IN PURSUIT OF . . .

Sesame Street's I Love My Hair

2010-10-20T14:23:00.002-05:00

I love this little video. A plucky little muppet in a pretty pink dress, her brown hair a perky 'fro, is helping little girls — and their moms — to accept themselves just the way they are by loving their hair.

The Official George W. Bush Presidential Librarium

2009-07-11T10:14:00.001-05:00

The Official George W. Bush Presidential Librarium

Shared via AddThis

Family Fun Friday

2009-06-19T12:11:00.013-05:00

I've been meaning to post these pictures for awhile now. It's a darn shame just how late some of them are, but better late than never, right?

I mentioned in an earlier post that we traveled to the Gulf Coast for my birthday in March. We had an awesome time. Just me and my boys.

View from the Condo

Friend, My Heart and Soul and Favorite Nephew (shhh, don't tell my other nephews!)

In April, I escorted my boys to the Space Museum and Rocket Center in Huntsville, AL. The boys had their first experience on a rock climbing wall. Here they are receiving their instructions. Both of them told me how scared they were, but they climbed that wall like they were born to it. I thought I had videotaped the experience, but a funny thing happens when you don't hit the 'record' button. . . NOTHING!! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

In June, the Cub Scouts had an outing at a local nature center where we discoved all kinds of fun things including insects, snakes, geese and poisonous plants. The mama's response was "ewwww" but the boys LOVED it!

And finally, my child tells me that this story is not complete without showing the other members of our family. Meet Chuckie and Lillian!

The wisdom to know the difference. . .

2009-06-15T22:24:00.003-05:00

I was molested as a child. Repeatedly. Over the course of many years.

For the longest time, I never spoke a word of it; believing that somehow there was something wrong with me that caused that individual to target me and that I was responsible for his actions because I never told.

That's a heavy burden for a 4 year old.

For the longest time, I never fully realized that, even after I was moved out of his grasp and eventually grew into adulthood, I remained that terrified, abused little girl. I continued to allow his abuse and control to reign over me, at least figuratively.

Two recent events brought this piece of my personal history back to me. I ran into a former lover about 6 months ago. He was someone who knew me before I fully understood that I still carried significant baggage from my childhood and before I recognized the significant impact it had on my romantic and sexual relationships. This individual made the unfortunate mistake of forcing himself on me sexually. Even though we had been intimate for over a year at that time, the idea of him taking the choice of consent away from me destroyed me and our relationship. I thought I was madly in love with this person, but in the middle of an argument he was not able to win, he chose to control and master me with sex.

Big mistake.

We had an opportunity to discuss that earlier this year and even after all this time, he still didn't "get it"; he didn't understand how "one little mistake" could end our relationship. He couldn't understand how I could not stand to look at him, much less have him to touch me in anyway. I was literally nauseous whenever I heard his voice.

Well, unfortunately for him, at this point, I no longer cared to go through the motions of trying to explain it to him. I didn't share with him, but was both pleased and curious to discover about myself, was that, it and he, no longer had the emotional impact they once did. My lack of interest was due to both my own growth, as well as to my realization of what a selfish, self-centered pig he was then and now. I chose him because I didn't think I deserved better.

But, THANK GOD, I finally got a clue, I understood. I experienced an epiphany that showed me the extent to which I had allowed my abuser to control me, long after he had lost physical control. For years, he controlled my thoughts, my emotions, my choices, my fears. . .

For the longest time I was unable to sleep on my back and I couldn't sleep without being covered up, from head to toe, in sometimes 2-3 blankets, even in the middle of a southern summer. I had done this since I was a kid. Indeed, my family joked about it all the time; of course, they had no idea of it's significance. And for the longest time, neither did I. But until then, I experienced significant anxiety without the weight of the blankets and if for some reason, I didn't have access to the blankets I needed, I knew I would be in for a long, anxious-filled night.

I was well into my 30's before I figured it out. My perpetrator would come into my bedroom at night and pull the covers off me in order to gain the access he wanted. My 4-yr old mind decided that if I were covered up, he wouldn't be able to get to me or if not, I would least have some warning of his intent. Of course, it didn't work, but that didn't stop my innocent logic and the efforts I made to try to protect myself from him.

As soon as I put this together, my need to be buried under the covers ended. I could finally tell that 4 year old child that she no longer had anything to fear. This was the beginning of my recovery. I'm not fearful of the dark anymore. I don't remember his name. I can no longer remember his smell that haunted me for years. I no longer feel the murderous rage that had me considering to take his life at one time. And I make much better choices in lovers .

I am communicating with the love of my life again. I have loved this man since Jan 21, 1993, when he smiled at me across a banquet table in a room full of people where I used to swear there was no one there but the two of us. Unfortunately, we were on dates with other people that night; he didn't approach me then, but later, he nagged several of our friends to death in order to get my phone number. Within a couple months, we were in love, living together and engaged to marry.

I've often thought about what went wrong with us. Over the years, people who know have asked that same question, usually in disbelief when I tell them we broke up. We just fit. And while I can throw immaturity and several other things in the mix to explain, I know a large part of it was due to the fact that I could never really believe that he truly loved me. Somehow I just KNEW he would betray our love and the life we were building together. I never could fully understand what he saw in me. To me, he was an angel sent straight from heaven! So, why would he want me?

Anyway, y'all already know how that story ended.

Over the years, we have been in and out of each other's lives. We come in and then one of us does something to hurt the other and then we're out again. I'm no martyr, my angel, while perfect for me, is far from perfect. But I do recognize how my trust issues played a major role in keeping us apart.

So, this was the second event that had me thinking about my past history of abuse and to recognize that my history no longer dictates my present and future. I contacted him again a couple months ago. I was not sure of my reception, but what I finally accepted, without a doubt, was that I loved him and that, at least at one time, he truly loved me. As we've been talking and taking baby steps towards each other again, I'm amazed at my growth and healing. I found a journal I was keeping at the time, and reading it now makes me want to cry for that pain-filled, insecure woman. I know that he was never intentionally tried to hurt me, and if anything, after awhile, he was mostly trying to prevent me from hurting him.

We're not dating, and I have no real agenda about where we may or may not end up. I want the opportunity to heal the damage we both caused; I want my friend back. I want to get to know him again, without the filter of abuse and damaged self esteem hovering between us. I need him to be an active part of my life again, even if it develops no further than where we are now. And fortunately for me, for us, he was open to receive my invitation.

I thank God for the healing. I thank God that He opened me up to love, both to give and to receive.

Thank God for the healing.

Update on Hair Biz

2009-05-28T13:50:00.002-05:00

Turns out the dress code restricts "trendy" hair styles, defined as braids with beads and no unnatural hair dye. It also calls for boys' hair not to extend below their collars and to be out of their eyes. My son's locs meets this criteria exactly.

I shared that the other teacher(black) stated that his hair would have to be shaved to his head, even though I saw white and Latino boys whose hair was longer. I was speaking to the Asst Principal (non-black) who stated that she was unaware that this was policy, and that as far as she was concerned, his hair should not be a problem. And despite what the "other" teacher said, the only person to make that call was the Principal, who was still on bereavement leave.

It's hard to believe that even now, some of us are still living like crabs in a barrel.

So, I'm not going to stress over this anymore; I am not shaving his head, but I am willing to keep it at it's current length during the school year. If we are admitted into this school, my son will not be taught by the "other" teacher, so hopefully that will cut down on some possible backlash. The administration would have revealed to me an open minded attitude about diversity and all is well in our universe.

However, if the principal calls back and tells me that locs are not acceptable, regardless of length, then I know this is not a place we want to be anyway.

I'll let you know what we decide.

I am not my hair?

2009-05-25T11:09:00.004-05:00

Happy Memorial Day everyone! If you know any soldiers, airmen, or squibs, currently serving or ones who served in past conflicts, please, let them know how much we appreciate their sacrifice and dedication to the safety of this country.

I have decided to enroll my son into a regular school in the fall; I've been interviewing private schools. I seriously doubt either of us want to relive the trauma of public school.

Anyway, my son and I met with the staff at a small Catholic school that came highly recommended to us. Not only for their educational standards and small student to teacher ratio, but the success they've had with special needs children.

My son was excited by what he saw, the children seemed friendly and well-behaved. In fact, several students came up to him and started chatting while I met with the 3rd grade teacher. He seriously did not want to leave.

The only glitch came when we met with the 2nd and 3rd grade teachers to discuss their curriculum. The 2nd grade teacher, an older black woman, who, in fact, was the only black faculty that I observed on our tour. She very likely could have taught my parents; she was very proper and conservative. Anyway, after the meet and greet, she turned to my son and said,

"Well, I can tell you first off, that you're going to have to cut his hair. Those. . . braids. . . do not conform to our dress code."

Some of you may know that my son's hair is loc'd. He has a gorgeous head of 3 to 4 inch long baby locs. I should also say that on the day of the interview, I wore my own natural hair in small individual plaits, which could also pass for locs, for the unschooled. My son and I just looked at her. I finally responded that his hair was not in braids, but loc'd and that the style was permanent.

"Well, regardless, we require that our boys hair is close cropped."

At the time, I simply nodded at her in acknowledgment. I considered commenting that I had observed several Caucasian and Latino boys with hair well below their collars, but decided I would reframe. . . for now. So, we continued with the interview. When we got back into the car to head home, the first thing out of my son's mouth was "Mommy, I don't want to cut my hair." I confirmed that I didn't either but it was not a decision that we needed to make now.

Now, I spoke to a friend of mine later, who said, "It's just hair. If you like the school, just cut it. He can grow locs another time." Well, that's true, I suppose, but then I started wondering that if we enrolled at this school, what else would we have to sacrifice in order to fit in? What lessons do I really want my son to learn about conformity?

I am NOT conservative, not in my dress and especially not in my attitudes and beliefs. I am not a conformist; I like being part of the tenth. I encourage free thinking in my son's head. There are some things that I teach that I believe are essential to being a productive citizen, but as long as he stays within those parameters, I encourage him to be whatever he and God designed him to be.

Although my child is only 7, nearly 8, the decision to loc his hair was his. If it had been up to me, I would've chosen for him to wait, at least until he was in his teens because I felt that at this age, he may not be able to handle the probable negative reaction to his hair. And each time I tried to divert him, he was even more insistent that this was what he wanted to do.

So, I plaited his hair one weekend. Mostly as an experiment to see how he would handle public reaction. He came home from school one afternoon and I asked what the response was to his braids. He said that for the most part, people seemed to like it, but mostly there was no reaction. Then he added that he overheard two children talking about his hair to each other. One child said that he thought my son looked like a girl. My child said he went over to them and said, "I'm not a girl, I'm a boy and my hair looks GOOD!"

Aight, so he's more like his mama than I sometimes realize.

Anyway, so this was the beginning of our journey to locs. As his hair has grown and the loc process begun, I think I enjoy his hair as much as he does. I'm using the latch method to tighten his roots, which usually takes about an hour or so to do. So, once or twice a month, I latch his hair and my son and I are talking, bonding, laughing, loving. I mean, we talk all the time, but during this particular time, the level of conversation is deeper. It's a very intimate time and I think we both look forward to those moments.

So, for me, for us, this decision is more than 'just hair'.

Another friend encouraged me to meet with the principal of the school (who was away on a family emergency during our tour) and get a copy of the dress code. Mostly, he said, just to be certain that that teacher wasn't being "niggerish" (I'm sorry if I've offended anyone with this term. If you need some clarification of it's meaning in this context, send me an email and I'll elaborate further.)

So, I plan to meet with the principal later this week. I'm also interviewing other schools, so even if we can't fit in here, there is a place for us.

The Letter

2009-05-23T13:19:00.005-05:00

I recently found a letter written to me by my mother. It was dated 2002 and I was living in Florida at the time. I was surprised to see that I had kept it.

You see, letters from my mother are never a good thing. Whereas some people can look forward to written communications from their parents, I can't. Letters from her usually hail nothing but badgering and criticism. It's been more than a minute when I stopped allowing her to talk badly to me either in person or on the phone. I finally figured out the value of an untimely exit and a quick hang up.

Then she learned that when she wanted to say something that she knew I wouldn't listen to, she put it in a letter. And her reasoning was sound, at least in her head. This is a direct quote: "I'm writing you because I want you to hear what I have to say and when I'm finished, it's off my conscience and in yours." Ok, so because she was miserable, she wanted to spread misery to all, particularly her oldest daughter.

This letter was no different than many others I have received over the years. It was full of negativity and emotional punishment. I said I was surprised to find that I had kept it, because, some time ago, I alone was responsible for my peace of mind. Therefore I started to destroy any letters from her, unread, and unopened. But this letter apparently came before that realization.

So, I read it again this week. Despite time and distance, the emotional impact was just as palpable and easily took me back to a place of self doubt and self-destruction. She was angry that I made a decision without consulting her. (Mind you, I was well and truly into my adulthood in 2002). And so every line in this 4-page 8 1/2 by 11 inch ruled paper was filled with hate and venom. I have never understood what I had ever done to her to generate this emotion. I am her first born child and by many standards, am fairly successful. I've never been to jail, never used drugs, never stolen or deliberately hurt anyone. I'm mild mannered until you piss me off. And even then, I've never cursed or abused her; I take to heart the bible reference to honor thy mother and thy father.

But despite all this, I would swear that at times, that woman HATED me. I internalized that hate and for the longest time, despite external success, I despised myself and felt that I had done nothing to earn either my mother or God's favor.

I can look back now and see how this internalized hatred lead me into all kinds of bad relationships and other stupid decisions, mostly because I didn't think that I deserved better.

Anyway, I have not spoken to my mother in nearly three years despite the fact that we now live in the same city. She contacted me this past Christmas and I had a brief hope that perhaps the time apart may have led to a meeting of the mind, so to speak. However, the note she sent me was again filled with venom.

My sister and brother keep telling me that I'm wrong in not talking to her. You know how black folk are about their mamas. My brother even had the nerve to chastise me for not calling her Mother's Day. I did think about it, and then opted against it when I compared the relative peace in my life currently against the strife I knew I would feel if I heard her voice again. I also considered that maybe God would not be pleased with my separation from her, memba' "Honor thy father and mother"? But if you read a little further down in that same passage of scripture, it also says, "Parents, do not provoke your children to wrath."

I can't be the person God has called me to be when I allow my mother into my intimate space. The problem is hers, not mine and she has got to find peace for herself. I finally accepted that I would never be able to do ANYTHING that will make her happy, until she finds that joy within.

Finding this letter was timely because recently I haven't been able to write. I finally tuned in to my internal dialogue and heard lots of 'what ifs'. What if my writing is not as good as others? What if I never get published? What if people discover that I'm not as good as they think I am?

And then, the kicker for me was when I heard these words in my own head, "why are you trying to write this thing anyway? You always think you're better than everyone else or you think you should have more than everyone else."

Here's another quote from the letter: "When you get so high you are above your own people, you are too high and is subject to failure."

I'm glad I found this letter this week. I returned to my manuscript and started writing again. I was overwhelmed by my sheer pleasure of the creative process. I couldn't believe how much I had missed Ima, Micah, David and the others. They apparently missed me too because they have had much to say in the past few days.

I know exactly why I kept that letter.

I knew I would need the reminder.

Mother's Day

2009-05-08T14:12:00.004-05:00

What makes a mother?

This question holds more significance for me now that I am a mother; and a single mother to boot.

I remember the first Mother's Day after my son came home. Mothers at our church were asked to stand so that the congregation could honor them. I stood up but I still remember even now how awkward it was for me. I almost felt like a fraud, that somehow I had not yet earned the title "Mother" even though my son had been in my heart, at that point, for over 3 years.

I knew even then that there was more to being a mother than having a legal document with your name on it or even giving birth. Take for example, the woman who actually gave birth to my child, or heck, my own mother. A mother does not necessarily have to be one who shares a bloodline either. I have been blessed to have two mothers, neither of which is directly related to me.

A mother is someone who has the ability to experience and provide unconditional love and acceptance. She accepts that many sacrifices will be made over the course of her child's lifetime and she gladly makes them. She looks at her child through the eyes of love through tantrums, disobedience, sickness, puke and diarrhea.

She absorbs the pain of skinned knees, shots at the doctor's office, first fight . . . first heartbreak. Her heart breaks with every swing of the switch and lifts with every sloppy wet kiss or simple grin. She rejoices when her child takes his first step, the first day of school, the first job.

Hers is the smile we look for the first thing in the morning and the end of long stressful days. We sleep the sleep of angels because we know that a mother is standing by, looking over us, protecting us as we sleep.

So, this Mother's Day, I celebrate because I never knew it was possible to love anyone the way that I love my son. I celebrate because I love being a mother and because I had never thought it possible that someone so small could make me so happy or feel so important. Or more satisfied.

Happy Mother's Day!!

Random Ramblings

2009-05-07T09:28:00.002-05:00

I have seriously gotten out of the habit of blogging. It used to be that I woke up in the morning, posted SOMETHING, then spent the afternoon reading other blogs and in the evening, thoughtfully planning my NEXT post.

Well, I've gotten rusty.

So, I just made myself sit here at my laptop to write whatever was in my head.

There is one thing I'd like to get off my chest. Bear with me; rant ahead.

I rarely get sick, physically or emotionally. Thank you Lord for that. But it really surprised me the past couple months various people's reactions to my confession of panic attacks.

My sister: "what do you have to be anxious about?"

My girlfriend: "aw, that's too bad. So, anyway. Let me tell you about what happened to me."

My male friend: "what do you expect me to do?"

Now I suppose that they could be forgiven, because I rarely reveal emotional pain and distress to them, so they're not used to me reaching out to them for emotional support. But damn!! I would give the person on the street more than what my peeps offered me.

What the hell does that mean, "what do you have to be anxious about?" Was she saying that I was just being whiney and whimpy. Or that, as far as she could see, I had NO problems, I suppose, compared to hers?

Anyway, it pissed me off.

