Family Fun Friday

I've been meaning to post these pictures for awhile now. It's a darn shame just how late some of them are, but better late than never, right?

I mentioned in an earlier post that we traveled to the Gulf Coast for my birthday in March. We had an awesome time. Just me and my boys.

View from the Condo

Friend, My Heart and Soul and Favorite Nephew (shhh, don't tell my other nephews!)














In April, I escorted my boys to the Space Museum and Rocket Center in Huntsville, AL. The boys had their first experience on a rock climbing wall. Here they are receiving their instructions. Both of them told me how scared they were, but they climbed that wall like they were born to it. I thought I had videotaped the experience, but a funny thing happens when you don't hit the 'record' button. . . NOTHING!! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!










In June, the Cub Scouts had an outing at a local nature center where we discoved all kinds of fun things including insects, snakes, geese and poisonous plants. The mama's response was "ewwww" but the boys LOVED it!







And finally, my child tells me that this story is not complete without showing the other members of our family. Meet Chuckie and Lillian!

Update on Hair Biz

Turns out the dress code restricts "trendy" hair styles, defined as braids with beads and no unnatural hair dye. It also calls for boys' hair not to extend below their collars and to be out of their eyes. My son's locs meets this criteria exactly.

I shared that the other teacher(black) stated that his hair would have to be shaved to his head, even though I saw white and Latino boys whose hair was longer. I was speaking to the Asst Principal (non-black) who stated that she was unaware that this was policy, and that as far as she was concerned, his hair should not be a problem. And despite what the "other" teacher said, the only person to make that call was the Principal, who was still on bereavement leave.

It's hard to believe that even now, some of us are still living like crabs in a barrel.

So, I'm not going to stress over this anymore; I am not shaving his head, but I am willing to keep it at it's current length during the school year. If we are admitted into this school, my son will not be taught by the "other" teacher, so hopefully that will cut down on some possible backlash. The administration would have revealed to me an open minded attitude about diversity and all is well in our universe.

However, if the principal calls back and tells me that locs are not acceptable, regardless of length, then I know this is not a place we want to be anyway.

I'll let you know what we decide.

I am not my hair?

Happy Memorial Day everyone! If you know any soldiers, airmen, or squibs, currently serving or ones who served in past conflicts, please, let them know how much we appreciate their sacrifice and dedication to the safety of this country.

I have decided to enroll my son into a regular school in the fall; I've been interviewing private schools. I seriously doubt either of us want to relive the trauma of public school.

Anyway, my son and I met with the staff at a small Catholic school that came highly recommended to us. Not only for their educational standards and small student to teacher ratio, but the success they've had with special needs children.

My son was excited by what he saw, the children seemed friendly and well-behaved. In fact, several students came up to him and started chatting while I met with the 3rd grade teacher. He seriously did not want to leave.

The only glitch came when we met with the 2nd and 3rd grade teachers to discuss their curriculum. The 2nd grade teacher, an older black woman, who, in fact, was the only black faculty that I observed on our tour. She very likely could have taught my parents; she was very proper and conservative. Anyway, after the meet and greet, she turned to my son and said,

"Well, I can tell you first off, that you're going to have to cut his hair. Those. . . braids. . . do not conform to our dress code."

Some of you may know that my son's hair is loc'd. He has a gorgeous head of 3 to 4 inch long baby locs. I should also say that on the day of the interview, I wore my own natural hair in small individual plaits, which could also pass for locs, for the unschooled. My son and I just looked at her. I finally responded that his hair was not in braids, but loc'd and that the style was permanent.

"Well, regardless, we require that our boys hair is close cropped."

At the time, I simply nodded at her in acknowledgment. I considered commenting that I had observed several Caucasian and Latino boys with hair well below their collars, but decided I would reframe. . . for now. So, we continued with the interview. When we got back into the car to head home, the first thing out of my son's mouth was "Mommy, I don't want to cut my hair." I confirmed that I didn't either but it was not a decision that we needed to make now.

