Love is in the Air

My best friend Chez got married yesterday!! We were kinda hoping that they would wait until we were together in March, but extenuating circumstances made January 28th the day! Yoo-hoo!





My bestest, ace, "I got yo back so neither of us die" friend, Vernon, is in the middle of his third honeymoon! They've been married three years, but she just safely returned from a 6 month deployment, hence the 3rd one. I think number two took place following HIS deployment.



To my guys, I love you both and I rejoice with you at this time. And to my new sisters? I pray for a long and lasting love. You both chose well.

Ah, l'amore, l'amore!!

Lost Hope

I have a friend who is struggling now. It makes me sad that I can't help her. I've tried but she views my help as unnecessary. She has built up a delusional system that a man she has known since high school is destined to become her husband. I don't use the word 'delusional' lightly. She has organized her entire life, LIFE on this belief. She has created a story, not based on reality, that she once miscarried a child with him and each time she has sex (unprotected), she takes a pregnancy test, under the misguided belief that this may keep him with her. Mind you, they are both in their early 30's now, he has been married not once, not twice, but three times since then; dealing with my friend in between and at times, during some of these marriages. He has had children by these and other women.

She says that a "prophet" foretold that God was gonna do a work in him and that if she just hung in there, he would be the man God has called him to be and eventually her husband. She has banked her entire life on the fulfillment of this prophecy.

Now, while I had my doubts, I'm not one to try and contain God or try to second guess what HE can or cannot do; so, I've been over here with the popcorn, eagerly anticipating this miracle. Until recently.

Ole' boy recently talked my friend back into bed, built up her hopes and yes, rejected her. AGAIN! For some dumb ass reason, one of her family members decided to confront ole' boy on the job. It got ugly, as you can imagine (she was totally out of line anyway, so I guess she deserved to have her feelings hurt). But here's the deal breaker for me:

I'm told, so I can't say I heard this for myself, but I'm told that ole boy said, "You see the way she crying over there? I got women all over the world crying for me, just like that. She's nothing."

Cold.

Was this the final straw that would enable my friend lay aside her hopes and dreams for this man? Nope. But you can see the beginnings of the cynic emerging. Her spirit reflects the beginning signs of lost hope, and it's a sad sight to see because this woman has a beautiful spirit; hopeful, outgoing, idealistic. It's going to be a shame to see that fade away over someone who is so far beneath her.

What I'm even more fearful of is the possibility of her lost hope and faith in God. I once told her that I did not believe that God intends for us to live in pain and fear; that perhaps, she is putting more weight than she should into the words of man, and ignoring the signs God has provided for her to indicate that she should move on. She didn't speak to me for a month. I figured then that this would be a lesson she would have to take on her own.

My heart is heavy for her and I am praying that she looks for and receives God's comfort and guidance. I pray that she does not allow an individual to distract her from hers and God's true purpose. And I am prayerful that if she finds her way to this post that she sees the love behind it's creation.

Meeting in the Ladies Room

Sorry fellas, I need a little girl talk right now, so if you don't mind?

Ok, ladies, I need to work off a little stress and they say that confession is good for the soul, right?

So, here's the confession. . . a few years ago, I fell in love with a man, who unbeknownst to me, despite repeated inquiries from me, was married with kids! So, I pretty much reamed him a new backside when I found out, but this really messed me up good. I don't get attached often but when I do, I fall hard and once the heat of anger passed, I hurt. . . but good.

So, fast forward to about a year ago, I ran into this man by chance. I had not spoken to or seen him since that final confrontation. He walked up to my table, hesitantly and offered me a sincere apology for his actions.

"You deserved so much better than what I did to you and I'm really sorry."

I felt better because he made no attempt to defend his actions, none of the usual trite, "she don't understand me" bull crap that some might say. So, I accepted his apology and we went on our separate ways.

I will tell you though, for weeks after that meeting, I dreamed about him and was reminded of all the things I loved about him. Now, I didn't act on those thoughts, but I just wanted you to know that they were there.

Ok, so tonight, I took two of my nieces and my son to see a play. We were paying for the tickets when who should walk up behind us? Yes, you got it. My nemesis.

Ok, since it's just us girls here, this man is so pretty to me. Let me indulge for a quick sec. . . smooth dark chocolate skin, snow white teeth, perfectly straight, just under 6 feet talk, well built, I mean, well-built. When I last saw him, he had freeform dreadlocs at mid-back. Now it's cut in a small afro, but I easily remembered how I used to love grabbing handfuls of his hair and pulling him down to me. . . oh, I'm sorry. I'm back now. He took my breath away. My niece said later in the car, "did you see his face when he saw you?" What she described was a combination of shock and absolute pleasure. He was glad to see me. He hesitated for a brief second, checked in to see if it was ok and gave me the best hug. He then stayed with us while we waited for the play to start, introduced himself to and charmed my children. Charmed me. Again.

When the play was over and I turned my cell back on, I found the following text message (oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I gave him my phone number):

This is ____. I hope this is not inappropriate seeing how I fell off
the earth, but I am happy about your submission, your son is wonderful and you
are as beautiful as when I first saw you at the library. I hope we can
talk.

Now I know myself well enough to know that I would never knowingly get involved with a married man. I also know that I had no business giving that man my phone number. I sorta kinda justified it in my head because he is a published author and playwrite and I know he was interested in hearing about my current projects. I felt a part of me melt when he told me he'd been having writer's block for the past couple years and the therapist in me wanted to offer a sounding board. Part of me wanted an opportunity to clear up a couple things. He looked at my son questioningly and asked a lot of questions about his age and such; truthfully, he and my son look alike, but of course, my baby is adopted.

Anyway, these are all excuses, I know that. I was crazy about this man. The kinda crazy that I know that I can never be anywhere private with him. Even knowing what I know, I'd jump his ass in a second. Y'all, I could not breathe and my heart kept jumping in and out of my chest cavity, down to my stomach, a little lower and then back again. He had my intellectual, emotional and sexual number and despite all that has transpired, not to mention his wife and two daughters, tonight, he took my breath away.

I need a reality check. That's why I'm writing all of this down. Maybe if I see my delusion in print, I might sober up. I'm also hoping that a couple of you will lovingly chastise me to stay on the straight and narrow.

Help a sista out! This is not what I was looking for when I put my Love List out into the universe!

(hug)

by Saundra Sharp

i found it
of all places
under the bed

that hug
you left

i thought by mistake
until it
curled itself
around my toes

then i knew
you
left it there
on purpose.

Ready for Love

The Love List, continued

6. Must love dogs
7. Must be able to communicate. The strong silent type only plays well in the movies.
8. He must be willing to have a good fight every now and again. He can fight fairly and knows where the boundaries are. And even at the height of his "madness", he remembers that he loves me.
9. He knows that my feet are made of clay. I'm not always perfect and sometimes I do some idiotic stuff. But he is able to find something in me that he cherishes, which enables him to love me in spite of my faults.
10. "I need a man who loves music; a man who loves art. Respects the spirit world and thinks with his heart." (India.Arie "Ready for Love")