And then my girlfriend's response: I am a listener by nature and by training, and I am the person she usually turns to to work through her issues and I rarely, if ever, turn her away. But, perhaps subconsciously, I have never called on her to help me with my serious stuff, mostly cuz I didn't think she could handle it. But damn if she didn't show me I was right. Would it really have been such a big deal to put her stuff aside for just a minute??

This pissed me off too.

And well . . . my male friend. Well. It was a simple mistake in judgment for me to say anything to him. This is not my lover, well, he used to be, but now, he's just someone I talk to on occasion. He's always talking about how much he cares for me and well, I guess I thought this would be a good opportunity for him to prove it. As I said, an error in judgment brought on by my own stress and anxiety. He is one of the most selfish, self-absorbed person I have ever known. So, why would I expect him to exert himself on my behalf, when there was no immediate benefit to him?

Anyway, that just made me sad.

Just to be clear, not everybody in my world let me down. That small group that I hold especially close and dear, y'all know who you are, came through like gang bangers. I would never have been able to pull through without them, or certainly not as quickly.

But aside from them, I had to push those others aside, at least for a minute. I couldn't expend energy on them and take care of myself too.

I'm not mad anymore, I finally figured that I needed to understand their limitations and lower my expectations a bit. Oh, ok . . . a LOT!

Resurrection

2009-04-29T19:09:00.004-05:00

Wow. I just realized that it's been more than a month since my last post. Things got a little bit worse for me, emotionally, and I realized that I seriously needed to just STOP. So, I stepped back from EVERYTHING for awhile and spent some serious "me" time, trying to sort through some unresolved issues and regaining my sense of self.

Sometimes, I think I seriously buy into the theory that I am Superwoman. And while I think I am a "super" woman, I don't have any super powers and I need to recognize that from time to time.

So, I stopped. No blogging, writing, exercising, or socializing. I stopped trying to solve my family and friend's problems and struggles and focused all of my attention on mine. This was probably the hardest part of my break, because the people in my world are used to me being open to them anytime, any place. But, dag, y'all, my plate was FULL! And I didn't have anyone to empty my load on. So, a few feelings have been hurt.

I narrowed my focus down to my child and my job. The phones were disconnected and the inbox in my email got larger and larger. I got my cry on, a lot. . . often. . .multiple occasions. . . as often as it took for me to fully release. To some, this might seem extreme, and it probably is, but for me, it was just the thing I needed to regain control over my emotions and thoughts and regain my connection to God, and subsequently, peace.

I celebrated my birthday in March on the Gulf coast with my "boys", walking up and down the beach, collecting shells and allowing myself to be pampered and fussed over. We recently traveled again to Huntsville AL to the NASA Space Museum, with my son's Cub Scout troop. Now, one could ask how traveling with a group of 7-10 years old be relaxing, but kids this age are just so much fun to me. Listening to their excited chatter and joy in just being, was like manna from heaven and a balm to my soul.

I have missed my blog buddies and I'll probably spend the next couple days catching up on everything I've missed. I pray that all have been well with you and despite my absence, you were never far from my thoughts.

Writing Challenge update

2009-03-22T12:59:00.000-05:00

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Lent Update

2009-03-20T14:52:00.004-05:00

I feel like I've been out of touch for awhile, even though I continue to post my writing updates two to three times per week.

I continue to experience anxiety attacks and no one is more surprised by this than me. The consensus is that this is a result of accumulated stress from the fall and now that I am clear of the worst of it, my subconscious worries are making themselves conscious.

Well, whatever it is, it SUCKS!! Mostly because I never know when one will happen. This makes it so much worse for me cuz I know I am such the control freak. Anyway, as with most things, this too will pass.

In the meantime, work on the novel is progressing swimmingly. I'm just at 30,000 word count and the murky middle doesn't feel quite so murky anymore. Each day, it becomes a little bit clearer how I will work Ima, Micah and David out of their latest disaster.

The other part of my Lenten resolution was daily exercise. I am proud to admit that I have worked out 5-6 days since I started.

A friend of mine recommended the P90X program (yes, the one on the Infomercial) with trainer Tony Horton. That is an intense workout, designed for folk already in reasonable shape. These are the results my friend had after 90 days with P90X.

I've been living a couch potato lifestyle for a minute, so I figured this program would be more than I could handle right now. Instead, I chose the Power 90 program with the same trainer; supposedly, I'm also going to be ultra fine in 90 days. It's less intense than P90X, but effective in muscle definition and improved cardio. I cuss Mr Horton out daily, but I am definitely seeing results. I highly recommend this program. I just started my third week and I have lost 7 pounds and 10 inches all around.

So, that is more or less what's going on with me right now. My child is doing GREAT and experiencing a growth spurt. I'm going broke trying to keep him in pants and shoes that fit. Emotionally, he's in a great place. Now, just a typically hard headed 7 year old boy!!

Anyway, I'm back to editing. Have a great weekend!!

Writing Challenge update

2009-03-17T23:01:00.002-05:00

Over a thousand words in a minute?? Oh, yeah, that would make me SUPER WRITER!! However, I'm not, I'm just a goofy writer who hit the wrong button at the right time. I believe this word count is for 40 minutes.

Happy Writing!

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Writing Challenge update

2009-03-15T19:05:00.001-05:00

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Writing Challenge update

2009-03-13T19:13:00.000-05:00

	1258

34

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Writing Challenge update

2009-03-11T22:02:00.000-05:00

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No tears

2009-03-11T10:26:00.005-05:00

I mentioned in an earlier post that I have self-diagnosed myself with Seasonal Affective Disorder. I have been really please this season because I have worked really hard not to give in to the sadness and withdrawal that typically overtakes me in the dark winter months.

In fact, just two days ago, I was telling a friend "all you gotta do is keep busy and maintain your focus outside of yourself. THAT's the key."

Oh, how wrong I was.

See, I'm a crier. I am a firm believer in the healing properties of a good cry. Don't get me wrong, I'm not running around my office crying every time I can't have my way; didn't say I was a "cry baby", just a crier. I release my stress, anxiety, sadness, anger, frustration, joy, love, whatever emotion, you name it, I typically express it through my tears.

I can't remember the last time I cried. When we were going through the stress at the school, I was mad as hell, but no tears. When struggles came up in my love life, I threw tantrums and cajoled or ignored, but no tears. A co-worker or two have been gently cussed out, but no tears. My mother did her best to ruin our Christmas, I assertively told her to put satan behind her, but no tears.

Monday, I received a call that a close friend, an elderly gentleman in my church passed away Sunday. He wasn't blood family, but he was the sweetest, most genuine person I have met in a long time. I admired his dignity in coping with his illness, his faith in God. I admired the love and dedication he shared with his wife, who was perhaps 20 years his junior. My son also adored him. Anyway, he died at home Sunday afternoon, just the way he wanted.

My response? No tears.

As I type, I can think of multiple other stressors that have emerged over the past 4 or 5 months. Nothing major, but when they accumulate, and here's the key, WITHOUT release, eventually your mind and body will call HALT!

Monday night, mine did.

I woke up about midnite in the middle of an anxiety attack. For those of you who have not experienced this, it was the most frightening thing ever. I've never had one before. I have worked with people who have them, I have read and studied them, but never had the unique *ahem* pleasure myself.

I thought I was having a heart attack. I couldn't catch my breath, I felt a weight pressing down on my chest, my hands were trembling. At one point my left arm was hurting and, well, I started crying then, because I was convinced that I was about to die and that my son would have to find me in the morning and I knew he would not know what to do or how to cope.

I was a mess.

Anyway, at some point I realized that this was anxiety; tried meditation and deep breathing. All the stuff I teach my clients to do in this case. None of it worked. I finally fell into a shallow sleep after taking a Benadryl and a Mojito. (I hope none of my clients ever read this).

I spoke to one of my colleagues when I got to work Tuesday morning and was prescribed (temporarily) something to take the edge off and then was ordered home to do nothing but cry.

I took the meds, but unfortunately, didn't go home or take the time for the cry. Which is how I got myself into this mess to begin with. But I didn't want to scare my son with the kind of crying I needed to do. But he will be away from home for awhile today, so I'll start my *therapy* then.

The funeral is Saturday and we'll go and say our goodbyes. And then I think we're going to take a road trip. The beach may be calling us this weekend. Keep us in your prayers.

Writing Challenge update

2009-03-09T21:09:00.003-05:00

This past weekend was very productive. I spent most of the time editing and planning for future chapters. I'm rather surprised at the effort that is going into this process. I mean, I know how the book begins and I've already figured out an explosive ending, right? So, one would think the middle would be relatively simple. NOT.

So, I have, not lowered my expectations, just made them more realistic. I will continue with my Lenten plan to free-write, just so I can get as much done as possible in as timely a manner as I can, but I also need to factor in developing my "road map".

Anyway, I am pleased to announce that I have written over 23,000 words so far; I expect the book will be complete somewhere between 80,000 and 90,000 words. I managed to write three more chapters, however, I did not use the word count program. You can see I've still got quite a ways to go. But after this weekend, my view is much clearer.

Happy Writing!

Writing Challenge update

2009-03-04T22:49:00.000-06:00

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Pugilist Update

2009-03-04T09:42:00.003-06:00

I arrived to collect my child yesterday and before I could get into the door good, two little fellows about 8 or 9, NOT MY child, met me at the door with a hug. Once I stepped back, I realized that these were the two fellas who'd been fighting with my son for the past couple weeks. You might remember these kids? One involved a black eye and scratches?

Seconds later, my son joined us in a group hug. I finally deciphered from their excited chatter that they had resolved whatever conflict that had been going on between them. They were now best friends, and wanted me to know that they were just "play wrestling" now and no longer fighting.

I gave all three of them a hug and kiss and praised them for making good choices.

Then I thanked God!

I knew that my child needed to learn how to work through these types of problems on his own, that this was only the first in a long line of conflicts he would have to resolve. Without me.

But I wanted God to know how very much I appreciated the happiness and companionship that was exuded by these children. The pride on their faces at handling this without adults was a joy to behold. So what if it took blackeye, a couple fists, and rolls on the floor? They worked it out!

Of course, I'm not so far removed from my childhood that I don't realize that this whole situation could start all over again next week. But for now, I am so happy!!

Writing Challenge update

2009-03-03T21:39:00.001-06:00

I didn't free write tonight. Instead I spent two hours or so, writing long hand, trying to work out a plot detail with one of my favorite characters, David. I like to work the details out in advance of actually writing a scene; it just makes the process run more smoothly.

I'm now ready to write this scene for Wednesday's challenge.

Happy writing!!

Writing Challenge update

2009-03-02T23:12:00.000-06:00

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Writing Challenge update

2009-03-01T23:47:00.002-06:00

This has been a very productive weekend. I am on target with my goal of writing 5 days a week, free hand, free thought, no editing. The weekend was spent editing chapters and working through a couple tricky plot points that had been driving me MAD!! But I finally figured them out, which should make things much easier now during my free writing times.

Happy Writing!!

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President Obama's Budget

2009-03-01T18:36:00.001-06:00

10 things you should know about Obama's plan (but probably don't)

The plan:

Makes a $634 billion down payment on fixing health care that will go a long way toward paying for a more efficient, more affordable health care system that covers every single American.³

Reduces taxes for 95% of working Americans. And if your family makes less than $250,000, your taxes won't go up one dime.⁴

Invests more than $100 billion in clean energy technology, creating millions of green jobs that can never be outsourced.⁵

Brings our troops home from Iraq on a firm timetable, finally bringing the war to a close—and freeing up almost ten billion dollars a month for domestic priorities.⁶

Reverses growing income inequality. The plan lets the Bush tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans expire and focuses on strengthening the middle class.⁷

Closes multi-billion-dollar tax loopholes for big oil companies. ⁸

Increases grants to help families pay for college—the largest increase ever.⁹

Halves the deficit by 2013. President Obama inherited a legacy of huge deficits and an economy in shambles, but his plan brings the deficit under control as soon as the economy begins to recover.¹⁰

Dramatically increases funding for the SEC and the CFTC—the agencies that police Wall Street.¹¹

Tells it straight. For years, budgets have used accounting tricks to hide the real costs of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the Bush tax cuts, and too many other programs. Obama's budget gets rid of the smokescreens and lays out what America's priorities are, what they cost, and how we're going to pay for them.¹²

This is the change we voted for. President Obama has done his part, now we need to do ours.

Thanks for all you do.

–Daniel, Tanya, Peter, Justin and the rest of the team

P.S. Turns out there are way more than 10 amazing things in Obama's budget and we couldn't resist sharing just a few more.

Stops unnecessary government subsidies to big banks, health insurance companies and big agribusinesses.^13,14,15

Expands access to early childhood education and improves schools by investing in programs that make sure every child has a qualified, strong teacher.¹⁶

Negotiates for better prescription drug prices using Medicaid's tremendous bargaining power.¹⁷

Expands access to family planning for low-income women.¹⁸

Caps the pollution that causes global warming, and makes polluters pay to support clean energy innovation.¹⁹

Sources:

1. "Climate of Change," The New York Times, February 27, 2009
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/27/opinion/27krugman.html?em

2. "Obama Calls His Budget Sweeping, Needed Change," The New York Times, February 28, 2009
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=51201&id=15687-12460663-ro93sBx&t=2

3. "Obama Offers Broad Plan to Revamp Health Care," The New York Times, February 26, 2009
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=51202&id=15687-12460663-ro93sBx&t=3

4. "Obama Expects Fight Over $3.55 Trillion Budget Plan," Bloomberg News, February 28, 2009
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=51203&id=15687-12460663-ro93sBx&t=4

5. "Energy Budget Is Sunlight After Eight Years of Darkness," Center for American Progress, February 26, 2009
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=51204&id=15687-12460663-ro93sBx&t=5

6. "The Economic Cost of War in Iraq and Afghanistan," The New York Times, March 1, 2009
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/01/weekinreview/01glanz.html

7. "Tax Cuts," The New York Times, February 26, 2009
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/27/washington/27web-tax.html

8. "Energy Budget Is Sunlight After Eight Years of Darkness," Center for American Progress, February 26, 2009
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=51204&id=15687-12460663-ro93sBx&t=6

9. "Student Loans," The New York Times, February 26, 2009
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/27/washington/27web-edu.html

10. "Obama unveils budget blueprint," CNN, February 26, 2009
http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/02/26/budget/

11. "Obama budget would boost SEC, CFTC, FBI," Reuters, February 26, 2009
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=51205&id=15687-12460663-ro93sBx&t=7

12. "Obama's budget," Los Angeles Times, February 27, 2009
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=51206&id=15687-12460663-ro93sBx&t=8

13. "Student Loans," The New York Times, February 26, 2009
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/27/washington/27web-edu.html

14. "Health Insurance Stocks Dive on Medicare Advantage Cuts," The Wall Street Journal, February 26, 2009
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=51207&id=15687-12460663-ro93sBx&t=9

15. "Agriculture," The New York Times, February 26, 2009
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/27/washington/27web-agri.html

16. "Investing Wisely in Our Children," Center for American Progress, February 26, 2009
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=51208&id=15687-12460663-ro93sBx&t=10

17. "Obama Offers Broad Plan to Revamp Health Care," The New York Times, February 26, 2009
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=51202&id=15687-12460663-ro93sBx&t=11

18. "Obama Offers Broad Plan to Revamp Health Care," The New York Times, February 26, 2009
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=51202&id=15687-12460663-ro93sBx&t=12

19. "Setting 'Green' Goals," The New York Times, February 26, 2009
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=51209&id=15687-12460663-ro93sBx&t=13

My child, the pugilist

2009-02-28T10:40:00.003-06:00

Ok, I gotta admit, that this was kinda how I was feeling yesterday. I went to collect my child from his daycare yesterday afternoon and was pulled aside by the director/owner.

"We have a problem."

Before I asked her to continue, I looked over at my child, who was staring at me in defiance, with his lip poked out, almost daring me to contradict him.

Hmmmm.

Anyway, for the last couple days, I was told, my child has been physically fighting with another child, a little 8 year old boy. Right in the middle of the director's story, my child interrupted, crying and screamed,

"He was talking about me, saying things to hurt my feelings, I don't like kids to hurt my feelings. And he called you ugly; you're not ugly. I wasn't gonna let him punk me out."

You may recall the conversation we had a couple months on this topic and the advice I gave to him? Well, here it is, biting me in the butt.

So, the short of the story is that everyone agreed that the other child had been provoking my heart and soul. The first time it happened, he and the boy started fighting, the adults broke it up put them both in time out and that was the end of it; they didn't even tell me about it. But since then, whenever my heart and soul gets within striking distance of this kid, he would say something smart or hit the boy. Over and over again.

Oh, and I didn't mention that two weeks ago, he came home with his first black eye. He was proud of it, by the way, as he described what the other kid looked like in comparison with his own "just a scratch, mommy!" Again, he responded appropriately, according to the director, and though I didn't like it, I didn't really address it with him. Mostly because he did what I told him to do.

Ok, so fast forward back to yesterday. I am now torn on how to respond. To be clear, I don't want him to let other kids to pick on him. I want him to feel like he can and should defend himself when needed, but I don't want him turning into a bully either.

So, this is a call for advice from all single mothers raising boys and to the men: I need my lil stinker to come back a little towards the middle. So, what do I say or communicate to him in a way he can understand?

Notable Writing Contests- FYI

2009-02-27T19:07:00.000-06:00

top

SELECTED SHORTS WRITING CONTEST
The folks at NPR's acclaimed program, Selected Shorts, are sponsoring a writing competition with a very unique prize. The winning submission, selected by Ann Patchett, will be read as part of the Selected Shorts performance at Symphony Space on May 20, 2009. The story will be recorded for possible later broadcast as part of the public radio series. The winner will receive $1000.

Entry deadline is March 6, 2009. Find rules and entry instructions at SymphonySpace.org.

THE L MAGAZINE WANTS YOUR SHORT FICTION
The L Magazine is proud to announce the fifth annual Literary Upstart, The Search for Pocket Fiction. Writers are encouraged to submit their best previously unpublished short fiction. Semi-finalists will be invited to participate in one of three live readings at a dark and writerly NYC tavern. The three semi-finalists will also be published in The L Magazine’s annual Summer Fiction Issue.

