Random thoughts about love and relationships

That Otis Redding song, When a Man Loves a Woman, is the best and most consistent truisms EVER. Some of y'all need to go back and listen to it over and over again until you get it. Especially women who are pulling after men who "just aren't that into them." If he wants you, he's going to do whatever, and I mean WHATEVER it takes to get you.

I have two male casual friends who are jumping through hoops, turning cartwheels, bending over and pulling their butt cheeks apart over the women they have chosen to give their hearts to. These women can do no wrong. Now for friend A, maybe that's okay, cause, his girl is jumping through hoops too and their love and attachment to each other seems to be mutual. But dang, the boy can't even take a joke about that woman! He was telling some story about her tripping over her feet while they were at the mall and I guess I laughed too hard, cause he got all serious and self-righteous. I wanted to slap him.

Now casual friend B? His woman is taking him through the blues. But he is still smiling and he gives excuses for every episode of woman behaving badly. You can't talk about his woman either. "Y'all just don't understand. She don't mean it. She just had a bad day." Or here's a doozy I got a couple weeks ago, "well, maybe if I had've bought her the dress she wanted, she wouldn't have had to do that."

Okay, and that leads to my second random thought:

The power of the pussy. Or for my female counterparts, the awesome dick experience.

I tell ya, and unfortunately I have to include myself in this number, we can lose our everlasting mind when we find someone who can consistently hit our G-spot, can't we? I mean, what is UP with that? I really wish I understood how ONE person could accomplish what a dozen couldn't?

And now let's add a little guilt into the equation. Let's say, one of the partners cheat. But they decide to work through it and remain in the relationship. I'm thinking of another couple I know. They've been married, however long, but 5 or 6 years ago, he had an affair that produced a baby. Mind you, they got together because he was cheating WITH HER while he was involved with someone else, so I really don't understand why she's acting so surprised. Hell, that's who he is; that's what he does!!

Anyway, they opted to stay together. But that woman has worked this situation to DEATH! She has him hopping through hoops, she witholds sex, she ignores him, but gets pissy if he is out of pocket for longer than she thinks necessary. FOR FIVE YEARS! She has even made contact with HER ex-husband, the abuser, trying to seduce him into an affair and the only reason it didn't happen, was because he kept standing her up. Then ole girl goes back and confesses all to her husband. And he forgives her all. Because of his own guilt. The self-flagellation is getting on my nerves though. He keeps asking my opinion and if he keeps it up, I'm going to give it to him.

Oh, and can we talk about how people tend to take their partners for granted after awhile. You know, treat them like an old shoe; put it on when you need comfort but otherwise, just toss it into the back of the closet?

I know yet another couple, whose husband plays in a band, that is, when his wife can push him out of the house to actually work. He's really too pretty to work. Anyway, he tells her a month ago that he has been hired for a gig that will take him out of state and away for the entire month of February. She gets a call from him late one morning in which he tells her he is halfway to his destination. WHAT? Why didn't you tell me, she asks. Oh, he responds, I thought I did. Hmmm.

One of the reasons my ex is an ex is his belief that I fell at the bottom of his love food chain. He took a week long cruise with his family, which is not the part that annoys me. The day he was scheduled to return, my son and I had been eagerly anticipating him all day. We had prepared dinner, all of his favorites, my child had dusted off his cards and game board, we were ready to welcome our king back home. He called when the ship landed in Miami, "Can't wait to see you, baby." He called when the plane landed in our town, "Can't wait to see you baby, missed you terribly. How's my boy?" The airport is 20 minutes from my house. An hour and a half later (??!!), mind you, I had been calling and texting without a response from him, he calls and said that his sister wanted him to do something for her. And then another brother, who did not take the cruise, wanted him to stop by for a drink. And when he called, he was on his way over to his boy's house to tell him all about the trip. Anyway, my child and I did not actually SEE our king for two days; he had more important people placing demands on his time, you see. Our king was dethroned within the week. It's bad enough to disappoint me, but to disappoint my kid? Nah.

I love being in relationships, but I am also perfectly content when it's just me. My tolerance for the BS I just mentioned above is at a minimum, so if that is the price I would have to pay in order to be in a relationship, I'd rather be by myself.

I have two very good examples of the kind of love and commitment that I am looking for. And so, because I know it CAN happen, I can wait. My friends, some of the ones I've mentioned above, tell me that I am too hard on people, too demanding. I tell them that I have their examples, as well as some piss poor decision making in my own past, to know exactly what I DON'T want to deal with.

And then later, one or more my friends who are in stable, healthy relationships tell me,

"Sis, don't settle."

Sounds like advice I can live with.