Now, I spoke to a friend of mine later, who said, "It's just hair. If you like the school, just cut it. He can grow locs another time." Well, that's true, I suppose, but then I started wondering that if we enrolled at this school, what else would we have to sacrifice in order to fit in? What lessons do I really want my son to learn about conformity?

I am NOT conservative, not in my dress and especially not in my attitudes and beliefs. I am not a conformist; I like being part of the tenth. I encourage free thinking in my son's head. There are some things that I teach that I believe are essential to being a productive citizen, but as long as he stays within those parameters, I encourage him to be whatever he and God designed him to be.

Although my child is only 7, nearly 8, the decision to loc his hair was his. If it had been up to me, I would've chosen for him to wait, at least until he was in his teens because I felt that at this age, he may not be able to handle the probable negative reaction to his hair. And each time I tried to divert him, he was even more insistent that this was what he wanted to do.

So, I plaited his hair one weekend. Mostly as an experiment to see how he would handle public reaction. He came home from school one afternoon and I asked what the response was to his braids. He said that for the most part, people seemed to like it, but mostly there was no reaction. Then he added that he overheard two children talking about his hair to each other. One child said that he thought my son looked like a girl. My child said he went over to them and said, "I'm not a girl, I'm a boy and my hair looks GOOD!"

Aight, so he's more like his mama than I sometimes realize.

Anyway, so this was the beginning of our journey to locs. As his hair has grown and the loc process begun, I think I enjoy his hair as much as he does. I'm using the latch method to tighten his roots, which usually takes about an hour or so to do. So, once or twice a month, I latch his hair and my son and I are talking, bonding, laughing, loving. I mean, we talk all the time, but during this particular time, the level of conversation is deeper. It's a very intimate time and I think we both look forward to those moments.

So, for me, for us, this decision is more than 'just hair'.

Another friend encouraged me to meet with the principal of the school (who was away on a family emergency during our tour) and get a copy of the dress code. Mostly, he said, just to be certain that that teacher wasn't being "niggerish" (I'm sorry if I've offended anyone with this term. If you need some clarification of it's meaning in this context, send me an email and I'll elaborate further.)

So, I plan to meet with the principal later this week. I'm also interviewing other schools, so even if we can't fit in here, there is a place for us.

Pugilist Update

I arrived to collect my child yesterday and before I could get into the door good, two little fellows about 8 or 9, NOT MY child, met me at the door with a hug. Once I stepped back, I realized that these were the two fellas who'd been fighting with my son for the past couple weeks. You might remember these kids? One involved a black eye and scratches?

Seconds later, my son joined us in a group hug. I finally deciphered from their excited chatter that they had resolved whatever conflict that had been going on between them. They were now best friends, and wanted me to know that they were just "play wrestling" now and no longer fighting.

I gave all three of them a hug and kiss and praised them for making good choices.

Then I thanked God!

I knew that my child needed to learn how to work through these types of problems on his own, that this was only the first in a long line of conflicts he would have to resolve. Without me.

But I wanted God to know how very much I appreciated the happiness and companionship that was exuded by these children. The pride on their faces at handling this without adults was a joy to behold. So what if it took blackeye, a couple fists, and rolls on the floor? They worked it out!

Of course, I'm not so far removed from my childhood that I don't realize that this whole situation could start all over again next week. But for now, I am so happy!!

My child, the pugilist

Ok, I gotta admit, that this was kinda how I was feeling yesterday. I went to collect my child from his daycare yesterday afternoon and was pulled aside by the director/owner.

"We have a problem."

Before I asked her to continue, I looked over at my child, who was staring at me in defiance, with his lip poked out, almost daring me to contradict him.

Hmmmm.

Anyway, for the last couple days, I was told, my child has been physically fighting with another child, a little 8 year old boy. Right in the middle of the director's story, my child interrupted, crying and screamed,

"He was talking about me, saying things to hurt my feelings, I don't like kids to hurt my feelings. And he called you ugly; you're not ugly. I wasn't gonna let him punk me out."