First entry deadline is April 15, 2009. Find details and entry instructions here.

THE WRITER 2009 SHORT-STORY CONTEST
America's leading monthly writing magazine, The Writer, is now accepting entries for the 2009 Short-Story Contest. First prize is $1,000 and publication in the magazine.

Entry deadline is May 31, 2009. Learn more and enter at WriterMag.com.

GOTHAM'S 100-WORD WRITING CONTEST
For a chance to win a free 10-week writing workshop, dazzle us with a piece of writing that is no more than 100 words. You may use any topic and any form—fiction, nonfiction, or poetry. As Strunk and White say, "Vigorous writing is concise."

Entry deadline is April 3, 2009. Learn more and enter at WritingClasses.com.

TEEN WRITING CONTEST
Gotham has teamed with Sonya Sones, Simon & Schuster publishing, and Teen Ink for a truly original writing competition - The What My Girlfriend Doesn't Know Writing Contest. Teens are invited to enter for a chance to win a free online writing class.

Entry deadline is April 3, 2009. Learn more and enter here.

Thursdays Writing Challenge Update

2009-02-26T22:53:00.001-06:00

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Writing Challenge update

2009-02-25T22:24:00.000-06:00

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Frazz

2009-02-25T16:38:00.001-06:00

Problem Solving 101

Lent

2009-02-25T10:43:00.003-06:00

Today is the first day of the Lenten season. Neither my church nor my faith requires the period of fasting and sacrifice that is required by some denominations, but I personally see the value in the discipline that is needed to maintain this daily sacrifice for 40 days.

So, while I'm not required to participate in this process, I usually do, just for my own personal growth. Rather than take something away, however, I usually try to add something to my daily life and routine that has been lacking. I do my best to perform this act daily through Easter and my prayer is that it will be something that I can continue even throughout the year. There is research that says it takes months for successful behavior change to take place, so there you go.

I am a spontaneous woman. I like to do things off the cuff, so to speak. I am at my best when performing for a short deadline. I'm kind of a sprinter, I can give intense bursts of energy for a short period of time. I have never been able to run long distances or marathons. Never. Not even at my peak of fitness.

This translates also, unfortunately, in my approach to my day to day problems. It is really hard for me to plan for the distant future; I need the immediate feedback from short goals.

For example, I have a goal to lose X number of pounds; I'm having trouble meeting that goal because I can't see immediate change; then I lose interest and move on to something else. I am doing very well (for me) with my goal to write daily. I want to continue to do that, because I know me; it wouldn't take much for this to fall down the list of hundreds of daily life things that I need to prioritize.

I've been doing a lot of reflection and praying lately, asking for guidance, trying to understand this about myself. I mean, it's one thing to know it but the change process is intense. So, I'm searching for my own triggers to self sabatage.

A mentor once told me that I had many traits of an obsessive compulsive disorder or perfectionism. I laughed in her face and then pointed out to her, "how can you even say that? you've been to my house!" Seriously, y'all, I need a housekeeper in the worst kind of way. At the best of times, cleaning house is at the bottom of my most fun activities, but when I'm busy and overtaxed, it falls even further down my priority list.

But my mentor was insistent with her belief and pointed out things that she felt was evidence to support her theory. When she finished, and unfortunately, it took her awhile to do that, I had to own up to at least some of what she said. I'm not a neat freak, but I do like things done in a certain way. When I clean, my environment becomes spotless. I live with two dogs and a busy, barely pays attention little boy. There is no way that my house can stay spotless without my working at it all the time. So, I know that I can't maintain it, so I don't do it. She believes that one of the reasons that I am the perfect parent for my particular child is that I provide for him a highly structured home environment, something that had been missing in his foster care placements and fulfills his need for stability.

The downside of this, is that without immediate feedback, I get more easily frustrated than some (parenting stuff) and I think, this taps into my fear of failing and so I quit or lose interest (other stuff).

So, for this Lenten season, I am setting two long term goals, long for me at least. For the next 40 days, I will exercise daily for at least 30 minutes; more if I can fit in the time, but no less than 30. Past experience tells me that if I can just make this a part of my daily routine, it will become reinforcing and I won't have to force myself to do it, I will WANT to do it, just like I now want to eat. So, this time will help me to re-establish it as part of my daily routine.

The second goal relates to my writing schedule; I feel the impact of my perfectionism here most of all. I have imposed a couple deadlines on myself; I want to be close to finishing this novel at least by August. I have plans to attend a writing conference that will include networking with both editors and agents of some major publishing houses. I will even have an opportunity to pitch my novel to an editor (10 whole minutes, y'all) and so I want this thing to be polished.

Because of this, I am reviewing and editing, and reviewing and editing the chapters that I have already produced, but I am stalled at producing the rest of it. At the pace I am now working, I'll be lucky to have this thing done by Feb 2010!! Ok, it's not that bad, but I'm taking this as a warning to myself.

So, goal number two. I will write, at my PC, with no editing or reviewing, for at least one hour 5 days a weeks. When I make myself focus, I can produce anywhere between 1000 to 2000 words during this time and so this pace would better suit my goals. The rest of the time, I can feed my need to edit, but during that time, I am just allowing my imagination and fingers to flow.

This may sound easy, but for me, this will make the next month or so extremely challenging. I will document my progress daily for the sake of accountability. Starting TODAY!

This could be painful. . .

2009-02-20T10:54:00.004-06:00

Yikes!! I'm taking care of a feverish seven year old today and trying to fight off my own possible cold, but overall, things are good.

It's Friday, which always suggests unknown and exciting possibilities. I'm hoping my kid is feeling better by tomorrow; his best friend is having a birthday party and they've done nothing but talk about it all week.

Writing is a big part of my world these days, so forgive me if it gets mentioned every few days (or every few hours for my real life friends!!). It's even more so lately, because I am trying to meet a couple deadlines.

I've been seeking and getting really good advice from professional writers and artists and each agree that it's not enough to produce quality product. Professional writing is just like any other business, is a who you know game, less so than what you know.

That's fine; it's the same in my current career, so I'm trying to get myself into this game too. I know there are other aspiring writers out there, so I'll share a couple pearls of advice that have been offered up to me:

1) attend at least one writer's conference each year.

The value in this is not just an opportunity to improve your craft, but this is a major networking opportunity. Typically, authors, editors, agents and publisher's are congregating in one place. What better place to introduce your project and even receive feedback? I just registered for one in my region, hence my deadline.

2) join a writer's group.

it's a way of getting others to give you direct feedback on your current projects and assistance in working out plot or just picking up new ideas. I'm still searching for a writer's group in my local area, but I found a really good online writer's group. It's just been a full week, but I'm already benefiting.

3) write something daily.

Even if you feel yourself getting stuck on your current project, continue to write anyway. Whether it's a blog post, a haiku, a journal entry, SOMETHING! Ideas or inspiration can come from anywhere. Perhaps you just need to step away and gain a new perspective.

4) professional writing is a BUSINESS.

Get to know the business side of things and know it well. There is currently a big market out there for self-publishers. But as with anything, there are scammers out there too, so be certain to read the fine print. If you're seeking representation from an agent, be certain to read their ethical guidelines and learn the business standard in terms of fees and such. Some of them aren't right, either. If you decide to go the traditional route and seek publication from one of the major publishing houses, be certain to research their submission guidelines. Failure to follow even one of their steps could result in your work ending up in a mile high slush pile.

5) Seek out and enter contests

This one is kind of a companion to #1 and #3. If you seek to write daily, your work will continue to improve; by entering contests, you open your work up to possible feedback from your peers, which may also help to improve your writing. And if you start winning contest, then you gain the benefit of name recognition, which may push you even closer to your goal for publication.

Ok, had to get that out. Now back to our regularly scheduled programming. . .

And then THIS MESS

2009-02-18T16:32:00.001-06:00

Have you seen this?

If the graphic fails use this link: http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/feb/18/new-york-post-cartoon-race

New York Post in racism row over chimpanzee cartoon

African-American activist Al Sharpton claims newspaper may have portrayed Barack Obama using racist imagery

Oliver Burkeman in Washington
guardian.co.uk, Wednesday 18 February 2009 18.58 GMT
Article history

This New York Post cartoon depicts police shooting a chimpanzee

At first glance, the main editorial cartoon in today's New York Post seemed like just another lurid reference to the story that the tabloid had been covering with breathless abandon for two days running - the shooting by Connecticut police on Monday of a pet chimpanzee that viciously attacked his owner's friend.

But the caption cast the cartoon in a more sinister light. "They'll have to find someone else to write the next stimulus bill," it read, prompting accusations that the Post was peddling a longstanding racist slur by portraying president Barack Obama, who signed the bill into law yesterday, as an ape.

In a statement issued today, Al Sharpton, the Baptist minister and civil rights activist, called the cartoon "troubling at best, given the historic racist attacks [on] African-Americans as being synonymous with monkeys".

He added: "Being that the stimulus bill has been the first legislative victory of President Barack Obama ... and has become synonymous with him, it is not a reach to wonder: are they inferring that a monkey wrote the last bill?... The Post should at best clarify what point they were trying to make, or in fact reprimand their cartoonist."

David Paterson, the governor of New York state, told a local television station that it was "very important for the New York Post to explain what the cartoon was intended to portray".

In response, the newspaper's editor-in-chief, Col Allen, noted Sharpton's love of media attention. "The cartoon is a clear parody of a current news event, to wit the shooting of a violent chimpanzee in Connecticut," he said. "It broadly mocks Washington's efforts to revive the economy. Again, Al Sharpton reveals himself as nothing more than a publicity opportunist."

T-shirts portraying Obama as the children's book character Curious George, a monkey, made occasional appearances among audience members at Republican rallies during last year's election campaign, and a similar stuffed doll continues to be advertised online.

The Post's cartoonist Sean Delonas, meanwhile, has frequently been accused of bigotry: the New York gossip blog Gawker once nicknamed him "the Picasso of prejudice".

The criticism has centred on his portrayals of gay characters, which have linked homosexuality to bestiality. The pressure group Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation has repeatedly called his work "juvenile" and "immature".

The Post, which is owned by Rupert Murdoch, endorsed Obama over Hillary Clinton in the Democratic primaries, but John McCain in the general election.

WTH??!!

2009-02-18T12:23:00.002-06:00

Here's one for the WTH? files:

About This Video

Title: "Drunken Negro Face" Cookies On Sale at Greenwich Village Bakery

Description: Ted Kefalinos, proprietor of Lafayette French Pastry, asked her, "Would you like some drunken nigger heads to go with your coffee? They're in honor of our new president. He's following in the same path of Abraham Lincoln; he will get his."

Duration: 4:32

http://www.blackbottom.com/watch.php?v=uDvdMGxFpzw

Now, I admit, I hesitated to post the link to this video because I really dislike giving attention to idiots and bigots, especially those who are obviously willing to do or say anything to get attention. But, I thought about it again and decided that I wanted to be a part of the group that exposed this man as the blatant racist, hate-filled idiot that he is. And don't be lulled into thinking he is harmless just because he openly displays his hatred.

If he's not actively involved with an organized group of other bigots, he is giving courage to someone else to act on the very ideals he is promoting.

I am now wondering why he is not jailed. He openly expressed the desire for the assassination of our president. Shouldn't that concern someone other than me?

I would think black and colored folk in general who live and work in Greenich Village would be concerned about EATING anything that comes from his bakery. He obviously holds anyone not like him in disdain.

And while I would not condone openly confronting this idiot, I think if I lived in New York, that I would make it my business to slowly run this ass out of business.

I'm just saying. . .

Wednesday Morning Humor

2009-02-18T07:00:00.001-06:00

Have a great day, everybody!!

The Color Quiz Personality Test

2009-02-18T07:00:00.000-06:00

Ok, so I admit it. . . I was goofing off again. But this time, I came across a real find. The Color Quiz test is sited as a personality test and apparently colors that "move" you or make you feel things make some comment about your personality.

Most of the time, these things are a joke for me. I have studied and even assisted in creating some of these doggone tests, and so when I take them, I know what they're looking for and the results are based on my responding in the correct manner rather than me giving honest responses of my true feelings. I really don't do that on purpose.

Anyway, I like this test because there is no cognitive component, your responses are solely coming from an emotional, instintual place, ergo, no way to second guess. This is probably one of the few tests that have given an accurate description of my nature.

So, I'm going to expose my tender regions to y'all. Be gentle!!

******************************************************************************

Your Existing Situation Hopes to obtain an improved position and greater prestige, so that she can procure for herself more of the things she has had to do without. Your Stress Sources The existing situation is disagreeable. Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the rank and file. Her control of her sensual instincts restricts her ability to give herself, but the resulting isolation leads to the urge to surrender and allow herself to merge with another. This disturbs her. as such instincts are regarded as weaknesses to be overcome; she feels that only by continued self-restraint can she hope to maintain her attitude of individual superiority. Wants to be loved or admired for herself alone; needs attention, recognition, and the esteem of others. Your Restrained Characteristics Circumstances are restrictive and hampering, forcing her to forgo all joys and pleasures for the time being.

Circumstances are such that she feels forced to compromise for the time being if she is to avoid being cut off from affection or from full participation.

Your Desired Objective Longs for tenderness and for a sensitivity of feeling into which she can blend. Responsive to anything esthetic and tasteful. Your Actual Problem Wants to be valued and respected, and seeks this from a close and peaceful association of mutual esteem. Your Actual Problem #2 Needs to achieve a stable and peaceful condition, enabling her to free herself of the worry that she may be prevented from achieving all the things she wants. Thank you for using http://www.ColorQuiz.com/

"The Runaway" Daily Word count

2009-02-17T13:24:00.004-06:00

	974

1

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Actually, I wrote 974 words in 30 minutes. I did something goofy before I hit the "done" button, which made it look like I amsuperwoman for real!! I am trying to be disciplined in writing this novel and so I have a goal to write something every day. So far however, I find myself writing throughout the day, and in any spare moment I have. These characters continue to talk to me even when I'm sleeping. Can you tell I'm excited??!!

I'm still choosing

2009-02-17T10:53:00.006-06:00

You know, sometimes it does not pay to tell some folk about good things that are happening in your life, or even just to express your satisfaction with life in general. I don't know if this is a reflection of the universe trying to restore balance, satan just f'ing with me, or haters and their life philosophy of misery loving company.

Yesterday, it seemed that everywhere I turned I was faced with negativity and funky attitudes, with people trying extra hard to show me how little I mattered to them. At one point, I realized that I had an awful knot in the pit of my stomach, found myself fighting back tears and was overwhelmed by feelings of loneliness and sadness.

So, I went back and re-read my previous post and was reminded that I alone am responsible for my happiness and that happiness is a choice, not based on a feeling or a certain set of circumstances. And it did the trick. I shook that isht off, turned my phone off, made myself invisible on IM and ignored all but positive emails. I then snuggled up on the couch with my child and two dogs; yes, we were all under the covers together, laughing and generally feeling good about being with each other, watching Madagascar 2: Back to Africa.

I'm still choosing to be happy; sadness and depression is not an option.

So, to any and all who think to bring negative energy into my world today:

I am a Raider and an Adventuress

2009-02-16T10:09:00.002-06:00

Once again, I am goofing off when I should be working. I had an awesome weekend and am having a little trouble redirecting my focus back to work. Or at least, that's the story I'm telling!

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Happy Valentine's Day

2009-02-13T15:17:00.003-06:00

To each of my blogosprere friends, my prayer is that this holiday, you will have the BEST Valentine's Day EVER!

I love you and I thank you for giving me a reason each day to turn on my computer!

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

"Love is very patient, very kind; Love never boils with jealousy; Love is never envious, never boastful, it is not arrogant, is never rude, never selfish, bares no malice; Love is never glad when others go wrong, but joyfully sides with the truth; Love knows no limit to its endurance, always hopeful."

The Runaway - Emma's escape

2009-02-11T15:36:00.002-06:00

Today, I am introducing the final in my series of character studies from my up and coming novel, The Runaway. Allow me to introduce to you, Emma. Now, you may be wondering how she fits in with the other characters you've met so far, given that she lives and functions in 1864, but I'm going to have to ask you to extend to me a little trust. Her story touches and influences the lives of several of the present day characters in very significant ways. You will find out how when the novel is completed.

Story premise:

A young woman is found unconscious and bleeding from a gunshot in an alley. She has no identification and there are no witnesses to her assault. She is taken to the hospital where she eventually regains consciousness but has no memory for her identity.

With the help of a police detective and her neurologist, she works to regain the pieces of her missing life. Over time, memories begin to surface, leading to clues about her identity. The clock is ticking, however, for buried within her locked subconscious are the clues not only to the murder attempt on her life, but the details of an assassination plot on an African American candidate for the presidency of the United States.

Emma’s Escape

Good afternoon. My name is Emma. I am nineteen years old. I am owned by massa Horace and Letitia Kramer-George. We live on the George plantation in Montgomery County, Georgia. My early childhood was good and was fairly comfortable, despite the fact I was a slave. That is, until I reached my fourteenth year. That was about the time that ole massa George took notice of me and began to whisper foul things in my ear. I did not fully understand all of the things he said to me, but I knew enough to know they should not be said to a well-brought up young lady.

As you might have guessed, I was not fully aware that I was a slave before then. My grandmother had earned a certain degree of respect in our community, even amongst the white folk. She was given a house set apart from slave quarters. I never knew my mother; I believe that she may have been sold away to another plantation but no one has ever actually spoken to me about it. My Nana is the only mother I’ve ever known. I was allowed to attend school and learned how to read and write; indeed, I attended lessons right along sides of Ms. Laura. That is, until my ninth year when I was put to work full time in the kitchens. My lessons continued however for several years longer, as Ms Laura would sneak down to the kitchen and teach me things she had learned that day. As I look back now though, I could guess that she did it, not so much for me, but to spite her parents.

