for awhile: no release.

Anyway, I feel myself coming alive again. Colors are brighter, sounds are sharper and my vision has cleared, yada, yada, yada, all of that sentimental, cliched nonsense. The more I explore this side of me, the more I want to do. I am constantly thinking about how to include workouts into my already overworked schedule and getting annoyed when something prevents me from getting on my treadmill. My guitar instructor keeps reminding me not to get discouraged that I can't play like him . . . YET!! I haven't received any feedback about my short story, of course, and yet I'm already outlining the next one and searching for other contests to enter. It doesn't matter to me what those judges think. I did the best I could and the product I produced pleased me. (I ain't gon lie though; that check would be quite sweet!). But for now, my pleasure in doing it is more than enough for me.

So, I don't know where I'm going with any of this. This meaning this post, my life, my music, my writing. As I said, I'm trying to get it clear in my head. You know that feeling you get when you want to express something, and the thought or word is just on the tip of your tongue? Well, that's where I am right now.