You may recall the conversation we had a couple months on this topic and the advice I gave to him? Well, here it is, biting me in the butt.

So, the short of the story is that everyone agreed that the other child had been provoking my heart and soul. The first time it happened, he and the boy started fighting, the adults broke it up put them both in time out and that was the end of it; they didn't even tell me about it. But since then, whenever my heart and soul gets within striking distance of this kid, he would say something smart or hit the boy. Over and over again.

Oh, and I didn't mention that two weeks ago, he came home with his first black eye. He was proud of it, by the way, as he described what the other kid looked like in comparison with his own "just a scratch, mommy!" Again, he responded appropriately, according to the director, and though I didn't like it, I didn't really address it with him. Mostly because he did what I told him to do.

Ok, so fast forward back to yesterday. I am now torn on how to respond. To be clear, I don't want him to let other kids to pick on him. I want him to feel like he can and should defend himself when needed, but I don't want him turning into a bully either.

So, this is a call for advice from all single mothers raising boys and to the men: I need my lil stinker to come back a little towards the middle. So, what do I say or communicate to him in a way he can understand?

Thought-filled Thursday

I'm going to borrow from a few of my blog buddies and just ramble a few thoughts away today. I don't really have a lot on my mind; well, actually, I have quite a few things on my mind, that's part of the reason it's been so hard for me to post lately, I don't know where to start.

First, have any of you heard about Neenah, a young woman in New Jersey, who has set up a website in order to search for a husband? She has given herself 52 weeks of dedicated search to find a husband. She has apparently captured the attention of, if not a man, but of the media! Tom Joyner, Essence Magazine and others have interviewed since she first set up her site. I first heard about her yesterday from MzTeeJaye and then I went over to my favorite natural hair care site and there is a 3-page + discussion about her. I hope she will be successful in her search.

Reviews seem to mixed. I just wonder why it has come to this; that we (women) have to advertise our availability. In my parents and grandparent's youth, it seemed so much more simple. It was understood that people would seek careers and begin families; men pursued woman; that was their role. Something has been lost in the translation now.

I do believe that she may be going a little to the extreme in her efforts, but I will likely follow her through this "social experiment", her words and see where it takes her.

Second, can someone PULEEZE tell me, why? Many of you read and followed my Love List, right? Did any of you notice ANYWHERE in that list of 100 qualities, that I wanted to be involved with a MARRIED man??!!

No? I thought not. Well, I just ran into another EX, who is MARRIED. Who, when he saw me, pulled me into this INTENSE embrace and held on like I was the second coming of Christ. "I'm so happy to see! I'm so happy to see you!" He's EX for a reason, so I really don't get this.

Can someone please tell me when I will meet a SINGLE man, who is anywhere near this happy to see me?

Third, I don't like double-minded people! I'm a very direct person. I speak my mind, with tact, though, but no one ever has to wonder where they stand with me. And I appreciate when I meet people with the same life philosphy. It just makes like more simple and bearable for me.

So, it irks me to no end when people call themselves "friend" and then behave in non-friendly ways; and then have the nerve to look hurt and behave angry when I call you on it. Regardless of what you speak, your actions define you as "the enemy" and I will be dealing with you as such and from a long handled spoon.

Fourth, I am so happy to see my son settle down and become more peaceful. As hard as it is to work full-time, take on the full responsibility to educate him, write, and socialize in a 24 hour day period, it is well worth it to me, to see him smile more, the watch him sleep throughout the night without nightmares, to actually see him sleep beyond the sunrise and feel less need to fight his way through life, I don't even really have the words to describe how this feels.

And finally, I am still writing. I have finally settled on an idea for my first novel. I had a friend of mine crackin' up last night, as I described these "voices" in my head (the characters y'all!) and how they interrupt my sleep and concentration during the day. I am compelled to put their stories on paper as quickly as possible, just so that they can leave me alone!! I would like to introduce one or two of them here, just as soon as I've tightened a few things up.