As I said, despite my status, I would say that my early childhood was a happy one until my fourteenth year. Massa George continued to look and talk to me in ways that made me extremely uncomfortable. He would ever offer the occasional present, but it remained just that, talk. I did my best to avoid being around him and would always run away if he came upon me suddenly. It was not until much later that I understood that he allowed me to run from him; that at any point, he had the right to demand my complete obedience, as I was nothing more to him than his property. I would dare say that it was his “respect” for my Nana that stayed his hands all those years. I am fairly certain that my age had little to do with it, you see, I was familiar with the rumors about girls as young as twelve having children or being sold away suddenly or under mysterious circumstances.

Things changed, however, in my sixteenth year. I suppose, Massa George figured he had no further need to wait and he took me. That day seemed but as yesterday, so well I remember it. I could look for no protection from my Nana or from anyone else, for that matter. I implored him to reconsider but it was for naught. When I continued to resist, he grabbed me and told me that I belonged to him, I was his property, and therefore subject to his will in all things. I was obliged to do whatever he told me to do, whenever I was told to do it.

That day, I lost more than my physical innocence. That day, I fully understood what it meant to be owned by another person, to be nothing more than a piece of merchandise, to be a slave. To have no say in what happened to my body; to have no one willing or able to intervene on my behalf. That was the day I realized there was no such thing as justice. I figured out that day that Nana and all those other ole slaves had it wrong. That white God they prayed to and cast all their cares upon, cared only for free white folk. The slave had only themselves and that was only a paltry little bit.

I was eventually with child. I had, at least initially, no particular feel about it one way or another. I had become immune to all feeling, dealing as I was with constant debasement and humiliation. The day the mid-wife placed this white, red-faced, screaming babe in my arms, I looked at it and her in confusion. How could this blue eyed-blond child emerge from my loins? The child and I looked at each other for the longest time, both of us appearing to come to terms with the other. He closed his eyes and then rested trustingly in my arms, and it was then I knew that he truly belonged to me.

He brought me back to life, my blue-eyed baby boy. Nothing could touch me, not even the debased and foul acts that the ole massa continued to inflict upon me daily. I endured it all because I knew that in the evenings, my baby boy would fill me with a joy that nothing in this evil world could ever taint.

I should have known that this would not last; that joy and happiness is a luxury not bestowed upon slaves. Children born to slaves are still slaves. I should have realized that. They are trusted to their parents only for safekeeping and liable to be demanded at any point. Ms Lettie got sight of my baby boy one afternoon as she drove past headed into town. She knew immediately how my child came to be. Anyone with eyes to see would know that babe was begat by Massa George, what with the blond hair and bright blues eyes. Those same eyes possessed by every male in the George family clan.

Ms. Lettie devised a plan more evil than anything the old massa had done to that point. The consequences of which will be felt for generations to come.

***********************************************************************

For those of you who have followed this series, thank you so much for you reading and for offering your comments and feedback. They have been very helpful in refining the original idea I had for this novel.

I have completed Act One, which is the first 6 chapters, and I know how it will end, so Act Three is also nearly complete. Act Two will be the most difficult and time intensive, and so, bear with me.

I'll let you know when it's done.

Thanks again!!

Fabulousness

2009-02-08T21:10:00.005-06:00

My FABULOUS blog pal, Sharon, has decreed that my blog is noteworthy in it's fabulousness!! I'm FABULOUS, y'all! I feel so honored. *wipes tear from corner of eye.*

Thank you, Sharon, I do my best! LOL! J/K. I really appreciate you thinking about me.

So, just as I've been tagged, I must now pass this award forward to other fabulous bloggers, which I will do in just a few.

My other assignment is to list 5 Addictions that I have. Hmmm. Ok, here goes:

MY FIVE ADDICTIONS:

1. Movies, movies and more movies. Classics, adverture, thrillers, psychological dramas, comedies, romantic comedies, mysteries. You name it, I watch it. I LOVE MOVIES!

2. Chocolate. Milk chocolate, truffles, Godiva gourmet chocolate, Hershey's kisses, Dove bars and the LOVER, all 5'11" of pure, sweet chocolate!

3. Writing. I have become so consumed with this addiction, that I carry a leather bound journal with me every where I go and it sits on the bedside table when I go to bed. And I do mean, EVERY where. People were looking at me sideways in church this morning when I pulled out my journal and started writing down an idea during the pastor's sermon. Oh well. The Lord knows my heart.

4. Red wine. I won't actually call this an addiction, since by definition, I don't meet the criteria for dependence and withdrawal, but I really, really enjoy a good bottle of red. I wish I could see the white wines in the same way, because, the reds tend to interfere with sleep (tannin) and leave me feeling hung over the next day, but the smoothness of the going down more than makes up for this inconvenience. Well, shoot, maybe this IS an addiction?

5. I'm going to call this last one a guilty pleasure instead of an addiction. Television dramas, in particular, 24, Mad Men, Perry Mason (the original series, not the junk put out in the 80's) and I Love Lucy.

The blogs I would like to tag have already been awarded, so I'll just mention them here:
The True Urban Queen, MsKnowItAll, Sitting on the Big Porch, MsTeeJaye and Mike. I strongly encourage you to stop by and check them all out.

Happy Birthday, Monopoly!

2009-02-06T08:40:00.003-06:00

Monopoly has always been one of my favorite games. It's hard to believe that it was initially created in 1935 and has survived, been revitalized and continues to bring joy to hundreds year after year.

Happy Birthday!

Please sign petition

2009-02-05T15:30:00.000-06:00

Dear MoveOn member,

Last Friday, Sen. Claire McCaskill took to the Senate floor and said what I imagine a lot of us have been thinking about Wall Street lately:

"They don't get it. These people are idiots. You can't use taxpayer money to pay out $18 billion in bonuses...What planet are these people on?"¹

Sen. McCaskill was reacting to the $18.4 billion in bonuses that Wall Street bankers took home in 2008. $18.4 billion going to the people who crippled our economy with their recklessness and greed and then took $700 billion of our money.²

Yesterday, President Obama took an important first step, limiting pay at companies taking bailouts going forward.³ But Congress is considering going even further, applying the limits retroactively and even taking back some of the most extravagant bonuses at firms that took taxpayer money.⁴

A huge public outcry will give them momentum and push them to real action. Can you sign this petition to Congress, urging them to act now to rein in Wall Street greed? Clicking here will add your name:

http://pol.moveon.org/bonus/o.pl?id=15503-12460663-0.DJbrx&t=3

The petition says: "Congress must place enforceable, common-sense limits on salaries at all the banks that have taken taxpayer dollars."

Wall Street's defenders make all kinds of excuses about why the bonuses were justified. They say that bonuses are an accepted part of compensation packages on Wall Street, that those receiving bonuses weren't the ones who lost their firms billions of dollars, and that they need to pay bonuses to retain top talent.⁵

Those arguments are outrageous.

If automatic bonuses are a part of Wall Street culture, that culture has to change—a firm that's still afloat only because of huge taxpayer bailouts shouldn't be paying bonuses. And while tens of thousands of Wall Street employees are losing their jobs, it's hard to believe that those still employed will go looking for new positions because they didn't get a bonus.

Sen. McCaskill showed courage standing up to the status quo. We've got to show the rest of Congress that this is the kind of leadership we need to get us out of this crisis and make the economy work for all Americans. Limiting pay at companies taking bailouts won't fix our financial system—that will take a lot more hard work—but it's an important first step.

Can you tell Congress to rein in Wall Street's excesses now and then pass this petition on to your friends? Clicking here will add your name:

http://pol.moveon.org/bonus/o.pl?id=15503-12460663-0.DJbrx&t=4

Thanks for all you do.

–Daniel, Peter, Justin, Marika and the rest of the team

Sources:

1. "McCaskill Proposes Compensation Cap For Private Companies Getting Federal Dollars," Senate Newsroom, January 30, 2009
http://mccaskill.senate.gov/newsroom/vid_013009.cfm

2. "What Red Ink? Wall St. Paid Fat Bonuses," The New York Times, January 28, 2009
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/29/business/29bonus.html

3. "Obama Outlines Limits on Executive Pay," The Washington Post, February 5, 2009
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=51145&id=15503-12460663-0.DJbrx&t=5

4. "Despite Treasury's New Rule, Senators Aren't Giving Up Their Push to Cap CEO Pay," TPMDC, February 4, 2009
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=51146&id=15503-12460663-0.DJbrx&t=6

5. "'Meet the Press' transcript for Feb. 1, 2009," MSNBC.com, February 1, 2009
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28964188/page/5/

Want to support our work? We're entirely funded by our 5 million members—no corporate contributions, no big checks from CEOs. And our tiny staff ensures that small contributions go a long way. Chip in here.

PAID FOR BY MOVEON.ORG POLITICAL ACTION, http://pol.moveon.org/. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.

A Call for Help

2009-02-04T19:00:00.000-06:00

Dear MoveOn member,

President Obama's economic stimulus plan is in trouble. Conservative talking points are dominating the media's coverage and there's lots of misinformation around. Here are a few things you may not have heard about it:

1) This is a very, very good bill. As The Nation writes, "If enacted, the economic recovery plan will be one of the biggest and boldest pieces of progressive legislation in the past forty years."¹

Here are some facts about what the bill really does:

Creates or saves 3 million to 4 million jobs in the next two years.²

Averts "literally hundreds of thousands of teacher layoffs"—and doubles funding for the Department of Education.³

Creates 500,000 green jobs and doubles our clean energy production.⁴

Immediately helps unemployed folks get affordable health insurance.⁵

Some folks are arguing that it should be bigger, and they're probably right, but this is the best down payment on economic recovery we have seen, and it needs to be passed.

2) The stuff that's being singled out for criticism amounts to a tiny fraction of the bill—like anti-smoking programs that make up less than one-ten-thousandth of the spending.⁶ They would have you believe this is the centerpiece of the bill. It is not. This kind of nit-picking is pure politics.

3) If it doesn't pass, we're in deep trouble. Even John McCain's economic adviser estimates that without the stimulus, unemployment would top 11% by 2010, the highest level since the Great Depression.⁷

We all urgently need to get these facts out before the public. Can you write a letter to the editor of your local paper about how the stimulus will affect real people? Our tool makes writing a letter really easy. Click here to get started:

http://pol.moveon.org/lte?campaign_id=100&id=15490-12460663-pKvbClx&t=3

Last week alone, 100,000 people lost their jobs in this country.⁸ So we need to make sure the Senate takes action quickly. Nearly 200 economists from across the political spectrum wrote to Congress, agreeing:

"We do not have the luxury of a lengthy debate over the best course of action. This legislation may not be enough to solve all the economy's problems, but it is urgently needed and an important step in the right direction."⁹

But with so much rhetoric and demagoguery surrounding the bill, it won't pass unless we can get the real facts out to a wide audience. And letters to the editor by local MoveOn members are one of the best ways to set the record straight.

Our tool makes it super easy. We'll provide you with talking points to use, some tips on writing your letter, and an easy way to send it in to any newspaper in your area.
You can start writing your letter to the editor by clicking here:

http://pol.moveon.org/lte?campaign_id=100&id=15490-12460663-pKvbClx&t=4

Thanks for all you do.

–Noah, Laura, Patrick S., Anna and the rest of the team

Sources

1. "The Right is Winning Today," The Nation, February 3, 2009
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=51138&id=15490-12460663-pKvbClx&t=5

2. "Senate OKs tax break for new-car buyers," Boston Globe, February 4, 2009
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=51139&id=15490-12460663-pKvbClx&t=6

3. "Stimulus Plan Would Provide Flood of Aid to Education," New York Times, January 27, 2009
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/28/education/28educ.html

4. "American Recovery and Reinvestment Act," Speaker Nancy Pelosi, January 28, 2009
http://www.speaker.gov/newsroom/legislation?id=0273

5. "Relief Seen for Jobless and State in Health Care Plan," New York Times, January 27, 2009.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/28/us/28health.html

6. "What GOP Leaders deem wasteful in Senate stimulus bill," CNN, February 3, 2009
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=51140&id=15490-12460663-pKvbClx&t=7

7. "The Economic Impact of the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act," Economy.com, January 21, 2009
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=51141&id=15490-12460663-pKvbClx&t=8

8. "Job cuts exceed 100,000 for the week," CNN, February 2, 2009
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=51142&id=15490-12460663-pKvbClx&t=9

9. "Letter to Congress: Economist Across the Spectrum Endorse Stimulus Package", Center for American Progress Action Fund, January 27, 2009
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=51130&id=15490-12460663-pKvbClx&t=10

PAID FOR BY MOVEON.ORG POLITICAL ACTION, http://pol.moveon.org/. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.

Random thoughts about love and relationships

2009-02-04T08:53:00.007-06:00

That Otis Redding song, When a Man Loves a Woman, is the best and most consistent truisms EVER. Some of y'all need to go back and listen to it over and over again until you get it. Especially women who are pulling after men who "just aren't that into them." If he wants you, he's going to do whatever, and I mean WHATEVER it takes to get you.

I have two male casual friends who are jumping through hoops, turning cartwheels, bending over and pulling their butt cheeks apart over the women they have chosen to give their hearts to. These women can do no wrong. Now for friend A, maybe that's okay, cause, his girl is jumping through hoops too and their love and attachment to each other seems to be mutual. But dang, the boy can't even take a joke about that woman! He was telling some story about her tripping over her feet while they were at the mall and I guess I laughed too hard, cause he got all serious and self-righteous. I wanted to slap him.

Now casual friend B? His woman is taking him through the blues. But he is still smiling and he gives excuses for every episode of woman behaving badly. You can't talk about his woman either. "Y'all just don't understand. She don't mean it. She just had a bad day." Or here's a doozy I got a couple weeks ago, "well, maybe if I had've bought her the dress she wanted, she wouldn't have had to do that."

Okay, and that leads to my second random thought:

The power of the pussy. Or for my female counterparts, the awesome dick experience.

I tell ya, and unfortunately I have to include myself in this number, we can lose our everlasting mind when we find someone who can consistently hit our G-spot, can't we? I mean, what is UP with that? I really wish I understood how ONE person could accomplish what a dozen couldn't?

And now let's add a little guilt into the equation. Let's say, one of the partners cheat. But they decide to work through it and remain in the relationship. I'm thinking of another couple I know. They've been married, however long, but 5 or 6 years ago, he had an affair that produced a baby. Mind you, they got together because he was cheating WITH HER while he was involved with someone else, so I really don't understand why she's acting so surprised. Hell, that's who he is; that's what he does!!

Anyway, they opted to stay together. But that woman has worked this situation to DEATH! She has him hopping through hoops, she witholds sex, she ignores him, but gets pissy if he is out of pocket for longer than she thinks necessary. FOR FIVE YEARS! She has even made contact with HER ex-husband, the abuser, trying to seduce him into an affair and the only reason it didn't happen, was because he kept standing her up. Then ole girl goes back and confesses all to her husband. And he forgives her all. Because of his own guilt. The self-flagellation is getting on my nerves though. He keeps asking my opinion and if he keeps it up, I'm going to give it to him.

Oh, and can we talk about how people tend to take their partners for granted after awhile. You know, treat them like an old shoe; put it on when you need comfort but otherwise, just toss it into the back of the closet?

I know yet another couple, whose husband plays in a band, that is, when his wife can push him out of the house to actually work. He's really too pretty to work. Anyway, he tells her a month ago that he has been hired for a gig that will take him out of state and away for the entire month of February. She gets a call from him late one morning in which he tells her he is halfway to his destination. WHAT? Why didn't you tell me, she asks. Oh, he responds, I thought I did. Hmmm.

One of the reasons my ex is an ex is his belief that I fell at the bottom of his love food chain. He took a week long cruise with his family, which is not the part that annoys me. The day he was scheduled to return, my son and I had been eagerly anticipating him all day. We had prepared dinner, all of his favorites, my child had dusted off his cards and game board, we were ready to welcome our king back home. He called when the ship landed in Miami, "Can't wait to see you, baby." He called when the plane landed in our town, "Can't wait to see you baby, missed you terribly. How's my boy?" The airport is 20 minutes from my house. An hour and a half later (??!!), mind you, I had been calling and texting without a response from him, he calls and said that his sister wanted him to do something for her. And then another brother, who did not take the cruise, wanted him to stop by for a drink. And when he called, he was on his way over to his boy's house to tell him all about the trip. Anyway, my child and I did not actually SEE our king for two days; he had more important people placing demands on his time, you see. Our king was dethroned within the week. It's bad enough to disappoint me, but to disappoint my kid? Nah.

I love being in relationships, but I am also perfectly content when it's just me. My tolerance for the BS I just mentioned above is at a minimum, so if that is the price I would have to pay in order to be in a relationship, I'd rather be by myself.

I have two very good examples of the kind of love and commitment that I am looking for. And so, because I know it CAN happen, I can wait. My friends, some of the ones I've mentioned above, tell me that I am too hard on people, too demanding. I tell them that I have their examples, as well as some piss poor decision making in my own past, to know exactly what I DON'T want to deal with.

And then later, one or more my friends who are in stable, healthy relationships tell me,

"Sis, don't settle."

Sounds like advice I can live with.

Happiness is a choice

2009-02-03T09:41:00.005-06:00

I think I have already expressed my intense satisfaction to have 2008 well behind me. 2009 is already promising to be much better and we are just barely into the second month.

I've been reflecting lately, trying to understand exactly WHAT is different. After all, I know that turning a page on a calendar has no real significant power and so there must be something else about this time in my life that is making the difference.

Peace reigns again in our house; my child is at a very peaceful place. In fact, things have been going so well, that we've just had our final therapy session. I think that we have both benefited and learned enough that we are now able to move ahead on our own.

My love life is still progressing s - l - o - w- l - y. But it is progressing! LOL! I figure that I'm not feeling the lack because of an abundance of love and attention given to me by my closest friends and family; I can only hope they feel the same about me. I don't know, that involvement and closeness that tends to develop around the holidays has continued even though we've all returned to our regular lives.

