Love List continued

I've said this before and I think it bears repeating. . . the Love List works! I 'love' the karma that has come my way since I started this list. Old friends and family are loving me better, I'm making new friends, my new blog support family (shoutouts to MsKnowItAll, The TrueUrbanQueen, GlenysLuckyMama, and others, for your recent support in times of mad stress) is growing.

I feel my aura expanding all around me, my mojo is on pointe and the pheromones are poppin'. I've been approached, I have approached; I have flirted, chatted up, winked at whoever catches my eye. I am eagerly anticipating the embodiment of my Love List to finally arrive.

Today's incident, however, has me thinking that I need to refine my list of 100. I need to narrow my focus just a bit. I stopped by what used to be my favorite BBQ place for lunch. The new owner was behind the counter as usual; a portly, friendly older man whose age I estimated to fall somewhere in the 60's. He greets me from across the restaurant as I enter:

"Hey, there's my friend! Where you been hiding?"

I mumbled something about work and also trying to stay out of his place due to the high cholesterol and fat content of most of the items on his menu. He laughed and said, predictably enough,

"Let me worry about you getting fat. I think I'd like you even if you did get bigger. Just as long as you keep your beautiful smile and dimples."

Yeah, whatever dude.

"I really do like you though. I like your dark skin complexion, I like what you do with your hair. I like the way you dress; you take the time to put effort into your appearance. You should see some of the folk that come up in here."

So, I'm nodding and smiling and thinking, "can I place my order?" He even comments on the fact that I'm carrying a novel with me, because I had every intention of catching up on a few chapters while I enjoyed my lunch. But he kept talking about this and that, my reading time was slowly dwindling away.

Ok, so at one point, he even comes around the counter and steps inside my comfort zone. Mind you, I'm comfortable around people, and I like being near folk and touching them, generally, so my zone is probably smaller than most people. So, when I start stepping back, you know, he was getting waaaaayy too familiar.

So, he'd been getting his mack and flirt on for about 15 minutes, the food has been ordered and prepared and delivered to me. I can't recall how we reached this point in the conversation, but he inquired about my age. I told him I was likely older than he thought, and he kindly suggested that I couldn't be more than 31 or 32 years old.

Yeah, ok. So, I did say he was macking, right?

Anyway, I told him my actual age, and he moved in a little closer and then started undressing me with his eyes. I called him on it,

"Hey, you, where'd you go? I'm right here, my eyes are located a little north from where you are now!"

"No, no, no," he caught himself, "I didn't mean any disrespect. I'm just a little surprised. Now I'm even more convinced that you have no business still being single."

"What do you mean?" I stupidly inquired.

"Well, women your age are at their sexual peak and prime. You really need to be with someone on a regular basis who can help you satisfy your needs."

All right. I stopped smiling and felt my skin crawl. Talk about uber creepy! I thought I had been having a little light, harmless flirtation with an older gentlemen, who looks every bit of my father's age of 75. And this . . . ewwww. . . had his mind in some waaay other icky place.

I suddenly looked down at my watch and discovered I didn't have time to eat in after all, and asked to have my food placed in a take out. As I'm trying to leave, he's inviting me to come back for dinner 'on the house' on Friday and then suggesting that if I played my cards right, I wouldn't ever have to go back to work again.

Ok, so, the mojo is working, that's the good news. But I need to inform the universe of some changes and modify my list just a bit to include the following:

91. He is between the ages of 30 and 50; strictly enforced.

92. He understands the difference between mild flirting and perversion.

93. He recognizes that I am no where near anybody's sugar baby and is glad about it.

94. He is sensitive to the verbal and nonverbal cues of people he interacts with. He checks in to make certain that his advances are appreciated and desired before pushing forward his own agenda.

95. I find him physically and sexually appealing.

Stress is a mutha!!

This has been a strange couple weeks for me. My emotions are all over the place, I have been eating myself out of house and home (slowly growing INTO a house) and have very little tolerance for B.S. It's hard for me to settle my mind for long, which means that I've now got 4 or 5 projects going on at once and none of them near completion.

I feel badly enough when I snap off at grown folk, but I feel like a total heel for my OVER-response to my son's minor infraction over the weekend. I've got some making up to do this evening.

My sleep is totally out of whack; I've been waking up every hour on the hour, with bad dreams and night sweats.

Oh, did I mention that I was eating everything in the house and the refrigerator at work? Oh, I did? My bad.

My co-worker's solution? Lexapro. Nah, I don't think so. At least, not yet.

What I need to do is settle myself down and deal with each of my relatively minor stressors, one at a time. I'm trying to look at the whole thing en masse and it is stressing me the hell out!

Is there a full moon?

Change?

John C. McBush III?!! Omigoodness!! Thanks to my friend Pam for sharing.


Originally published on YouTube 9/5/08 by fyiarf

Jon Stewart and The Daily Show have been on point these last few weeks. This, however, has GOT to be the best!

Love List Continued

86. Understands that I have 'mommie' duties and without hesitation or resentment, understands that his needs and demands must follow the needs of my child. (inspired by TheTrueUrbanQueen).