The Three Little Pigs Killed Santa

I've been having an on-again, off-again discussion (argument) with my son about Santa Claus. Trying to convince this child of mine that Santa is NOT the reason for the season is like trying to light a match in a windstorm. Of course, mommy doesn't know everything (in his 7 year old mind) and my argument is weakened by the fact that everything around us says otherwise.

Every holiday themed cartoon is about Santa or Rudolph or the Polar Express, I mean, where IS Jesus??

I have been clear from day one . . . there is no big, fat, white man sliding down our chimney to bring us ANYTHING! And just when I thought the message finally hit home, some friends took him to the mall to see a black Santa. Now, he thinks he's finally won the argument.

"See, mommy? Here's the picture. And you're right, he's not white, he's black!!"

Ok. So maybe. . . I'll just show him this clip and tell him that the Three Little Pigs ate him?

Well . . . maybe not.

Bad mommy!!

Mother/Father

I am both mother and father to my 7 year old son; tends to go with the territory of single parenting. Most of the time, I feel comfortable responding to whichever role my son requires on any given day. Please understand, I don't think I can teach him to be a man; I realize that only another man can do that, but for the basics, I think I'm more than equipped to help.

It helps that I am not "girly". I'm as much woman as the next, but my interests tend to be broader than what is stereotypically female. I like makeup but I rarely wear it. I frequently have spa days and I love having someone give me a pedicure, but you will rarely find my nails painted. I can't stand shopping, I don't gossip, my range of conversation rarely includes the beauty shop, the latest **whatever**, bag, dress, you fill in the blank for whatever works for you.

I competently manage my household and don't look to others to help or assume responsibility. I've got the basics down when it comes to a hammer and nail; I can do small repairs around the house, and I can sew on a button or fix a hem in a pinch.

I have no interest in sports nor do I try to keep up with team sports. But I understand the rules of football, basketball, soccer, baseball and rugby and can hold a fairly decent conversation about either if called upon. This is mostly because I want to be able to follow my son when he leaves the soccer field or basketball court talking about various skills he has.

I refuse to learn how to change a tire on my car or to mow my own lawn. I got into an argument with a former lover, or I should say, I was fussed at by this same person, for my lack of interest in developing these skills.

"You're supposed to be this great feminist. How dare you let other people do things for you?" He accused in outrage. I replied that because I AM a feminist, I have the right to choose to do what I want. Besides, no offense to the men, for I really appreciate that for some, chivalry is not dead, but anytime I look like I need to do either task, some man pushes me out of the way and takes on the responsibility himself. I don't like getting dirty, so this seems perfectly reasonable to me to leave it to the men.

So, I say all this to say, that I feel comfortable responding to most needs of my child. And when the time comes that he needs a little more, I have several male role models available to him on speed dial.

Earlier this week, when, after picking up my son from his afterschool program, he approached me in tears, reporting that BJ had put him in a choke hold and had called his mother (me) an ugly name. Normally, I leave children to work out their own problems; this is after all, part of the socialization process. If I came in as Super Mommy to the rescue whenever he got into trouble, I would be handicapping him. I generally teach him to avoid starting fights with his peers, to find a talking solution to problems and when that doesn't work, tell an adult.

But what I haven't taken into account is that some kids are just plain MEAN! Just because. And it is the nature of boys to be aggressive. So, my way left him with a sense of helplessness and made him a target for bullying. At that moment, I realized how nice it would be if we had a daddy around.

But, we don't have a daddy, right? So that leaves me.

In my typical logical form, I told my son that just because a person says something about another does not make it true. There are some things he should just ignore or laugh off.

And as we got in the car, I added, "and if I hear of you crying because you let another child punk you out, I'm going to punk you! I expect you to try to avoid problems, but if someone hits you or otherwise put their hands on you, I expect you to knock them the "F" out!"

Ok, so I didn't actually say the "f" word to my child, but my meaning was clear. Then we practiced elbow jabs, punches and ways of getting out of choke holds.