I feel really, really good now. I'm happy. And as I type this, I'm reminded that this time of the year is usually where I find myself at my lowest. I believe I have a form of seasonal affective disorder. As soon as daylight saving time begins and until it ends in the spring, I am typically sad, my outlook is gloomy, I feel like I have no purpose, I lack motivation and want to sleep ALL THE TIME. I think something about the extended daylight that we get during the spring and summer months energizes me in some way.

I can honestly say that I'm not THERE this year. Yaaayyy. I'm not at my maximum energy; like I said, I think the SAD thing is real for me, but I am still active, I have a purpose, I look forward to each day, and I'm not getting enough sleep because I'm trying to fit too much stuff into a single day. It's a nice change.

So, what's different?

I've got several interesting challenges at work. I am working on my novel which inspires me daily. My child's smile and his pride in being able to give me nothing but positive behavior reports, excites me and motivates me.

I'm working out again and daily looking for opportunities to be physically active. I am getting out in the evenings, when I can, surrounding myself with adults and for a few minutes, letting myself be a grown up again, not my child's mother, not my employer's employee, not my parent's daughter. It's fun.

I am consciously removing myself from negative people. They work like a virus spreading through your body. I can't let these folk in my space right now. If your mission is to do anything but love and support me, I'm looking at you through a window darkly.

Some of y'all know this gospel song, "This joy that I have, the world didn't give it and the world can't take it away." It's holding special meaning for me now; you can't let life happen to you. You have to take the reigns, and you decide how you're going to walk through this life journey. It's YOUR choice. You want happiness, you want joy? Do what you need to get it and keep it.

Examine the relationships around you. How do you feel when you see that certain person(s) or see their number on the caller ID? Are you dreading it or try to avoid it/them? Let them go. If there are activities that you've been doing that no longer fulfill you; cut them out.

Happiness, indeed, joy, is a choice.

You decide. I have.

The Runaway - David's Drama

2009-02-02T14:21:00.003-06:00

Today, I am introducing Dr. David Cole, the fourth in a series of character studies from my up and coming novel, The Runaway.

Story premise:

A young woman is found unconscious and bleeding from a gunshot in an alley. She has no identification and there are no witnesses to her assault. She is taken to the hospital where she eventually regains consciousness but has no memory for her identity.

With the help of a police detective and her neurologist, she works to regain the pieces of her missing life. Over time, memories begin to surface, leading to clues about her identity. The clock is ticking, however, for buried within her locked subconscious are the clues not only to the murder attempt on her life, but the details of an assassination plot on an African American candidate for the presidency of the United States.

Dr. David Cole

I really don’t have a lot of time, so let’s just get to it. My job takes up all the time I want to spend on people. I’ve got way more important things to do than sit around answering a bunch of asinine questions about myself. In fact, I’ve just been assigned a new one; it’s a Jane Doe who came in through the emergency room. She has a gunshot wound to the shoulder and mild force trauma to her head. For some reason, though, she has not yet regained consciousness and it’s been nearly 48 hours now.

O-kaaaayyy. She’s insisting that I talk to you. Well, all right then. And just to let you know, I’m not going to make this pretty. You will soon come to learn that I am physically incapable of being polite! I’m going to send it straight up, without lubricant, because, that’s how I deliver it.

And you love it.

Okay, I’m going to take this seriously.

So, I’m a 45 year old neurologic surgeon. I like saying that. Okay, for you laymen types, basically, what that means is that I’m a neurologist. I provide a wide range of patient services ranging from diagnosing an illness to the management of chronic neurological disorders. I am also actively engaged in clinical and basic science research.

I’m divorced, Columbia and John Hopkins educated, and currently, I live alone. I used to be married. In fact, my wife, that is, my ex-wife, is one of the reasons I’m here in Memphis. She felt like she needed to come back here to take care of her mother; we were living in Boston at the time. Anyway, her mother was dying of cancer and she wanted to be here for her. I never did understand that. Muriel was going to be just as dead whether we were here or in Boston, so why did we have to up-end our lives?

Well, to make a short story shorter, we moved here, I started working for Methodist Hospital Systems. My ex started complaining that she couldn’t get my attention and that I left her alone too much; I worked harder. The next thing I knew, she was humping my best friend, the lawyer.

. . . they did leave me the gold fish.

I feel like I got the better part of that deal.

There’s a funny story about the divorce settlement. My wife, eh-hem, my ex-wife and her new boyfriend, were a little surprised to learn that my net worth fell a little short of what our lavish lifestyle would suggest. See, my family wealth has survived for generations due in large part to the machinigans of my robber baron great-great grandfather. The Cole family money is held in trust; while it may be administered by the first born son or surviving eldest male, the money belongs to the trust, heh-heh, untouchable in a divorce settlement. For some reason, they were both a little disappointed to find my personal net worth was just over $300,000. I guess I could’ve mentioned that during the pre-nup, huh?

When I get a quiet moment, I still crack up over that one!

Anyway, at that point, there didn’t seem much point in up-rooting myself again. Besides, I was in the middle of some really interesting and challenging cases, and moving would’ve taken time away from my work.

I do have some interests outside of work. I am a history buff and the informal historian of our family. Over time, I’ve been able to collect documents and records spanning nearly two hundred years including birth certificates, marriage licenses and journals, among other things.

My favorite time in our family history is the Civil War; I enjoy the different accounts of events of the various men and women who were eyewitnesses to historic events.

I have one ancestor, Mrs. Leticia Kramer George, or “Ms Lettie” for short. Her journals started when she was twelve years old and she meticulously maintained a journal each year until her death, at age 40. Up til about age 19, following her marriage to Herman George, her entries were mindless pre-teen and teenaged drivel. But she seemed to really get her panties in a wad over one of the slave women.

Apparently, Mr. George was spending a bit more time in the slave quarters than what was warranted and Ms. Lettie took exception to that. Her anger and bitterness is even now dripping off the pages when she discovered that the slave, Emma, became pregnant and bore Mr. George a son. As soon as the child was weaned, though, Ms. Lettie arranged to have it sold to another plantation.

The thing that really gets me about this story is that the slave Emma eventually runs away from the plantation and was never heard of again. But before she left, she apparently took Ms. Lettie’s necklace that had been given to her by Mr. George. I figure he was trying to make up for that baby thing.

According to Ms. Lettie’s journal, this necklace was very special and unique. Not only did it carry an inscription of her husband’s undying love, but Ms. Lettie believed that it held special powers.

Man, you can’t make this kinda stuff up. This is better than anything you see on tv these days! LOL!!

Ok, can I go back to work now?

Love is in the Air

2009-01-29T08:55:00.006-06:00

My best friend Chez got married yesterday!! We were kinda hoping that they would wait until we were together in March, but extenuating circumstances made January 28th the day! Yoo-hoo!

My bestest, ace, "I got yo back so neither of us die" friend, Vernon, is in the middle of his third honeymoon! They've been married three years, but she just safely returned from a 6 month deployment, hence the 3rd one. I think number two took place following HIS deployment.

To my guys, I love you both and I rejoice with you at this time. And to my new sisters? I pray for a long and lasting love. You both chose well.

Ah, l'amore, l'amore!!

The Runaway - Jake's Dilemma

2009-01-25T22:47:00.006-06:00

This is the third of my character studies for my new novel, The Runaway. I would like to introduce John Henry "Jake" Phillips. For those of you who've been following this series, I need to make a correction. Jake was formerly called Tyler in Ima's Musings. That name just wouldn't settle with me and when I started telling his story, Jake seemed a much better fit.

Story premise:

A young woman is found unconscious and bleeding from a gunshot in an alley. She has no identification and there are no witnesses to her assault. She is taken to the hospital where she eventually regains consciousness but has no memory for her identity.

With the help of a police detective and her neurologist, she works to regain the pieces of her missing life. Over time, memories begin to surface, leading to clues about her identity. The clock is ticking, however, for buried within her locked subconscious are the clues not only to the murder attempt on her life, but the details of an assassination plot on an African American candidate for the presidency of the United States.

Jake's Dilemma

My life is quickly spiraling out of control and I have no idea how to stop it. Life seemed so much easier three years ago; my purpose was clear and I knew exactly where I was heading. I fear that whatever, or whichever way I go from here, I am traveling down the road to destruction.

I’m 30 years old now. I ain’t had the best life. I was raised by a drunken and abusive father along with my brother Kyle, who was four years older than me. My ma skedaddled right around the time I was 6. I figure she’d had enough of pa’s mean and ornery ways. I mean, I can still hear her screaming and hollering in my dreams. Sometimes, I wish she’d’ve took us with her, wherever she went. Maybe things wouldn’t be so crazy right now.

Pa weren’t much of a parent to either of us boys; without ma around to beat on, he looked around and I guess decided that I’d do as well as any. Kyle was more of a father to me than Pa ever was, and he tried to protect me best he could, but he weren’t more’n a kid hisself, so sometimes, I got it pretty bad. I learnt pretty quick though, how to stay outta pa’s way, ‘specially when he been drinkin’.

Things changed when I was ‘bout 14 and Kyle was 18. I weren’t fast enough when pa came lookin’ for me and he laid into me real good. I actually thought this was the day he was finally gonna kill me, ‘cept that Kyle came in and stabbed him dead. We knew for sure that we was going to jail, but Kyle came up with an idea for us to just leave. We were living out in the country in Mena, Arkansas and sometimes it could be months afore someone came out to the farm to pay a visit.

So, we packed our stuff and just left; leaving pa on the kitchen floor where he fell. It was a few weeks later that we saw a newspaper story about his death. I honestly can’t say that either of us was sad that he was gone. We sorta drifted from place to place for awhile; Kyle would do odd jobs to make some money and we usually only stayed long enough to get enough money to keep moving. Eventually, we found somebody to give us some new ID, and then we found ourselves right at the junction of I-20 and Highway 59 and in the city of Marshall, Texas, just south of Dallas.

I enrolled back in school and Kyle found a full time job at one of the oil rigs outside of town. For the first time in our lives, we had found peace and stability. We’d been living in Marshall ‘bout 4 years, yeah, I remember cause, it was just before my graduation from high school. Kyle had started spending more and more time away from the house. I’d been teasing him about finding a girl, but he angrily denied it and refused to tell me about where he’d been. He was increasingly absent in the following months, more touchy than usual, barking at just about anything I said to him. He was also leaving the house for longer periods of time. It started to remind me of living with our pa and I worried that maybe he was drinkin’ or doin’ drugs.

I wish it had been that simple. Turns out he had been recruited by this group calling themselves White Nationalists. They were wreaking havoc on the blacks and Mexicans in town, robbin’ businesses and raping their women, threatening folk who tried to vote certain ways. They believed they was doing a public service and was trying to halt the demise of the white man.

I told him I thought he was stupid and for the first time in our life, he beat the tar out of me. He continued what were now, his weekly excursions into the night, but I could look at him and knew that something was terribly wrong.

The Sheriff came by the house and told me that my brother was dead.

He said Kyle’d been found on the other side of town, beaten to death. He was also castrated and had his penis forced down his throat. Talk around town was that the Carter boys did it. They were a group of colored boys, who weren’t blood kin but hung together and called themselves a family. Supposedly, Kyle and some of them ‘nationalists, raped a couple of their girls and they, the Carters that is, killed him for it.

I knew what Kyle ‘nem was doing was wrong, but he didn’t deserve that! I didn’t deserve to have the only kin available to me snatched away like that. It didn’t help that no one was arrested for his death, even though the whole community knew who did it.

I was a bomb waiting to explode when those same nationalists showed up at the house. They brought food and comfort and embraced me as a brother. They started talking to me about how the coloreds had killed Kyle and started talking about all the other injustices that were laid on the white man because of those coloreds. They gave me a focus for my grief and a target for my rage . . . and we planned.

I eventually moved away from Marshall. I was accepted into Texas A&M and then was offered a job in Chicago. I took it, eager to put the crimes of my past behind me. I’m 30 years old now, almost 31 and I work in marketing and am relatively happy with my current circumstance. I have tried severing ties with my associates in Texas, but unfortunately, that’s been easier to say than do. I hadn’t heard from anyone is nearly 10 years and had just started to breathe again. However, about 2 years ago, I was contacted again, and was told that my services may be required again. Of course, I immediately refused. My life was threatened, the lives of my friends were threatened and exposure of my past misdeeds, including my old identity and the death of my pa, were threatened to be made public. They had pictures of everything and everyone, so that told me they had been watching and monitoring me. It seemed easier to play along than to overtly defy them.

You see, I’ve been dating this woman, a black woman, of all people. The irony of my past hits me every time she smiles at me. She is the reason for my happiness and my reason for living. In a way that she will never understand, she has redeemed me.

She is my twin soul. We both come from pretty fucked up childhoods, and, like me, she’s a survivor. Her name is Ima.

‘Course, she don’t know nothing about my past and now I must make certain that she remains in ignorance. Because, if I fail to do what I’ve been tasked to do, she will be the first to die.

The Obama Chia Pet

2009-01-23T11:09:00.007-06:00

Our president has only been in office for three days, and it has already started.

I got a weird feeling in the base of my spine following the election, when Obama coins and commemorative plates were being marketed on QVC and such sites. Then again, when on every corner in my town, especially in the predominantly black neighborhoods, there was some entrepreneur hawking t-shirts and hats.

I'm all about entrepreneurship but I think there should be a limit on certain things.

This morning for example, I turned on the morning news and right there, in the middle of scarfing down my morning Cheerios, was the business reporter for CBS announcing the creation of:

The Obama Chia Pet, featuring his green afro. You can be the first on your block to own one for just $19.99! You can read more about it here , here and here.

I am offended!!

Where is the dignity that is his right, not just as a human being, but as the newly designated leader of the free world? Where was the Bush pet? And don't get me started talking about making our president into a "pet".

So, mid-rant this morning, someone rightfully pointed out that this is not completely about subtle racism, as was my take on it, but more about rampant commercialism. None of this stuff would be accessible if some yahoo wasn't buying it. Supply and demand baby.

I know that many of us are trying to collect souvenirs for this very historic occasion. I admit that I too want to be able to tell my grandchildren about my first hand account of these events and I have made efforts to make this time memorable for my 7 year old. That said, it would make sense to have something tangible to pass along.

But come on, people, a CHIA PET??!! Do we really want to remember our first African American president as some type of cartoon or buffoon?

If we really want to have a commemorative, why don't we find something that is more suited to the dignity of his office. I suggest that we start campaigning now to get his face designated on some of our currency. I think it would be fitting to replace Lincoln's image with President Obama's on the $5 bill. Now THAT would be a legacy.

A New Beginning

2009-01-21T13:12:00.003-06:00

I don't know bout y'all, but the sun seems to be shining just a little brighter for me today, the air is a bit more crisp and there is a spring in my step and optimism in my heart that I have not felt in the past 8 years!!

I'm so excited about these next few months.

January 20, 2009

2009-01-20T13:34:00.001-06:00

The Runaway -Micah's Tale

2009-01-20T10:45:00.001-06:00

I am presenting the second in a series of character studies for my up and coming novel, The Runaway.

These studies are a way for me to get to know the characters that are yammering away in my head. They have been very helpful both in terms of the story line and plot development.

This week, I am introducing Sgt Micah Langston Hughes. I have yet to meet the man who could provide an adequate response when asked to describe themselves. Sorry for the generalization, fellas, but in this area, y'all tend to just speak the facts. Women, we like some additional color, so, I've allowed Keisha to tell part of his story. At this point, Keisha is not written into "The Runaway" storyline (but she's kinda growing on me); I've just allowed her to help you understand Micah a little better.

So, to refresh your memory, here's the premise of the novel:

A young woman is found unconscious and bleeding from a gunshot in an alley. She has no identification and there are no witnesses to her assault. She is taken to the hospital where she eventually regains consciousness but has no memory for her identity.

With the help of a police detective and her neurologist, she works to regain the pieces of her missing life. Over time, memories begin to surface, leading to clues about her identity. The clock is ticking, however, for buried within her locked subconscious are the clues not only to the murder attempt on her life, but the details of an assassination plot on an African American candidate for the presidency of the United States.

Sgt. Micah Langston Hughes

I’m Sgt Micah Langston Hughes with the Memphis Police Department. I’m 38 years old and am a 10 year veteran of the police department. I’m currently assigned to the Missing Person’s Bureau, but I’ve also worked Homicide and Burglary. I’ve recently completed a temporary assignment in homicide, helping with the apprehension of a serial killer who had been active in the mid-south for nearly 5 years.

I’m a dedicated member of law enforcement, but I haven’t always been a cop.

My parents raised me in a secure loving and nurturing environment. Despite this, I can remember from a very early age having problems controlling my anger and rebelling against authority. When I reached puberty, unfortunately, I went the way of many African American young men, and started acting in ways against the teachings and inclinations of my family. I got caught up and then just caught right before my 17^th birthday. At that point, I was completely out of control at home and in the community; my parents were at their wits end on how to help me.

I drifted towards some very bad people in high school. And as is typical of me even today, I threw myself into that lifestyle wholeheartedly. One by one, I rejected each of the values and standards that had been instilled in me from birth and fully adopted the values of the street. I did my best to minimize all evidence of my privileged upbringing; not one of my new “friends” knew anything about my parent’s home in Central Gardens or my mother’s administrative position in the city school district or even my father’s corporate position in one of the largest transportation industries in the country.

I stood before a judge, a stern faced, no-nonsense man. I was the epitome of the angry black man, staring at him in defiance and disdain, almost daring him to try and stop me from doing whatever the hell I wanted to do. It’s ironic, it would be years later when Judge Thompson reached out to me again and became pivotal in guiding me not only professional but personally.

So, at my court hearing that day, knowing that most of my associates had either gotten suspended sentences or had received two or three month confinements, I was pretty arrogant about the outcome and more than willing to take the brief vacation to come, knowing full well I’d be back on the block as soon as I was released.

