Happiness is a choice

I think I have already expressed my intense satisfaction to have 2008 well behind me. 2009 is already promising to be much better and we are just barely into the second month.

I've been reflecting lately, trying to understand exactly WHAT is different. After all, I know that turning a page on a calendar has no real significant power and so there must be something else about this time in my life that is making the difference.

Peace reigns again in our house; my child is at a very peaceful place. In fact, things have been going so well, that we've just had our final therapy session. I think that we have both benefited and learned enough that we are now able to move ahead on our own.

My love life is still progressing s - l - o - w- l - y. But it is progressing! LOL! I figure that I'm not feeling the lack because of an abundance of love and attention given to me by my closest friends and family; I can only hope they feel the same about me. I don't know, that involvement and closeness that tends to develop around the holidays has continued even though we've all returned to our regular lives.

I feel really, really good now. I'm happy. And as I type this, I'm reminded that this time of the year is usually where I find myself at my lowest. I believe I have a form of seasonal affective disorder. As soon as daylight saving time begins and until it ends in the spring, I am typically sad, my outlook is gloomy, I feel like I have no purpose, I lack motivation and want to sleep ALL THE TIME. I think something about the extended daylight that we get during the spring and summer months energizes me in some way.

I can honestly say that I'm not THERE this year. Yaaayyy. I'm not at my maximum energy; like I said, I think the SAD thing is real for me, but I am still active, I have a purpose, I look forward to each day, and I'm not getting enough sleep because I'm trying to fit too much stuff into a single day. It's a nice change.

So, what's different?

I've got several interesting challenges at work. I am working on my novel which inspires me daily. My child's smile and his pride in being able to give me nothing but positive behavior reports, excites me and motivates me.

I'm working out again and daily looking for opportunities to be physically active. I am getting out in the evenings, when I can, surrounding myself with adults and for a few minutes, letting myself be a grown up again, not my child's mother, not my employer's employee, not my parent's daughter. It's fun.

I am consciously removing myself from negative people. They work like a virus spreading through your body. I can't let these folk in my space right now. If your mission is to do anything but love and support me, I'm looking at you through a window darkly.

Some of y'all know this gospel song, "This joy that I have, the world didn't give it and the world can't take it away." It's holding special meaning for me now; you can't let life happen to you. You have to take the reigns, and you decide how you're going to walk through this life journey. It's YOUR choice. You want happiness, you want joy? Do what you need to get it and keep it.

Examine the relationships around you. How do you feel when you see that certain person(s) or see their number on the caller ID? Are you dreading it or try to avoid it/them? Let them go. If there are activities that you've been doing that no longer fulfill you; cut them out.

Happiness, indeed, joy, is a choice.

You decide. I have.