I'm doing my best.

Grossology

We traveled about an hour away to visit the Grossology Exhibit. It is a national exhibit that travels to various cities throughout the year. The name really says it all; it is the Science of all that is gross in the body. Perfect for a pair of 7 year olds!!

Our science lesson this past week focused on the human digestive system. The exhibit provides a lesson plan on their website, so we were prepared for much of what we saw on Saturday. Knowing how long it takes for the bladder to fill up, the contents of snot, and the length of time it takes for food to progress from mouth to anus, just made it that more meaningful!

Adventures in Homeschooling

As some may know, we made the decision recently to remove my child from the public school system and try homeschooling. This was a difficult process and decision, but the alternative was not to be considered, and so, here we are. No one is more surprised than I am that I could maintain a full time job and meet and even exceed his educational needs. Thank God for an employer who allows me to be flexible in my schedule.

We are now in our second week and my conclusion so far is "why didn't I do this sooner?"

Aside from the fact that I now have TWO full time jobs, the sacrifice is well worth the extra efforts. I have a brilliant little boy!! I can say that without bragging since I did not contribute to his DNA. He absorbs new information like a sponge! I can actually see the excitement about learning returning to his eyes and he eagerly looks forward to each new lesson. I am also gradually seeing a reduction in the anxiety and stress that had become such a part of him in the past few months.

As is par for the course for me, I've been researching my butt off about different homeschooling philosophy, methods and curricula. I naively assumed that I could do a simple Google search for 2nd grade homeschooling, and would find a single unit or recommendation for instruction. Uh. . . NO! Apparently, the predominant idea is that since I have chosen to take responsibility for his education, I can pretty much teach him whatever I want.

One of the recommendations that I am taking to heart is to let my child dictate and guide what and how I will teach. Whichever curriculum I choose should take advantage of his strengths and maximize his weaknesses. The pace of instruction will be dictated by his ability to absorb and internalize the information. I now understand that part of his struggles in the regular classroom is that he does not require a stepwise progression to learning; he is a concept/abstract learner, a big picture thinker. He gets really impatient when I try to teach in increments; ok, his mommy is a big picture thinker too, so things just got really interesting for me!

Even though he is nearly a semester behind, due to all of the chaos that has been going on since September, he reads on a 3rd or 4th grade level. So, I'm KO'ing the weekly Spelling tests and we're now focusing on building Reading Comprehension. Math and Science comes naturally to him too; and so I know I will have to be creative and more experiential in these subjects than I am perhaps comfortable with.

I found a curriculum that I will use as a base, KONOS. It is Christian based and focuses on developing values and character. We start each morning with a brief bible study and each semester is driven by a character theme: our theme for the next several weeks is Obedience. The lessons are active and hands on, with very few paper/pencil, worksheet lessons.

I will supplement KONOS with traditional reading, writing, math, and science lessons because I know that he will, at some point, return to a formal education system, and I want him to have an easy transition.

So, let the adventure begin. . .

Oh Happy Day

Well, it's done! Peace will finally reign in our house again. I no longer have to worry about catching a case over some mess at my son's school. I no longer have to leave him in a totally hostile environment and worry myself day and night due to my helplessness to change the situation.

We are homeschoolling.

My employers have allowed me to modify my work schedule, so that I can teach in the morning and my child will spend the rest of the day in a daycare surrounded by people who love and nurture him.

I am now prayerful that the nightmares will end. The constant face of anxiety will resolve. I'm praying that the need to fight and defend himself will finally come to an end. I'm hoping that his trust in my ability to take care of him will return.

My child overslept this morning. His anxiety usually drives him up about 5:30 am; this morning, it was after 7 before I dragged him out of bed. Once up he started singing:

We are the groovy cool cats
We are the groovy cool cats
We are the groovy cool cats
We are . . . cool cats.

This was sung to the Madagascar tune, I Like To Move it, Move it!