What I hadn’t counted on was the longstanding friendship between Judge Thompson and my father. That stern, old man looked me dead in my eye and spoke softly and yet clearly, as I stood before him, “you’re one we’re not losing.”

And in a louder voice announced my confinement of 11 months and 29 days, with no possibility of early release.

The first couple weeks of my confinement at the Criminal Justice Center, I was a little pissed. No, I was a LOT pissed. I fought anything and anybody who moved. I think I literally lost my mind for awhile. I refused all visitations from my parents and other family; you no doubt have guessed that I suddenly had an absence of friends. But, one of the traits I have inherited directly from my mother is her stubbornness, and despite my refusal to see her, that woman persisted in her weekly visits to me.

Ok, so as not to belabor this point, because this really is not one of the high points of my life, but yes, I experienced the clichéd jail house conversion. Fortunately for me, it stuck.

The day I walked out of jail, my father picked me up and drove me straight to the Army recruiting office and I enlisted. Ironically, my aptitude tests scores suggested that I was best suited for a career with the Military Police. Go figure.

Anyway, so this was the beginning of my career in law enforcement. I excelled during my 4 years in the Army. I believe that the structure and discipline helped to bring me back to myself and get comfortable with the man I was destined to become.

During my enlistment, I earned a Bachelors Degree in Criminal Justice. I quit active duty and joined the reserves after being accepted and enrolling into law school. I realize after that first year, however, that I was better suited to the apprehend and capture side of the legal system and so, I dropped out and joined the Memphis Police Academy.

Ok, now, that’s enough of that. Tell them the real story.

Hmmm. What are you doing here Keisha?

I knew you weren’t going to tell them about the real you.

Keisha!

That’s fine. I’ll do it. Hey everybody! **waves enthusiastically**. My name is Keisha Martin and I just turned 18 years old. I just started my first year at the University of Memphis and I’ve got the big, bad Sgt Hughes to thank for it.

Micah shakes his head and leaves the room.

Okay, let me tell y’all the real story about this 6’2”, caramel complected, broad shouldered, hunk of fineness. Ladies, he’s got dimples deep enough to swim in. I mean, he’s all old and stuff, but trust me, for an old man, he still got it going on.

For real though, I met Sgt Hughes the first time when I was 15 years old. My mother had put me out to work when I was 12. I approached him for a ‘date’, not knowing he was a cop. Anyway, he busted me but good. However, at the court hearing, he stood up for me before the judge and told me he would take responsibility for me from that point forward, and would keep me out of trouble.

Well, I figured that just meant that he had figured out how to get a teenaged hooker on standby, so I kept doing the do, y’know?

But he was serious. He kept showing up on the street where I was, really cutting in on my business. Mama started to get mad cuz I wasn’t bring it in like I used to. I don’t know what he said to her or nothing, but after awhile, she just left me alone. I figure he must’ve started paying her.

He made sure I went to school everyday. That part wasn’t so hard, though of course, I wasn’t gonna tell him that. It turns out I was all right in school and I started making really good grades. He made sure I got involved in school social activities and clubs.

He came by the ‘partment one night unexpectedly and tole me to get dressed and to come with him. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I had always known that he wasn’t doing all this nice stuff for me for nothing! So, I assumed that he figured it was time that I paid up.

He stopped the car at a club, got out and invited me to follow. He took me to a side room where I could see the stage and told me to stay there since technically, I wasn’t s’pose to be there since I was all under age and stuff.

After awhile, the band got up to play and to my surprise, there was Sgt Hughes, front and center, seated at the piano! They played mostly that ol’ fogey jazz stuff, but, just between me and you, it was the most beautiful music I had ever heard.

I never would have expected someone as hard as Sgt Hughes could do something like that. For the next hour, I was transported to a place I had never been before. Afterwards, he explained that he wanted me to start taking music lessons and told me to pick an instrument because the club owner’s wife, who walked over to us as we were speaking, had agreed to teach me.

Sgt Hughes has been my life saver, although he really doesn’t like to hear me say that. I didn’t know it at the time, but my life ended the day my mother put me out on the streets. He saw something in me, still don’t know what that is, that made him take a chance on me. And look at how things turned out!

He has not once put his hands on me or said or done anything inappropriate. Most of the time, he treats me like an irritating little sister, but he quickly adopts a parental attitude when he thinks I’m stepping out of line. Mama died last year of an overdose; he took care of everything. His mama, Mz. Hughes, just moved me in with no question and life has just proceeded.

I love him; he’s the father I never had or knew. I want him happy, but I don’t think he is.

Did I mention that for an old dude, he was pretty fine? Well, women be pulling at him left and right. And don’t get me wrong, he ain’t turning all of them down; he’s a man, after all.

But, me and Mz Hughes was talking, and we agree that he always keep women at a distance; they can only get so close to him. We just ain’t sure why? None of them know about his music or his piano, or even about me. He just tells most folk that his parents adopted me or something like that. And, well, ok, I’ll guess I can tell you, also very few people know that he’s also a published author; he writes poetry, y’all, can you believe that? He keeps that side of him real private and heavily guarded. And talk or discussions about commitment or getting more in-ti-mate, typically signals the beginning of the end of that relationship.

So we, me and Mz Hughes, that is, have decided that we’re gonna find him a wife.

King Holiday

2009-01-19T10:18:00.002-06:00

This day has an even more significant meaning for me this year, in light of tomorrow's inauguration. I feel so blessed to be alive at this day and time.

I remember when this video was initially produced and the years and years that had been gone into making Dr. King's birthday into a national holiday. This truly was a time of celebration.

Enjoy!

Restricted

2009-01-17T09:27:00.003-06:00

Good Lawd, y'all!! I'm sorry, I really thought I was keeping this clean. I'll do better, I promise!!

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating

Apparently, I wrote the word sex (x6), hell (x2), and rape (x1).

My bad!

Thanks, Mike!

Haters by Maya Angelou

2009-01-16T11:07:00.002-06:00

Haters/ By Maya Angelou

A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends all their time trying to make you look small so they can look tall.

They are very negative people to say the least. Nothing is ever good enough!

When you make your mark, you will always attract some haters...

That's why you have to be careful with whom you share your
blessings and your dreams, because some folk can't handle seeing
you blessed...

It's dangerous to be like somebody else... If God wanted you to be
like somebody else, He would have given you what He gave them! Right?

You never know what people have gone through to get what they
have...

The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they
don't know my story...

If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, you
can rest assured that the water bill is higher there too!

We've all got some haters among us!

Some people envy you because you can:
a) Have a relationship with God
b) Light up a room when you walk in
c) Start your own business
d) Tell a man/woman to hit the curb
(if he/she isn't about the right thing)
e) Raise your children without both parents being
in the home

Haters can't stand to see you happy.
Haters will never want to see you succeed.
Most of our haters are people who are supposed to be
on our side.

How do you handle your undercover haters?
You can handle these haters by:

1. Knowing who you are & who your true friends are
*(VERY IMPORTANT!!)

2. Having a purpose to your life: Purpose does not
mean having a job. You can have a job and still be
unfulfilled.

A purpose is having a clear sense of what God has called you to be.
Your purpose is not defined by what others think about you.

3. By remembering what you have is by divine
prerogative and not human manipulation.

Fulfill your dreams! You only have one life to live...when its your
time to leave this earth, you want to be able to say, 'I've lived my
life and fulfilled my dreams, Now I'm ready to go HOME!

When God gives you favor, you can tell your haters, 'Don't look at
me...Look at who is in charge of me...'

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man
should have to seek Him first to find her.'

Maya Angelou

What would Jack do?

2009-01-15T13:31:00.003-06:00

This season of 24 is shaping up to be as exciting as the first 4 and possibly season 5. Season 6 sucked royally and never should've been produced, but that's just my opinion.

So, if you're looking, you know where to find me Monday nights at 8 pm.

Lost Hope

2009-01-14T17:42:00.005-06:00

I have a friend who is struggling now. It makes me sad that I can't help her. I've tried but she views my help as unnecessary. She has built up a delusional system that a man she has known since high school is destined to become her husband. I don't use the word 'delusional' lightly. She has organized her entire life, LIFE on this belief. She has created a story, not based on reality, that she once miscarried a child with him and each time she has sex (unprotected), she takes a pregnancy test, under the misguided belief that this may keep him with her. Mind you, they are both in their early 30's now, he has been married not once, not twice, but three times since then; dealing with my friend in between and at times, during some of these marriages. He has had children by these and other women.

She says that a "prophet" foretold that God was gonna do a work in him and that if she just hung in there, he would be the man God has called him to be and eventually her husband. She has banked her entire life on the fulfillment of this prophecy.

Now, while I had my doubts, I'm not one to try and contain God or try to second guess what HE can or cannot do; so, I've been over here with the popcorn, eagerly anticipating this miracle. Until recently.

Ole' boy recently talked my friend back into bed, built up her hopes and yes, rejected her. AGAIN! For some dumb ass reason, one of her family members decided to confront ole' boy on the job. It got ugly, as you can imagine (she was totally out of line anyway, so I guess she deserved to have her feelings hurt). But here's the deal breaker for me:

I'm told, so I can't say I heard this for myself, but I'm told that ole boy said, "You see the way she crying over there? I got women all over the world crying for me, just like that. She's nothing."

Cold.

Was this the final straw that would enable my friend lay aside her hopes and dreams for this man? Nope. But you can see the beginnings of the cynic emerging. Her spirit reflects the beginning signs of lost hope, and it's a sad sight to see because this woman has a beautiful spirit; hopeful, outgoing, idealistic. It's going to be a shame to see that fade away over someone who is so far beneath her.

What I'm even more fearful of is the possibility of her lost hope and faith in God. I once told her that I did not believe that God intends for us to live in pain and fear; that perhaps, she is putting more weight than she should into the words of man, and ignoring the signs God has provided for her to indicate that she should move on. She didn't speak to me for a month. I figured then that this would be a lesson she would have to take on her own.

My heart is heavy for her and I am praying that she looks for and receives God's comfort and guidance. I pray that she does not allow an individual to distract her from hers and God's true purpose. And I am prayerful that if she finds her way to this post that she sees the love behind it's creation.

Ann Coulter. What an idiot!

2009-01-13T08:16:00.001-06:00

"Single mothers are bad for children."

"If you are a victim of a crime, thank a single mother."

"It is very selfish for a single mother to have a child without a father."

"I think it's not ok that biracial people identify with their black parents," she cites Barack Obama and Halle Berry as examples. I'm so not sure what her point was to this nonsense.

As I said, what an idiot!!

The Runaway - Ima's Musings

2009-01-12T10:27:00.002-06:00

Some of you know that I am working on my first novel; it is genre fiction, a mystery/thriller. One of the ways I am preparing this story is to develop character studies for each of the main characters. For the next several weeks, I will introduce you to the people talking and yammering inside my head. I welcome any thoughts you have as you meet each person.

Here's the premise of the novel:

A young woman is found unconscious and bleeding from a gunshot in an alley. She has no identification and there are no witnesses to her assault. She is taken to the hospital where she eventually regains consciousness but has no memory for her identity.

With the help of a police detective and her neurologist, she works to regain the pieces of her missing life. Over time, memories begin to surface, leading to clues about her identity. The clock is ticking, however, for buried within her locked subconscious are the clues not only to the murder attempt on her life, but the details of an assassination plot on an African American candidate for the presidency of the United States.

Ima’s Musings

Hi, I’m Ima DeCostas. I am 35 years old, single, with no kids and I live and work around Chicago. I’m a lawyer by training, but for the past 5 years, I have worked as a political consultant for various federal, state and local campaigns. I’ve been working for the Obamas for the past two years.

Don’t be impressed. This job is a lot of work. Barack and Michelle are dedicated workaholics. They work hard and expect nothing less of the people around them. I don’t think I even know what a 10 hour work day looks like anymore.

I’m not complaining. I love my job, I love my career.

It’s the rest of my life that sucks.

I was raised, if you can call it that, by my mother; I don’t even know who my father is; mom refuses to talk about him or my creation. She remained bitter about him though throughout my childhood. She let a lot of her anger towards him spill over to me. She says I’m his spitting image.

Well, let’s see. I’m a mocha chocolate sista, about 5’9”, it’s not your business how much I weigh, but I usually wear a size 12, if any of you feel the need to go shopping. I stopped chemically processing my hair years ago. While working, I tame my afro hair into either a low pony or a high afro puff. But, during my time? All restraints are off and the ‘fro is free to ‘do what it do, baby.’ LOL.

I work in politics, so you know my wardrobe is made up of lots of greys, blacks, and creams. But at work, I prefer bold jewel tones; purple is my color of choice to reflect my internal royal badness!

I sometimes find myself walking down the streets looking at tall dark skin older men and wondering if THIS is the one, my father. All chances of getting my mother to open up are pretty much lost now. I’ve just put her in an assisted living facility due to early Alzeimer’s. Half the time, she doesn’t even recognize me as her daughter; although truth to be told, this is kinda the way it’s always been. My father’s abandonment broke something in her that she was never able to fix.

Ok, I know that I said my life sucked outside of work. Well, that’s not the complete truth. There are parts of it that are more than satisfying.

I like sex.

No, scratch that. I love sex. I want to do it all the time, in all the ways humanly possible. The problem I’m having is trying to figure out how to have lots of sex all the time, without having a man around. I know that sounds weird but I don’t really know what to do with a man once the orgasm has passed.

See, I love sex and, as tends to happen when you do something you love doing and do it often enough, you become pretty good at it. So, I don’t suffer for a lack of partners. I’m good at sex, I’m terrible at relationships.

I used to think how nice it would be if I were attracted to women. I figured I might have a better chance at finding companionship and compatibility. I was even looking at women on the street or at work trying to drum up some semblance of attraction that I feel when I look at men.

While attending an art gallery opening once, a woman approached me and complemented me on my outfit and then engaged me in conversation. It took me a minute but I finally figured out that she was hitting on me. I was a little taken off guard by the long extended eye contact and light touches on my hand and arms. She was gorgeous; a small woman with an oval face and smooth porcelain skin. Her eyes took over her entire face and put one in the mind of a precocious child. However, all resemblances to a child ended once your eyes travelled along the contours of her well rounded body.

She invited me out for a drink as we were leaving the gallery. Let’s see, I think her name was Noemi. At that point, I was curious enough to wonder where this could go. We walked a couple blocks from the gallery to an upscale bar/restaurant that catered to the nouveaux riche crowd. While at the bar, she flirted with me, complimented and admired me. Once I relaxed I actually experienced a sexual charge when she ‘accidently’ brushed the back of her hand across my breast.

At one point, I got up to excuse myself to go to the bathroom and she offered to accompany me. On the surface, this suggestion was no different that countless other times when I’ve had been out with female acquaintances; women go to public bathrooms in pack. I don’t know why, but we just do. So, on the surface, there was nothing significant about her offer. But I knew, from the way her look caressed me and the way her mouth communicated the pleasures of the universe, that this encounter was likely to be a little different from the others.

Once inside, she did not give me any opportunity to retreat or to think. She locked the door behind us, turned and pulled me into an embrace. Her lips were soft and full and increasingly insistent, demanding a response from me. Her hands hungrily tugged my hair, pulling me closer and closer to her. She rose up on her toes to ground her pelvis in to mine.

I have to admit, I pushed back. For just a brief moment, it seemed that here, this tiny woman would finally be able to give me the release that I had sought in the arms of countless men. She pushed me against the wall and then shoved her hands under my skirt. She pushed aside my panties and lightly caressed me.

I went cold.

She was just as beautiful, passionate and sexy as ever, but the feel of her tiny hands on my girl was like a splash of cold water. They were too soft and smooth, without calluses; no roughness. Where was that ‘man’ scent that I was familiar with? C’mon ladies, some of you know what I’m talking about. That scent that your man has, that’s different for every man, but also vastly different from any woman. Where was the hardness? The truth is, the chill had actually started when I ground my hips into hers and failed to find that familiar pole that calls to me so often.

She was none too happy with me when I pulled back and explained that I had changed my mind. How do you explain to someone who has still your wetness on their fingers that you don’t want them? That they don’t have what you needed after all?

So, I’m not a lesbian, I thought about it. But, my life is increasingly empty now; I find myself longing for intimacy, a connection. It’s funny that I long for something I’ve never had, not even during my childhood.

And then I met Tyler. We saw each other and there was an instant connection. Despite frequent attempts on my part, it was several weeks before we were even sexually intimate. He talked about how much he enjoyed talking to me; and we seemed to have so much in common; he told me that he also worked in politics.

When he wasn’t taking up my actual time, he took my concentration away so much that people even started commenting on it at work. I was distracted all the time.

But something is going wrong now. It’s been more than a week since I’ve seen him and when I call, he only has a few words for me. He seems so distant and cold. I’ve gone over and over in my mind what I could have done to offend him, but. . . nothing.

I’m telling you all this personal information because I really don’t have anyone else to talk to. I don’t have any girlfriends and all of my relationships with men have been all sexual, so there’s no help there either.

So, can anyone offer any advice on what I can do?

Who is my Valentine?

2009-01-11T14:06:00.001-06:00

Your Result:

L Your valentine's name begins with the letter L! Do you know who it is? If not, keep an eye out, because you'll meet them very soon.

Ok, L, you've been called out. Where you at, man?

Who is My Valentine Quiz by QuizRocket.com fun quizzes!
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Am I Fat?

2009-01-10T18:39:00.003-06:00

Your Result:

Beautiful Yeah, you're fat. So what? All that means is that there is more of you to love. You're sick of hearing about diets and feeling pressure to lose weight. You don't have a problem with the way you look, and if it bothers other people, too bad. It's not like they're carrying you out of the room with a crane, right? Get over it people!

Er-rrmmm. I really didn't need to take this quiz. I figure if I need to ask the question, I already know the answer, right?

Am I Fat Quiz by QuizRocket.com fun quizzes!
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Thought-filled Thursday

2009-01-08T13:40:00.005-06:00

I'm going to borrow from a few of my blog buddies and just ramble a few thoughts away today. I don't really have a lot on my mind; well, actually, I have quite a few things on my mind, that's part of the reason it's been so hard for me to post lately, I don't know where to start.

