Resurrection

Wow. I just realized that it's been more than a month since my last post. Things got a little bit worse for me, emotionally, and I realized that I seriously needed to just STOP. So, I stepped back from EVERYTHING for awhile and spent some serious "me" time, trying to sort through some unresolved issues and regaining my sense of self.

Sometimes, I think I seriously buy into the theory that I am Superwoman. And while I think I am a "super" woman, I don't have any super powers and I need to recognize that from time to time.

So, I stopped. No blogging, writing, exercising, or socializing. I stopped trying to solve my family and friend's problems and struggles and focused all of my attention on mine. This was probably the hardest part of my break, because the people in my world are used to me being open to them anytime, any place. But, dag, y'all, my plate was FULL! And I didn't have anyone to empty my load on. So, a few feelings have been hurt.

I narrowed my focus down to my child and my job. The phones were disconnected and the inbox in my email got larger and larger. I got my cry on, a lot. . . often. . .multiple occasions. . . as often as it took for me to fully release. To some, this might seem extreme, and it probably is, but for me, it was just the thing I needed to regain control over my emotions and thoughts and regain my connection to God, and subsequently, peace.

I celebrated my birthday in March on the Gulf coast with my "boys", walking up and down the beach, collecting shells and allowing myself to be pampered and fussed over. We recently traveled again to Huntsville AL to the NASA Space Museum, with my son's Cub Scout troop. Now, one could ask how traveling with a group of 7-10 years old be relaxing, but kids this age are just so much fun to me. Listening to their excited chatter and joy in just being, was like manna from heaven and a balm to my soul.

I have missed my blog buddies and I'll probably spend the next couple days catching up on everything I've missed. I pray that all have been well with you and despite my absence, you were never far from my thoughts.

A New Beginning

I’m sure that I’m not the only one eagerly looking forward to 2009! I can’t wait to see what the coming year holds in store for my family. Especially since, when I look back over some of my life experiences during 2008, my only response is a heartfelt,

“Whew! Glad that’s over!”

2008 produced an onslaught of job stress, family crises, conflicted relationships, and straining finances; I’m still trying to recover from pulling up at the gas station to see Regular Unleaded gas sold for $3.88!

We dealt with an uncooperative and at times, hostile, school system. I personally struggled to resolve a longstanding family issue. Unfortunately, I don’t always handle stress well. So, let’s add to the list a few extra pounds and insomnia.

But as low as my circumstances were this the past year, I am blessed by the knowledge that it could have been much worse. Every time I’m tempted to complain, I remember who is in control of not only my blessings but my trials as well.

In the midst of every crisis I’ve encountered, God was all over it. Yes, gas prices were absolutely horrid this year, but I didn’t walk once or ride a bus. Problems at school kept me on my knees, but the job I just started in March, allowed me to modify my schedule, making it possible to homeschool my child and remove him from that hostile environment. Dr John Guns from Jacksonville Florida arrived at ATOP in the spring, just when I had reached my emotional bottom. He spoke of how unresolved hurts kept us in bondage and emphasized the need to forgive those who hurt us. Forgiveness will set you free, he said. He was right! And . . . God allowed me to witness the election of the first African American president in the history of the United States!

And so, because of my financial crises, I’m a much better manager and steward over my finances. My relationships are slower to reach crisis point because of my renewed ability to listen with my heart instead of my ears. Even my productivity at work is improved in response to my gratitude. Oh, and because I’m getting better at turning my crises over to the Lord and learning to give Him praise even in the midst of my trials? I’ve lost 5 pounds! Yay! I’m also a little less cynical about the mindset of the American people or maybe, I can just see that there are others like me, who are finally ready for real change.

So, yes, I am grateful to see the end of 2008.

Whew! Glad that’s over!

I can’t wait to see God’s miracles of 2009.

Counting My Blessings

The old folk used to say that when the devil gets busy, it's because he knows that you are being set up for a blessing and is doing all he can to block it. If there is even a grain of truth in this adage, then my cup will soon be overflowing. Over the past week and a half, I have had several lessons in patience, self-restraint, and discernment. At times, I promise, it seemed that the harderI try, the more that monkey was riding shotgun all over me!

I'm learning though, and this is significant, to not let Satan find any purchase in my life. If I let him have an inch, I might as well make room for him to stay awhile. A friend of mine who briefly stopped by my blog a few weeks ago said that I'm using this space as a public journal; she remarked about how clearly this was at times, a cathartic exercise.

She's right, but I'm learning that even in this forum, I need to be mindful of what I speak and what messages I send.

So, rather than give in to the temptation of reporting on all that has gone wrong recently, I'm going to focus on detailing a few of my hundreds of thousands of blessings instead. So, in no particular order,

1. God woke up each member of my family this morning and we were clothed in our right minds (well, most of us anyway).

2. I have a career that I love and a job that covers my bills.

3. I have the gift of the most sweetest adorable little boy God ever created. In the past, when I've thought about the type of child I wanted, God was obviously taking notes. Example: while driving through the drive-through at McDonald's this evening, I was multi-tasking as usual: yakking on the cell phone, placing my order and repairing my lipstick. My son interrupted and told the attendant to add a cup of coffee to my order. I looked at him, distracted of course, and was just about to reprimand him, until I realized what he was doing. He rememberted the coupon for free coffee that I'd been complaining about NOT using for the past couple weeks. My thoughtful child was watching his mommie's back!

4. I recently received a promotion that I did not apply for or expect to receive.

5. $800 recently found it's way into my wallet without any real work on my part.

6. It's the weekend, baby!!!

7. We have a comfortable home to live in and a car that moves us from point A to point B without problem.

8. I have a church, spiritual leadership and spiritual brothers and sisters that practice love and outreach daily.

9. I have an active and agile mind that leads me to all sorts of situations, solutions and people.

10. I still have hope.