He has been announcing to any and all that would listen, "My mom's going to be my teacher!" And then in a quieter moment asked,

"do some mommy's pass their children along?"

"what do you mean baby?

"well, when they act bad? do mommies pass their children along?"

"well, some do, for various reasons, but you're not going anywhere. why do you ask?"

"well, I was just getting a little nervous, that's all."

Ok, so this mommy prays, "Lord, thank you for all of your blessings you bestow on us each and every day. I'm thanking you in advance for your spirit of peace and calmness that will soon permeate our house and within our hearts. Thank you for removing us from a toxic environment and allow us to bloom in this current circumstance. Amen.

Baptism

My sweet baby was baptized yesterday, Nov 16, 2008. I thought he might be scared, but he and his other baptizees (about 7 boys ranging in age of 7-12), were excited about going through this process. It was a beautiful thing to watch their evident joy and to be witness to the beginning of their spiritual journeys.

So, as per usual, this proud mama has pictures.

Speak to my heart

I needed a little encouragement today. I'm meeting with my school board this week to discuss my child's school placement. I'm feeling discouraged by the lack of cooperation and compassion and I hate each day leaving my son in the care of non-caring folk. I'm praying for peace so that I can be the best advocate as possible for my son.

Anyway, Marvin Sap's version of Donnie McClurkin's classic was just what I needed today. May it bless you also!

Great News!

I have great news from this weekend. My son joined our church, made his first confession of faith and is now a candidate for baptism!!!

All praises to God!

He surprised me too. We have been talking about baptism but he kept saying he was not ready and so, we had not spoken of it in a couple weeks. Imagine my surprise when members of the children's church came over to stand before the adult congregation and MY SON was among the group. I think everybody in the building heard my holla!!!

In other news, we have decided to loc his hair!! I had (still have) some reservations, mostly due possible peer pressure and how he will handle being outside of the norm at school. He's only 7 after all.

But here's our dilemma: he doesn't want to wear it cut low (neither do I); but when it gets this length, we struggle more with the brush and comb, which usually leads to arguments in the morning (neither of us likes this). He has made references about other people he knows who are loc'd and he likes the look of it. My hair is in twists 80% of the time and I notice he likes to play in my hair too. Anyway, we were snuggling Saturday night while watching a movie and I started playing in his hair. Before I knew it, the first row was twisted and we both liked what we saw. He wanted to do the whole head, and I talked him out of it.

We spent Sunday afternoon with family and I finally gave in to the pressure; his, my sister's and nieces/nephew.

So, after some trial and error, I finally decided to start his locs with braids. Now here comes the challenge. I need research and advice now on how to maintain them, especially after the loc'ing process begins. If anyone has any suggestions or knowledge to pass on, I'll gladly receive it.

So, here's my proud boy!

Damage control

I haven't posted in awhile about our therapy sessions. We have both been working at hard in our sessions, but as anyone one who has tried probably knows, change is difficult!

While things have improved at home and in other settings, my son's behavior at school has gradually deteriorated. It's been frustrating, for him and me, and I have chosen not to linger on the bad parts, just trying to build up his areas of success. However, a recent incident at school has pushed me to the point where I am about to pull him out of that environment.

Y'all, they broke my baby down on Wednesday!

I received a call from the school that my son was being disobedient and defiant. He was said to be walking in and out of the building without permission and was talking back to the staff. I informed the staff that I was enroute and would be there in about 10 minutes and I would handle him then.

I arrived at the school to find my son, OUTSIDE, standing near the curb of a busy intersection, ALONE, no adult supervision, pacing back and forth and crying his little heart out. You know, the kinda of deep cries where you can't even make noise anymore? Yeah, that!!

He saw me and immediately ran to me. I asked him to wait by the door until I could go in and check him out. When I went inside the cafeteria, where his aftercare program is held, I found about 30 children all lined up at the bank of windows, looking and laughing at my son's distress. The 4 or 5 adults who should have been caring for him, were also at the window. When they saw me, one of them had the decency to start to instruct the children to move away from the window.