First, have any of you heard about Neenah, a young woman in New Jersey, who has set up a website in order to search for a husband? She has given herself 52 weeks of dedicated search to find a husband. She has apparently captured the attention of, if not a man, but of the media! Tom Joyner, Essence Magazine and others have interviewed since she first set up her site. I first heard about her yesterday from MzTeeJaye and then I went over to my favorite natural hair care site and there is a 3-page + discussion about her. I hope she will be successful in her search.

Reviews seem to mixed. I just wonder why it has come to this; that we (women) have to advertise our availability. In my parents and grandparent's youth, it seemed so much more simple. It was understood that people would seek careers and begin families; men pursued woman; that was their role. Something has been lost in the translation now.

I do believe that she may be going a little to the extreme in her efforts, but I will likely follow her through this "social experiment", her words and see where it takes her.

Second, can someone PULEEZE tell me, why? Many of you read and followed my Love List, right? Did any of you notice ANYWHERE in that list of 100 qualities, that I wanted to be involved with a MARRIED man??!!

No? I thought not. Well, I just ran into another EX, who is MARRIED. Who, when he saw me, pulled me into this INTENSE embrace and held on like I was the second coming of Christ. "I'm so happy to see! I'm so happy to see you!" He's EX for a reason, so I really don't get this.

Can someone please tell me when I will meet a SINGLE man, who is anywhere near this happy to see me?

Third, I don't like double-minded people! I'm a very direct person. I speak my mind, with tact, though, but no one ever has to wonder where they stand with me. And I appreciate when I meet people with the same life philosphy. It just makes like more simple and bearable for me.

So, it irks me to no end when people call themselves "friend" and then behave in non-friendly ways; and then have the nerve to look hurt and behave angry when I call you on it. Regardless of what you speak, your actions define you as "the enemy" and I will be dealing with you as such and from a long handled spoon.

Fourth, I am so happy to see my son settle down and become more peaceful. As hard as it is to work full-time, take on the full responsibility to educate him, write, and socialize in a 24 hour day period, it is well worth it to me, to see him smile more, the watch him sleep throughout the night without nightmares, to actually see him sleep beyond the sunrise and feel less need to fight his way through life, I don't even really have the words to describe how this feels.

And finally, I am still writing. I have finally settled on an idea for my first novel. I had a friend of mine crackin' up last night, as I described these "voices" in my head (the characters y'all!) and how they interrupt my sleep and concentration during the day. I am compelled to put their stories on paper as quickly as possible, just so that they can leave me alone!! I would like to introduce one or two of them here, just as soon as I've tightened a few things up.

Oh what a relief it is. . .

2009-01-04T15:40:00.003-06:00

Some of you may be familiar with the saying, "Doctors make the worst patients." I used to think that what made them such bad patients was an unwillingness to release control and to allow another professional to step in and do his/her job. I've since come to know better.

I haven't posted on our therapy sessions recently, mostly because there's not much to add. We are in the 'process' phase of treatment, that is, going through the difficult change process and changing dysfunctional behavior patterns. I knew that Theraplay would not yield quick, immediate results, so I'm not disappointed. Indeed, our most recent efforts have been to recover ground lost during those short but impactful weeks in the school baby jail.

When I made the decision to begin family therapy, there was a conscious choice on my part to relinquish all control to whichever professional I chose to work with; this is why it took me so long to settle on a therapist. I tend to be a little on the bossy side, so please appreciate what a difficult choice that was for me. I commited that I would not second guess any recommendations and that I would at least attempt to implement any and all suggestions . . . at least before disagreeing.

Here's why I think doctors and clinicians made difficult patients. It's not so much that we fail to relinquish control, I think it's because once we do, we engage in the same bad behaviors that many of our own patients do, perhaps acting just a little bit worse because we know better than most where the benefit comes in.

Therapy is a sacred place. It is intended to be one of the few places that one can express internal ugliness, insecurities, evil thoughts, whatever, and not be judged or held accountable for them. I believe that this process is necessary for a couple reasons: 1) you either act out in therapy or you act out in real life, but one way or another, those feelings will be expressed. For me, therapy is the safer option, and 2) it is only through working through and looking at the ugliness and dysfunction, that true change can begin.

Ok, so I said all that to confess that I've been acting out in therapy. Our therapist has gotten quite frustrated with me at times, mostly because I think she thinks I should know better. But to my way of thinking, she can't have it both ways. Either I maintain control and I tell her how to treat us, or I let go and take on all the privileges associated with being the client!

She is a very bright woman. At some point, she's gonna figure out that my acting out is a reflection of the trust that I have entrusted to her; trust to take care of us and get us through this process. Even though she gets frustrated, she hasn't given up on us , and I have pushed her hard, at least twice. She'll also come to understand that my acting out is limited to our "sacred" space, and because I have had this much needed release, I'm much more tolerant and understanding at home.

Nonetheless, y'all keep our family therapist in your prayers. She's gonna need them!

A New Beginning

2008-12-30T07:12:00.001-06:00

I’m sure that I’m not the only one eagerly looking forward to 2009! I can’t wait to see what the coming year holds in store for my family. Especially since, when I look back over some of my life experiences during 2008, my only response is a heartfelt,

“Whew! Glad that’s over!”

2008 produced an onslaught of job stress, family crises, conflicted relationships, and straining finances; I’m still trying to recover from pulling up at the gas station to see Regular Unleaded gas sold for $3.88!

We dealt with an uncooperative and at times, hostile, school system. I personally struggled to resolve a longstanding family issue. Unfortunately, I don’t always handle stress well. So, let’s add to the list a few extra pounds and insomnia.

But as low as my circumstances were this the past year, I am blessed by the knowledge that it could have been much worse. Every time I’m tempted to complain, I remember who is in control of not only my blessings but my trials as well.

In the midst of every crisis I’ve encountered, God was all over it. Yes, gas prices were absolutely horrid this year, but I didn’t walk once or ride a bus. Problems at school kept me on my knees, but the job I just started in March, allowed me to modify my schedule, making it possible to homeschool my child and remove him from that hostile environment. Dr John Guns from Jacksonville Florida arrived at ATOP in the spring, just when I had reached my emotional bottom. He spoke of how unresolved hurts kept us in bondage and emphasized the need to forgive those who hurt us. Forgiveness will set you free, he said. He was right! And . . . God allowed me to witness the election of the first African American president in the history of the United States!

And so, because of my financial crises, I’m a much better manager and steward over my finances. My relationships are slower to reach crisis point because of my renewed ability to listen with my heart instead of my ears. Even my productivity at work is improved in response to my gratitude. Oh, and because I’m getting better at turning my crises over to the Lord and learning to give Him praise even in the midst of my trials? I’ve lost 5 pounds! Yay! I’m also a little less cynical about the mindset of the American people or maybe, I can just see that there are others like me, who are finally ready for real change.

So, yes, I am grateful to see the end of 2008.

Whew! Glad that’s over!

I can’t wait to see God’s miracles of 2009.

Joy

2008-12-28T14:29:00.003-06:00

I hope each of you enjoyed your Christmas Day festivities.

We had an awesome day. I had several friends in town for the holidays and it was wonderful to catch up with them face to face.

I was assigned the "Best Mommy In the Whole World" award on Christmas morn and that kept a smile on my face for the next several days!

There were a few glitches; can't have a holiday without it, right? A couple people thought they would take the opportunity to spoil the milk, but fortunately, I was feeling way too good to give them purchase. My new motto is, "you're going to be unhappy before I give you the opportunity to f*&^ up my day!"

I'm now trying to get my mind back on work. Monday morning will come way too soon, so I have to start preparing now.

I hope that each of you had a blessed weekend!

Merry Christmas

2008-12-24T10:33:00.004-06:00

We wish everyone

a Merry Christmas and a prosperous New Year!

Jesus Christ is the Reason!

The Rings: A short film study by Nequella Demery

2008-12-22T16:27:00.003-06:00

I just watched a great short film by a friend of my friend. Nequella Demery is an up and coming filmmaker. She has written and directed "The Rings" which is currently highlighted on YouTube.

So, make sure you check out her film, "The Rings". View it and leave comments on the site and then tell your friends and family because the more people who watch it, the better "heat" it will generate on the YouTube User Community.

The Three Little Pigs Killed Santa

2008-12-19T12:03:00.004-06:00

I've been having an on-again, off-again discussion (argument) with my son about Santa Claus. Trying to convince this child of mine that Santa is NOT the reason for the season is like trying to light a match in a windstorm. Of course, mommy doesn't know everything (in his 7 year old mind) and my argument is weakened by the fact that everything around us says otherwise.

Every holiday themed cartoon is about Santa or Rudolph or the Polar Express, I mean, where IS Jesus??

I have been clear from day one . . . there is no big, fat, white man sliding down our chimney to bring us ANYTHING! And just when I thought the message finally hit home, some friends took him to the mall to see a black Santa. Now, he thinks he's finally won the argument.

"See, mommy? Here's the picture. And you're right, he's not white, he's black!!"

Ok. So maybe. . . I'll just show him this clip and tell him that the Three Little Pigs ate him?

Well . . . maybe not.

Bad mommy!!

Kiaya's New Renaissance

2008-12-18T10:10:00.003-06:00

I love the Harlem Renaissance. I think what appeals to me most is the conscious decision made by many black artists and intellectuals of their time to live free, both in thought and deed, despite the dictates of what society and even members of their own culture decided was proper.

You probably know several of the more well known artists and writers of the time: Zora Neale Hurston, Langston Hughes, Wallace Thurman, Paul Lawrence Dunbar and Alain Locke. Wikipedia says:

Challenging white paternalism and racism, African-American artists and intellectuals rejected merely imitating the styles of Europeans and white Americans and instead celebrated black dignity and creativity. Asserting their freedom to express themselves on their own terms as artists and intellectuals, they explored their identities as black Americans, celebrating the black culture that had emerged out of slavery and their cultural ties to Africa.

You see evidence of this in Ms Hurston's "Their Eyes Were Watching God"; have you ever read a more liberating experience for a black woman, hell, any woman, in the 1920's, to look in the eyes of her community and defiantly decide to live her life according to her own terms and love in her own way?

Wallace Thurman was another who constantly challenged people around him; they were often mistaken and then angered to find that within his very dark skin housed a highly intelligent and creative man. Oh, and the fact that he was openly gay too just kinda pissed people off.

I recently ran across the works of one of the lesser known Renaissance Niggerati, Richard Bruce Nugent; writer, actor, artist, unconventional personality. He died in 1987 in poverty, and was the subject of a 2004 movie "Brother to Brother."

I almost overlooked this movie because it was promoted as a love story between two gay men, one young, the other old. Fortunately, I gave it my usual 15 minute test; that is, if you can't capture and hold my attention in the first 15 minutes of a movie, then I change the channel.

I'm so glad I did. This movie was so much more than gay sex/love. It was a creative biography of Mr. Nugent's life and experiences with his fellow Renaissance artists. He offered first hand accounts about Langston, Zora, Wallace and others. He is probably LESS known because he chose to LIVE his life rather than WRITE about it. His only novel, "Gentleman Jigger", while written in the 1920s, was not published until 2002.

His friend, Thomas Wirth wrote: Nugent was persistently unconventional in both his life and his work. He refused to pursue a "career." He refused to permit others to impose on him their definitions of who he ought to be either as an artist, an African American or a "man." He insisted on freedom when freedom was not allowed.

"Freedom when freedom was not allowed." Can you see how powerful this is? This is the new driving philosophy of my life. Just wait.

The Countdown Tag

2008-12-17T23:05:00.003-06:00

I have been tagged by my blog friend TrueUrbanQueen. I'm laughing at her taggin' folk, since she has this interesting habit of ignoring when someone tags her. But that's all right. . . I'm going to be obedient, mostly because this is one of the more interesting exercises I've seen.

So the rules are:

Link back to the person who tagged you. (I did it, see above)
Answer the questions (I'm going to do my darndest, see below)
Tag 7 other bloggers (just as soon as I think of the ones most likely to cooperate)
Let them know in the comments they were tagged. (will do)

10 random things about me:

I am a speed hound.

I have one child and two dogs.

I wear my hair natural, mostly twists, braids, and 'fros.

I have never smoked a joint, BUT

I can out drink anyone at a party.

I love the color purple.

I am becoming a writer (I just need a tad more discipline).

I am the oldest of four children (see where the bossiness comes from?).

I am a mental health therapist but. . .

I do not try to analyze people I meet socially (too damn much work!!).

9 ways to win my heart:

Give me yours

Pay attention

Put in time and effort

Call during day/night, send emails, texts

Love my child

Don't expect intelligent conversation before 9 am

Don't judge or hold me or my actions to your ex's unrealistic standard

Don't limit yourself or me

Lots of great sex

8 things I want to do before I die:

See my child grow into a successful adulthood

Complete and publish at least two novels

Win the lottery and never HAVE to work again, though I probably will.

Get married

Have another child (either by birth or adoption)

Take a year (or two) off to work in Africa (the conscripted child soldiers have my heart)

I would like to own a high performance sports car and drive it up to or more than 130 mph

Eat like I want to without worrying about gaining weight

7 ways to annoy me:

Call me on the phone, start talking non stop, as if you and I are already in the middle of a long conversation and then express annoyance when I ask you what you're talking about.

Tell me what I'm doing wrong with my child and parenting in general

Expect that I will cook for you rather than simply enjoying it when I do

Unsolicited advice (about anything)

Talk badly about the elderly, the infirm, or children, in front of me

Call me anything BUT a child of God

Expect me to be ANYWHERE before 10 am on the weekends

6 things I believe in:

God

Family

Loyalty

The power of prayer

The value of alone-time

Joy found in my child's smile

5 things I am afraid of:

dying and making my child an orphan, again

confined spaces

rejection

failure/mediocrity

chronic illness

4 of my favorite things

Chocolate and Merlot

Reading/Writing

casual time with friends

a man who gives pedicures

3 things I do daily:

Tell my child that I love him

Hug somebody

Express my gratitude to God about anything He has done at any given moment

2 things I want to do within the hour:

make love

go to sleep (not necessarily in this order)

1 person I want to see right now:

my lover

I tag the following bloggers
CaliDreams
IAMME
KayC

I know this isn't a list of 7, but everyone else has already been tagged!

White House Butler

2008-12-16T14:31:00.001-06:00

Eugene Allen, 89, a retired White House butler, tries on his old tuxedo for a photo. Allen, who served eight presidents during a period when America 's racial history was being rewritten, is marveling at the election of Barack Obama.

Now retired, he started when blacks were in the kitchen.
By Wil Haygood
November 7, 2008

Reporting from Washington -- For more than three decades, Eugene Allen worked in the White House, a black man unknown to the headlines. During some of those years, harsh segregation laws lay upon the land.

He trekked home every night to his wife, Helene, who kept him out of her kitchen.
At the White House, he worked closer to the dirty dishes than to the Oval Office. Helene didn't care; she just beamed with pride.

President Truman called him Gene. President Ford liked to talk golf with him. He saw eight presidential administrations come and go, often working six days a week.

"I never missed a day of work," Allen said.

He was there while racial history was made: Brown vs. Board of Education, the Little Rock school crisis, the 1963 March on Washington , the cities burning, the civil rights bills, the assassinations.

When he started at the White House in 1952, he couldn't even use the public restrooms when he ventured back to his native Virginia . "We had never had anything," Allen, 89, recalled of black America at the time. "I was always hoping things would get better."

In its long history, the White House -- note the name -- has had a complex and vexing relationship with black Americans.

"The history is not so uneven at the lower level, in the kitchen," said Ted Sorensen, who served as counselor to President Kennedy. "In the kitchen, the folks have always been black. Even the folks at the door -- black."

Before Gene Allen landed his White House job, he worked as a waiter at a resort in Hot Springs , Va. , and then at a country club in Washington .

He and wife Helene, 86, were sitting in the living room of their Washington home. Her voice was musical, in a Lena Horne kind of way. She called him "Honey." They met at a birthday party in 1942. He was too shy to ask for her number, so she tracked his down. They married a year later.

In 1952, a lady told him of a job opening in the White House. "I wasn't even looking for a job," he said. "I was happy where I was working, but she told me to go on over there and meet with a guy by the name of Alonzo Fields."

Fields was a maitre d', and he immediately liked Allen.

Allen was offered a job as a "pantry man." He washed dishes, stocked cabinets and shined silverware. He started at $2,400 a year.

There was, in time, a promotion to butler. "Shook the hand of all the presidents I ever worked for," he said.

"I was there, honey," Helene said. "In the back maybe. But I shook their hands too." She was referring to White House holiday parties, Easter egg hunts.

They have one son, Charles, who works as an investigator with the State Department..

"President Ford's birthday and my birthday were on the same day," he said. "He'd have a birthday party at the White House. Everybody would be there. And Mrs. Ford would say, 'It's Gene's birthday too!' "

And so they'd sing a little ditty to the butler. And the butler, who wore a tuxedo to work every day, would blush.

"Jack Kennedy was very nice," he went on. "And so was Mrs. Kennedy."

He was in the White House kitchen the day Kennedy was slain. He got an invitation to the funeral. But he volunteered for other duty: "Somebody had to be at the White House to serve everyone after they came from the funeral."

The whole family of President Carter made Helene chuckle: "They were country. And I'm talking Lillian and Rosalynn both." It came out as the highest compliment.

First Lady Nancy Reagan came looking for him in the kitchen one day. She wanted to remind him about the upcoming state dinner for German Chancellor Helmut Kohl. She told him he would not be working that night.

"She said, 'You and Helene are coming to the state dinner as guests of President Reagan and myself.' I'm telling you! I believe I'm the only butler to get invited to a state dinner."

Husbands and wives don't sit together at these events, and Helene was nervous about trying to make small talk with world leaders. "And my son said, 'Momma, just talk about your high school. They won't know the difference.'

