Remember the married dude, the former lover that I did not KNOW was married and who disappeared as soon as I found out; the one that re-emerged a couple months back? I know that it seemed that I'd lost my mind for a few, but I eventually came back to myself. The only reason I'm mentioning him now is that he has yet to stop calling or pursuing me.
He dropped off for a couple weeks after his initial pursuit when I told him that whatever he had in mind for us, sex was no longer up for negotiation. When I failed to beg and plead for him to be my lover again, he came back. For the past month or so, I have some type of contact with him every two or three days. Mind you, I am not initiating any of this contact, nor am I encourage him. But I have to admit to a certain curiosity about his intentions.
I believe that he is one of those men who are turned on by the pursuit and then quickly loses interest once his prey has been captured. When I have shown interest, I can't find him and then when I forget that he exists, I can't escape his attention. I can hear my friends Chez and Vernon in my head asking me why I even care, if I'm not interested in him anyway. And perhaps they have a point, but human nature has always been an interest of mine and I like to know what motivates people to do some of the things they do. I still don't understand why he would have a perfectly nice family at home and still catting around on the side. The ease of his pursuit leaves me with no illusions that I am his only prey either. Why are you married if you want to live like you're single?
Anyway, there's no real point to this post, I'm curious about what your experiences may have been and maybe someone can offer some insight or give me the code word that will make him leave me alone. One of my more goofy friends suggested that I should just sleep with him. . .
American association of cancer researchers
3 years ago
6 comments:
I have a guy in my life who is a major flirt. Years ago, we were kind of involved but it never really progressed much past the flirting stage. When I started to get frustrated with the situation, he backed off. Soon after that, we lost touch. I recently got in touch with him again and it's the same old, same old. I don't initiate any of the flirting, but he is just persistant about it. He lives in another state now, he has a girlfriend, and I know his pattern so I expect/hope for nothing from him. I would love to just be his non-flirtatious friend, but that isn't what he wants. I think he gets something from the flirtation/chase phase of a relationship. He's the kind of guy that always needs a relationship, but still needs that pursuit stage as well.
I'd like to say that I'm shutting him down. But, to be honest, it's kind of fun having someone be so complimentary and sweet to me. And, since I know it has zero chance of developing into anything but flirtation, I'm not going to get my feelings hurt. I feel guilty, though, because he has a girlfriend. Even though his flirtations are innocent, I know it would hurt me if I were in her shoes.
You are so feeling me Maggie. I would love to just be his friend; I have two very good guy friends, in fact, my best friend on the planet is a guy, who is currently engaged to be married, and my other friend is married for several years. I have a relationship with both them and their partners.
But I can't get this meathead to accept this notion. I like the attention, but I'm probably going to shut it down soon because I can't stand to be ANYONE's secret! Here's a recent example: he called yesterday while in the car, "I was just thinking about you", and ended the brief conversation because his "girls" were coming to the car??!!
How tacky!! I just wish I understoon WHY??
I think it's really all about the ego stroke... as I am an egotistical woman, I like a little ego stroke every now and again myself.
He pops in and out again just for the chase. He's probably fine as hell and he's familiar with you and knows how you used to love him.
Please don't just have sex with him. Or if you do, make sure you're the one on top (if you know what I mean)...
Either way, I wouldn't take him or none of his gestures serious. He's driven by impulse and not by his heart nor his mind.
MsKnowItAll: Are you sure you've never met this man? He's actually a transplant from NYC so perhaps y'all really have met, cause you have him down to a TEE!!
I'm not planning to have sex with him; I wouldn't be able to separate my emotions and frankly, he's not worth going to hell over!
Dont even entertain this fool with giving him your precious time if I can be honest with you. He is a wolf looking for prey, trust me I know, I am one.
LOL, Mike. Priceless!! I hear you loud and clear!
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