I was furious!

I approached the sign-out table and then was loudly informed by the Aftercare coordinator that my son had been suspended from aftercare for 5 days due to his disobedience. I looked at her like the crazy person I now knew her to be and turned away without speaking. Just as I was headed for the door, one of the children cried out,

"Look, he gon, Ms ___, he's running down the street."

I immediately left, panicked that my child was no longer in my line of sight, got in the car and went after him. At this point, he was at the intersection, which was crowded with commuter traffic. A couple parents had gotten out of their cars, looking, trying to see if they could offer assistance. Another car had also stopped, and a strange woman approached my child who was walking, alone, with his little backpack on, crying his heart out.

I called to him and he did not respond. I called again, he looked back and started crying harder! I was finally able to pull my car off the road and park it and as I approached he screamed,

"No, you're mad at me! You don't love me! You don't want to be my mommy and I don't want you for my mommy anymore!"

I didn't say anything in response other than to take him by the hand, hug him and then put him in the car.

Did I hear anything from the school staff, who, for all they knew, my child had been hit by one of the speeding cars going by at that intersection?

NO!

Did any of the adults I pay to care for my child try to go to him, wrap their arms about him, or otherwise try to soothe him? Even though, strangers on the street were trying to do just that?

NO!

My son has not been to school these past two days. The aftercare coordinator has been blowing up my phone. No word from the principal. I contacted the Board of Education and filed a complaint and a request to have us tranferred. Barring that, I wanted information on what I needed to do to inform the state that my son was being placed in a private school setting. If any of you have any advice about this, feel free to offer it up. I need all I can get.

I have spent the last couple days trying to rebuild the damage that incident created in my child. We've been cuddling, rubbing, hugging, and feeding. In our theraplay session last night, our therapist asked my son to identify any hurt places or booboo's on his body and she was going to put lotion on them and make them all go away. After the first few little spots on his legs, I took over. My baby identified hurt spots all over his body, places that I needed to rub and love away. Nearly broke my heart.

He's been at his daycare for the past two days and I plan to keep him there until I can make alterate arrangements. They have also been loving on him and he seems to finally be at peace again.

When asked if he wanted to return to his school, his response to me was a blank stare and a fearful "No."

That's all the answer I needed.

Exciting times

First, I was informed today that I have been promoted into a new position at my job!! Yayy! This totally unexpected. The company has been downsizing and tightening up pursestrings lately; in fact, one of our satellite clinics is scheduled for closure tomorrow and the staff and clients will be informed for the first time then. So, if I gave any thought to changes in my future employment, it would have been that I would be getting a pink slip soon given that I've been working here less than 6 months.

The new position will involve me creating a new department from the ground up and possibly having at least some say in the people that will be working with me. I've got to tie up some loose ends in my current position, but will be able to start in my new post in about 2 weeks.

Second, my playa card was revoked this morning. I had a golden opportunity to make my intentions known to my current crush last night. . . and I blew it! He unexpectedly showed up at my house with some other friends, and I found that I could not wrap two words together to sjay to him. Dumbstruck!! He even gave me an opening by hanging back after the other friends were moving to the car and I just stood there and smiled, like an idiot. My co-worker is the one who revoked the card,

"Not you??!! What about all that clever, funny stuff you be telling ME to say? Uh-uh. . . I'm taking it back."

Well, the only thing I can say in my own defense is that I was totally taken off guard at his appearance, and something about seeing him in my home space was . . . I don't even have the words. Oh, well. . . I did get a nice hug though ;-)

Third, my son sang in the Children's choir yesterday and did his mama PROUD! He was the only one singing directly into the microphone and doing all of the choreographed hand gestures they had been taught. You know I took a ton of pictures, right? Please indulge this mama for just a moment. (That's my Heart and Soul in the blue striped shirt).












And finally, somewhere in the next 24 to 48 hours, I should hear something about the short story I submitted to a local magazine contest. Please keep me in your prayers!!

