What? You ain't married? Why not?

Ok, warning, this is a rant!!


Why is this nearly the first question that comes out of a person's mouth the first time you meet them. Now, I can't say this is true of ALL women of a certain age, but it certainly is true in my experience. There is some kind of implied judgment and negative connotation throughout this question, and I'm finding that I lose more patience every time I hear it. What do you want or expect me to say? I'm not married because I'm not!! Do you want the CliffNotes' version of my love life? Or do you want me to acknowledge that I'm a worthless human being and no one in their right mind cares to spend a single day with me? I don't think so!!


I can already hear some of you thinking that I'm just defensive about my single state; and I'll own that you may be right, to a certain degree. I guess it bugs me that there is a certain level of "incompletion" implied when I tell people that I'm single. Almost as if there must be something wrong with me if I haven't been married. Well, to answer your question, I figured I'm as flawed as the next person, married or single, and while I've had more than a few opportunities to be married, I have chosen not to. Let me also add that I am not homosexual, bisexual or bi-curious (yep, you guessed it, that's usually the NEXT question). But the reality is that I've lived through one bad marriage (my parents, who by the way are celebrating 46 years this fall), and I admit, I'm a little gun shy about living through another one. I know better than most what hell feels like, and I've not found that person who has made me want to "step out on faith." My parents HAVE taught me, however, that marriage is a commitment and a contract, one not to be entered into lightly. I just figure, I'd rather spend my lifetime with a partner who makes me happy and enhances my life, than to live with someone I hate or who hates me. I'd rather be single.


Ok, so back to those of you who are guilty of asking this question. What is it that you really want to know? ARE you looking for flaws? Or perhaps, for the married folk (read 'women'), are you trying to draw a comparison to your "happy" married state? Or perhaps there is a positive slant to this question that I haven't considered. Let me hear your thoughts. . .