87. In fact, he does set up the need for me to choose between him and my child; he even jumps in and takes on some of the responsibility

88. Puts the toilet seat back down without being asked.

89. Indulges me in my quest for "the next big" gadget

90. He is willing/able to acknowledge when he is wrong. (inspired by MsKnowItAll)

Mad Men

About this show: (taken from the AMC website) "Set in 1960s New York, the sexy, stylized and provocative AMC drama Mad Men follows the lives of the ruthlessly competitive men and women of Madison Avenue advertising, an ego-driven world where key players make an art of the sell."

I must admit, I was not initially intrigued or compelled to watch this show. The ads were too vague and I have never thought of AMC as the place to go for original programming. However, I think this is TV's best kept secret. I was totally bored out of my mind a couple Sunday evenings ago and found myself watching the beginning of Season 2. Omigoodness! This is the most intelligent programming I have seen in ages! I am enthralled by the complexity of these characters, and the conflict displayed here. It is interesting to watch 21st century morals (or lack thereof) played out in the context of the 1960's, when ole fashion family values was initially coined. Don Draper, played by an unknown actor (to me) Jon Hamm, is sexy, complicated, scandalous and confused, oh, did I mention SEXY? I am not an avid TV watcher; I turn on the tube when I have exhausted everything else. On any given week, my TV may be on for a total of 2-3 hours max. But I am now eagerly looking forward to next Sunday. If you have cable or satellite, I strongly recommend tuning in to this program. Sundays, 9pm central time.

Out of the mouths of babes

I had lunch with my son at his school yesterday. I arrived at school just before his class' lunch period and was informed that my child was not in his classroom. I knew from past experience this was not good news. And indeed, he had been overwhelmed by the classroom environment, became frustrated and was in the office completing his work 1:1 with another teacher.

I have to admit that I was rather disappointed. I told him when I dropped him off at school that I would be returning to have lunch with him. For some children, that would have been enough warning to be on their best behavior, at least until the mama left, but my baby. . . I think it was likely more pressure than he needed which led to his inability to regulate himself for the entire morning.

I am however, proud to report that I caught myself mid-fuss and reminded myself of what we had been learning in therapy. I decided that my disapproval or the anticipation of my disapproval is likely playing some role in that day's dysregulation and so I stopped, regulated myself and loved on him instead of fussing.

So, while in the cafeteria, we were sitting at the table, he was doing his level best NOT to cry and it was coming off as defiance and frustration. The kids in his class took me by surprise. I work with special needs children professionally, and I have often observed that children with emotional disorders are sometimes rejected or at least, ignored by their peers. Instead, these kids rallied around him and nearly overwhelmed me in their support of him. They were sweet and funny at the same, you know what I mean if you've ever spent extended time around a group of 7 year olds. They started out "ratting him out",

"He did this today; he did that today.'

Then the whole table of 8 jumped into a discussion about why he was upset today and how I really shouldn't be mad at him because,

"He was just too anxious, he couldn't help it," as one little dimpled darling informed me.

"Yeah, it got too loud for him and he just started doing THIS!" chimed in another, while demonstrating by putting his hands over his ears.

"I tried to help him by saying, 'calm down, calm down' but it was too late and Mr. Jones had to come and get him," claimed a third, in a matter of fact facsimile of an adult.

I was so thankful to know that despite his challenges, he is liked and valued by his peers; these kids, some of whom have known him since they started kindergarten together, have learned to adjust to his outbursts and seek to help him when possible. Even if some adults are unable to recognize it, these babies know what I know: my Heart and Soul is a wounded but beautiful soul and is someone definitely worth fighting for.

He's at the heart of what matters to me

I love long weekends. It really gives my son and I time to de-stress and reconnect with each other. We didn't do anything in particular other than the usual errands. Mostly, we were just at home, "hangin'" as my kid likes to tell me, and talked.

So, this evening, while working on his spelling words for the coming week, he drops off a few priceless pearls that I thought I'd share:

He is taking French lessons at school and he prattled off some french phrase that he had learned the previous week. Sounded good to me, but I had no idea what he said. So, I asked.

"She hasn't told us what it means yet," he replied.

"Well, it seems to me," spouted his wise parent, "that maybe she was waiting for some brilliant child to ASK her what it meant. I'm thinking someone like MY brilliant child!"

"There are lots of brilliant children in my classroom."

**crickets**

Smart aleck!

Ok, so later he shares,

"Oh, and I had a dream about heaven."

"Oh, yeah? What was it like?" I inquired.

"There were lots of people there, good people, people who had been shot (we had just watched a re-run of 'Ghost'). Oh, and Jesus was there."

"Really? Did y'all get a chance to talk?"

"Yes ma'am. I asked Him to help me control my behavior in school and to give me a good attitude."

"You did?"

"Yes, ma'am and the next day, He made it come true."

"Yeah, Jesus is kinda good that way." was my wise retort.

So, he continued writing for a beat and then,

"Oh, I forgot. Jesus told me that I should have that Hot Wheels Slam toy that I showed you the other day!"

Indeed!