Fun Weekend

We had a busy but fun weekend! We attended our neighborhood's annual street festival with friends (vendors, vendors, and more vendors!!) and then sorta kinda tailgated at a football game.










My nieces hung out with us Saturday and Sunday. We ended going with the youngest niece to see a production of "Oklahoma!". She is taking drama classes and so this was part of her assignment. My son and I just enjoyed the singing and dancing.

Out of the mouths of babes

I had lunch with my son at his school yesterday. I arrived at school just before his class' lunch period and was informed that my child was not in his classroom. I knew from past experience this was not good news. And indeed, he had been overwhelmed by the classroom environment, became frustrated and was in the office completing his work 1:1 with another teacher.

I have to admit that I was rather disappointed. I told him when I dropped him off at school that I would be returning to have lunch with him. For some children, that would have been enough warning to be on their best behavior, at least until the mama left, but my baby. . . I think it was likely more pressure than he needed which led to his inability to regulate himself for the entire morning.

I am however, proud to report that I caught myself mid-fuss and reminded myself of what we had been learning in therapy. I decided that my disapproval or the anticipation of my disapproval is likely playing some role in that day's dysregulation and so I stopped, regulated myself and loved on him instead of fussing.

So, while in the cafeteria, we were sitting at the table, he was doing his level best NOT to cry and it was coming off as defiance and frustration. The kids in his class took me by surprise. I work with special needs children professionally, and I have often observed that children with emotional disorders are sometimes rejected or at least, ignored by their peers. Instead, these kids rallied around him and nearly overwhelmed me in their support of him. They were sweet and funny at the same, you know what I mean if you've ever spent extended time around a group of 7 year olds. They started out "ratting him out",

"He did this today; he did that today.'

Then the whole table of 8 jumped into a discussion about why he was upset today and how I really shouldn't be mad at him because,

"He was just too anxious, he couldn't help it," as one little dimpled darling informed me.

"Yeah, it got too loud for him and he just started doing THIS!" chimed in another, while demonstrating by putting his hands over his ears.

"I tried to help him by saying, 'calm down, calm down' but it was too late and Mr. Jones had to come and get him," claimed a third, in a matter of fact facsimile of an adult.

I was so thankful to know that despite his challenges, he is liked and valued by his peers; these kids, some of whom have known him since they started kindergarten together, have learned to adjust to his outbursts and seek to help him when possible. Even if some adults are unable to recognize it, these babies know what I know: my Heart and Soul is a wounded but beautiful soul and is someone definitely worth fighting for.

He's at the heart of what matters to me

I love long weekends. It really gives my son and I time to de-stress and reconnect with each other. We didn't do anything in particular other than the usual errands. Mostly, we were just at home, "hangin'" as my kid likes to tell me, and talked.

So, this evening, while working on his spelling words for the coming week, he drops off a few priceless pearls that I thought I'd share:

He is taking French lessons at school and he prattled off some french phrase that he had learned the previous week. Sounded good to me, but I had no idea what he said. So, I asked.

"She hasn't told us what it means yet," he replied.

"Well, it seems to me," spouted his wise parent, "that maybe she was waiting for some brilliant child to ASK her what it meant. I'm thinking someone like MY brilliant child!"

"There are lots of brilliant children in my classroom."

**crickets**

Smart aleck!

Ok, so later he shares,

"Oh, and I had a dream about heaven."

"Oh, yeah? What was it like?" I inquired.

"There were lots of people there, good people, people who had been shot (we had just watched a re-run of 'Ghost'). Oh, and Jesus was there."

"Really? Did y'all get a chance to talk?"

"Yes ma'am. I asked Him to help me control my behavior in school and to give me a good attitude."

"You did?"

"Yes, ma'am and the next day, He made it come true."

"Yeah, Jesus is kinda good that way." was my wise retort.

So, he continued writing for a beat and then,

"Oh, I forgot. Jesus told me that I should have that Hot Wheels Slam toy that I showed you the other day!"

Indeed!