"The senators were all talking about the colleges and universities that they went to," she said. "I was doing as much talking as they were.

"Had champagne that night," she said, looking over at her husband.

He just grinned: He was the man who stacked the champagne at the White House.

Colin L. Powell would become the highest ranking black of any White House to that point when he was named Reagan's national security advisor in 1987. Condoleezza Rice would have that position under President George W. Bush.

Gene Allen was promoted to maitre d' in 1980. He left the White House in 1986, after 34 years. President Reagan wrote him a sweet note. Nancy Reagan hugged him tight.

Interviewed at their home last week, Gene and Helene speculated about what it would mean if a black man were elected president.

"Just imagine," she said.

"It'd be really something," he said.

"We're pretty much past the going-out stage," she said. "But you never know. If he gets in there, it'd sure be nice to go over there again."

They talked about praying to help Barack Obama get to the White House. They'd go vote together. She'd lean on her cane with one hand, and him with the other, while walking down to the precinct. And she'd get supper going afterward. They went over their election day plans more than once.

"Imagine," she said.

"That's right," he said.

On Monday, Helene had a doctor's appointment. Gene woke and nudged her once, then again.. He shuffled around to her side of the bed. He nudged Helene again.

He was all alone.

"I woke up and my wife didn't," he said later.

Some friends and family members rushed over. He wanted to make coffee. They had to shoo the butler out of the kitchen.

The lady he married 65 years ago will be buried today.

The butler cast his vote for Obama on Tuesday. He so missed telling his Helene about the black man bound for the Oval Office.

Haygood writes for the Washington Post.

Feelings

2008-12-15T15:15:00.003-06:00

The definition of feelings:

emotional or moral sensitivity or a complex and usually strong subjective human response. Although feeling and emotion are sometimes interchangeable, feeling is the more general and neutral, whereas Emotion often implies the presence of excitement or agitation.

I had hoped that by looking at the definition of this word, I may better understand the hows and whys of feelings. Human beings experience both feelings and emotions about a wide range things, our children, family members, a cute bootie walking down the street, a good book or novel or even a sports event. I particularly like the following description:

The capacity of the soul for emotional states; a high degree of susceptibility of emotions or states of sensibility not dependent on the body.

I think what I am really interested in is not so much the definition, but an understanding of how attachments based on feelings develop and how they are maintained over the long haul.

With my child, the answer is easy. He's mine. We are in the beginning of a lifetime of shared experiences. While he is young, he is dependent on me for his very survival. God gave him a cute smile and charming ways, so that I won't toss him out a window when he pisses me off. I will love this kid and eventual man until the end of my days and there is nothing that can change that.

Grown up attachments based on feelings are not as easily defined. People come together for a variety of reasons, shared or common interests, one has something the other needs or desires, sex/lust, financial resources, whatever.

What I'm less clear about is what maintains that attachment once established. I mean, feelings and emotions are like smoke and they are often situationally based. So, what has happened when you spend years getting to know someone, loving them, sharing your life with them, and then suddenly, one partner or the other loses interest? Or when you meet someone for the first time and KNOW that you will/can love them for a lifetime, and you do? What has happened here?

How is it possible that I can be deeply in love with someone for years and they do one or more stupid things and I feel nothing? Or I can meet someone and within a few weeks develop an attachment so deep that it is maintained, even through periods of no contact at all?

Just curious. . .

Mother/Father

2008-12-11T17:10:00.003-06:00

I am both mother and father to my 7 year old son; tends to go with the territory of single parenting. Most of the time, I feel comfortable responding to whichever role my son requires on any given day. Please understand, I don't think I can teach him to be a man; I realize that only another man can do that, but for the basics, I think I'm more than equipped to help.

It helps that I am not "girly". I'm as much woman as the next, but my interests tend to be broader than what is stereotypically female. I like makeup but I rarely wear it. I frequently have spa days and I love having someone give me a pedicure, but you will rarely find my nails painted. I can't stand shopping, I don't gossip, my range of conversation rarely includes the beauty shop, the latest **whatever**, bag, dress, you fill in the blank for whatever works for you.

I competently manage my household and don't look to others to help or assume responsibility. I've got the basics down when it comes to a hammer and nail; I can do small repairs around the house, and I can sew on a button or fix a hem in a pinch.

I have no interest in sports nor do I try to keep up with team sports. But I understand the rules of football, basketball, soccer, baseball and rugby and can hold a fairly decent conversation about either if called upon. This is mostly because I want to be able to follow my son when he leaves the soccer field or basketball court talking about various skills he has.

I refuse to learn how to change a tire on my car or to mow my own lawn. I got into an argument with a former lover, or I should say, I was fussed at by this same person, for my lack of interest in developing these skills.

"You're supposed to be this great feminist. How dare you let other people do things for you?" He accused in outrage. I replied that because I AM a feminist, I have the right to choose to do what I want. Besides, no offense to the men, for I really appreciate that for some, chivalry is not dead, but anytime I look like I need to do either task, some man pushes me out of the way and takes on the responsibility himself. I don't like getting dirty, so this seems perfectly reasonable to me to leave it to the men.

So, I say all this to say, that I feel comfortable responding to most needs of my child. And when the time comes that he needs a little more, I have several male role models available to him on speed dial.

Earlier this week, when, after picking up my son from his afterschool program, he approached me in tears, reporting that BJ had put him in a choke hold and had called his mother (me) an ugly name. Normally, I leave children to work out their own problems; this is after all, part of the socialization process. If I came in as Super Mommy to the rescue whenever he got into trouble, I would be handicapping him. I generally teach him to avoid starting fights with his peers, to find a talking solution to problems and when that doesn't work, tell an adult.

But what I haven't taken into account is that some kids are just plain MEAN! Just because. And it is the nature of boys to be aggressive. So, my way left him with a sense of helplessness and made him a target for bullying. At that moment, I realized how nice it would be if we had a daddy around.

But, we don't have a daddy, right? So that leaves me.

In my typical logical form, I told my son that just because a person says something about another does not make it true. There are some things he should just ignore or laugh off.

And as we got in the car, I added, "and if I hear of you crying because you let another child punk you out, I'm going to punk you! I expect you to try to avoid problems, but if someone hits you or otherwise put their hands on you, I expect you to knock them the "F" out!"

Ok, so I didn't actually say the "f" word to my child, but my meaning was clear. Then we practiced elbow jabs, punches and ways of getting out of choke holds.

I'm doing my best.

Secret

2008-12-10T18:10:00.005-06:00

I've been playing true confessions this week, so here's one more. I recently ran across this song again and totally forgot (almost) how much I enjoyed it. This song is solely responsible for my first slippery step into hell. . .

A black woman speaks

2008-12-09T14:20:00.001-06:00

a truth revealed

2008-12-07T15:31:00.002-06:00

Satan has been whispering in my ear this weekend. I really should've expected this recent attack; my house is becoming peaceful again, and he just has to muck with me about something! This time, he has chosen to get to me through temptation.

Most of the time, I am a self-disciplined person. I take responsibility for my actions and I act according to whether I want to deal with the consequences of my actions. I have a couple friends that repeatedly tell me that I need to relax a bit, and you may feel that way too, but I have developed this strategy of behaving for a reason.

I'm not a good girl.

I know I look that way. I have spent years cultivating this act; sometimes it's so good that I even fool myself. But, between you and me, if I didn't take control of my nature. . . well, let's just say, bad things could happen.

As I said, satan has been burning up my ear this weekend.

Married dude is overall, a good guy. Outgoing personality, friendly, loving father. Despite his calls and texts over the past couple months, he has kept it clean and has not pushed any real barriers.

This weekend, I started it. I threw out the first provocative comment, I am the queen of sexual innuendo and he is the king. I opened the door and he stepped right up to the threshold.

The only thing that stopped me from yanking him all the way through was 1) all of my smack talk was done through texts (gave me a little distance), 2) he does not know where I live (and because we weren't face to face, I resisted the impulse to tell him); and 3) I had not arranged for a sitter.

I'm writing down this pitiful confession because I need to come clean with myself and y'all might help to keep me honest. In an earlier post, I asked about needing the right words to make him leave me alone. I really didn't. I just need to deal with me.

I'm not interested in a relationship with him. Even without a wife and kids, he has some serious character flaws that I know I would be unable to tolerate in the long run. But he has something that I need (and no, I'm not going for the obvious!).

My last relationship ended about a year or so ago. Good man, good father, good provider. He was attracted to my "good girl" persona, which I encouraged, but after awhile, I started giving hints for him to dig a little deeper. He wasn't buying it though.

The beginning of the end of our relationship occurred one night while we were out with friends at a nightclub for a night of jazz. I felt inspired to show him how much I loved him and invited him to join me in the ladies' room, or men's room, at that point I wasn't particular. His face went through a series of changes. . . initially a naughty smile, then shock, and finally disgust when he realized I was perfectly serious. On another occasion, while on vacation, I tried to seduce him on the balcony of our 19th floor, ocean front hotel room. Mind you, this was a little tame for me, but I thought this would be a good compromise for him. He ran inside and grabbed a blanket to cover my nakedness and then began to lecture me on propriety.

I couldn't be myself and he did not want to know the real me.

But married dude?

He was right there with me. In fact, there were at least a couple times, he made my jaw dropped. (I quickly recovered though). He embraced all the loving I had to give and taught me how to even take it up another notch.

That was before I knew he belonged to someone else, of course.

I've been in good girl mode since that last relationship. I'm not willing to subjugate my nature again; I prefer to wait for the right one to come along. In the relationship I felt stifled and was led to believe that my desires, which I had only for him, made me 'nasty' or 'unclean' somehow. This only led to resentment, on both our parts.

But I realize now that I'm giving missed messages; because I need more than what my persona implies. Which made me just ripe for the picking for married dude's latest arrival.

So, obviously, I need to modify my Love List a little more. I don't think I actually said he would have to be single, so I'm saying it now. #102: Must be single. I implied that I needed someone sexually adventurous, but maybe I need to state that more clearly also. #103: Must be sexually adventurous and willing to embrace my "bad girl."

I also need to drop, or at least, lower my good girl act when in mixed company; I've been doing it so long though, that I don't always recognize it until it's too late.

I know my man is out there. I'm not looking for him in Married Dude, or any other attached nut (pun intended).

But, boo, I'm thinking that this would be a really good time for you to show yourself, before I get into real trouble.

Grossology

2008-12-07T09:33:00.003-06:00

We traveled about an hour away to visit the Grossology Exhibit. It is a national exhibit that travels to various cities throughout the year. The name really says it all; it is the Science of all that is gross in the body. Perfect for a pair of 7 year olds!!

Our science lesson this past week focused on the human digestive system. The exhibit provides a lesson plan on their website, so we were prepared for much of what we saw on Saturday. Knowing how long it takes for the bladder to fill up, the contents of snot, and the length of time it takes for food to progress from mouth to anus, just made it that more meaningful!

Tempted

2008-12-06T23:02:00.003-06:00

It's Saturday night and text messaging is of the devil! This is the only thing I'm going to say about this subject. I need y'all to pray for me. Seriously!

more music charts

Eric Benet

2008-12-05T13:54:00.003-06:00

A friend of mine has had Mr. Benet, formerly Mr Berry, on the mind for the past week. So this collection is dedicated to Pam! The pleasure of this visual presentation, however, is purely mine!

He recently talked about his "sex addiction" and treatment to EbonyJet. I find it interesting to watch people backpeddle.

Enjoy!

How Ghetto are you?

2008-12-04T14:37:00.002-06:00

Ok, I'm getting back to work now. . .

How Ghetto are you?

My Quiz Result: You aren't really ghetto.

Take this quiz: How Ghetto are you?

You can also take more quizzes, myspace quizzes and fun quizzes on personality, love and other topics.

The World's Easiest Quiz

2008-12-04T14:30:00.002-06:00

I actually failed MOST of them. . . that's what I get for playin' instead of workin'

The World's Easiest Quiz

My Quiz Result: You have failed the worlds easiest quiz. You gave more wrong answers than right.

Take this quiz: The World's Easiest Quiz

You can also take more quizzes, myspace quizzes and fun quizzes on personality, love and other topics.

The Hunt

2008-12-03T07:00:00.001-06:00

Remember the married dude, the former lover that I did not KNOW was married and who disappeared as soon as I found out; the one that re-emerged a couple months back? I know that it seemed that I'd lost my mind for a few, but I eventually came back to myself. The only reason I'm mentioning him now is that he has yet to stop calling or pursuing me.

He dropped off for a couple weeks after his initial pursuit when I told him that whatever he had in mind for us, sex was no longer up for negotiation. When I failed to beg and plead for him to be my lover again, he came back. For the past month or so, I have some type of contact with him every two or three days. Mind you, I am not initiating any of this contact, nor am I encourage him. But I have to admit to a certain curiosity about his intentions.

I believe that he is one of those men who are turned on by the pursuit and then quickly loses interest once his prey has been captured. When I have shown interest, I can't find him and then when I forget that he exists, I can't escape his attention. I can hear my friends Chez and Vernon in my head asking me why I even care, if I'm not interested in him anyway. And perhaps they have a point, but human nature has always been an interest of mine and I like to know what motivates people to do some of the things they do. I still don't understand why he would have a perfectly nice family at home and still catting around on the side. The ease of his pursuit leaves me with no illusions that I am his only prey either. Why are you married if you want to live like you're single?

Anyway, there's no real point to this post, I'm curious about what your experiences may have been and maybe someone can offer some insight or give me the code word that will make him leave me alone. One of my more goofy friends suggested that I should just sleep with him. . .

Adventures in Homeschooling

2008-12-02T19:02:00.003-06:00

As some may know, we made the decision recently to remove my child from the public school system and try homeschooling. This was a difficult process and decision, but the alternative was not to be considered, and so, here we are. No one is more surprised than I am that I could maintain a full time job and meet and even exceed his educational needs. Thank God for an employer who allows me to be flexible in my schedule.

We are now in our second week and my conclusion so far is "why didn't I do this sooner?"

Aside from the fact that I now have TWO full time jobs, the sacrifice is well worth the extra efforts. I have a brilliant little boy!! I can say that without bragging since I did not contribute to his DNA. He absorbs new information like a sponge! I can actually see the excitement about learning returning to his eyes and he eagerly looks forward to each new lesson. I am also gradually seeing a reduction in the anxiety and stress that had become such a part of him in the past few months.

As is par for the course for me, I've been researching my butt off about different homeschooling philosophy, methods and curricula. I naively assumed that I could do a simple Google search for 2nd grade homeschooling, and would find a single unit or recommendation for instruction. Uh. . . NO! Apparently, the predominant idea is that since I have chosen to take responsibility for his education, I can pretty much teach him whatever I want.

One of the recommendations that I am taking to heart is to let my child dictate and guide what and how I will teach. Whichever curriculum I choose should take advantage of his strengths and maximize his weaknesses. The pace of instruction will be dictated by his ability to absorb and internalize the information. I now understand that part of his struggles in the regular classroom is that he does not require a stepwise progression to learning; he is a concept/abstract learner, a big picture thinker. He gets really impatient when I try to teach in increments; ok, his mommy is a big picture thinker too, so things just got really interesting for me!

Even though he is nearly a semester behind, due to all of the chaos that has been going on since September, he reads on a 3rd or 4th grade level. So, I'm KO'ing the weekly Spelling tests and we're now focusing on building Reading Comprehension. Math and Science comes naturally to him too; and so I know I will have to be creative and more experiential in these subjects than I am perhaps comfortable with.

I found a curriculum that I will use as a base, KONOS. It is Christian based and focuses on developing values and character. We start each morning with a brief bible study and each semester is driven by a character theme: our theme for the next several weeks is Obedience. The lessons are active and hands on, with very few paper/pencil, worksheet lessons.

I will supplement KONOS with traditional reading, writing, math, and science lessons because I know that he will, at some point, return to a formal education system, and I want him to have an easy transition.

So, let the adventure begin. . .

O Give Thanks

2008-11-26T12:25:00.002-06:00

Psalm 100

Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all ye lands!
Serve the Lord with gladness,
Come before His presence with singing.
Know ye that the Lord, He is God.
It is He that hath made us and not we ourselves.
We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.
Enter into His gates with thanksgiving.
And into His courts with praise.
Be thankful unto Him and bless His name.
For the Lord is good,
His mercy is everlasting,
And His truth endureth to all generations!

This is the time of year for reflections. TV and cable will soon bombard us with the Top 100 this and Top 100 that of 2008. People tend to look back over the past year and assess how well our expectations from the previous year have been realized. I like to think that reviewing the past helps me to orient and fixate on my future.

I typically do not do resolutions, mostly because I've never been able to successfully pull one off! I think I've got this personality flaw that rebels against being held to a standard or rule. If you tell me I must do something, even if it's in my best interest, I'm likely to do the opposite. I know, what are you gonna do? Sue me!

So, instead, I choose to focus on where I am at any given point in time; if I'm complaining or annoyed about how something is going, I figure out one or two small things I need to do to change it. I detest complaining and complainers; when I get dissatisfied about something, this becomes my call to action to make a change.

Looking back over the past year reminds me of how much further down my journey I have come. There have been ups and downs, and I ain't gon' lie, there've been times this year that I have wanted to throw up my hands and say, "I done." But even in the midst of the chaos, y'all, I've been blessed! As bad as some things have been, they could've been worse and I'm still here. So, there's hope.

I am taking this opportunity to say thanks and focus on my many blessings and acts of grace God has provided for me this past year. I thank Him for all that he has done, and like the song says, even if He never does anything else for me, I wanna say, Thank you!

Thank you, God:

for life

for the sacrifice of your son Jesus

for my son, who is my joy and reason for living

for my family

for loving friends: Chez, Vernon, Pam, Kacy, Shella, EB, Jason, Derrick

for wonderful blog friends: TrueUrbanQueen, MsKnowItAll, Maggie, Mary63

for ongoing employment and employers who recognize and honor the family

for a vehicle that works and satisfies my need for speed

for a roof over our heads

for laughter and the pursuit of happiness

Thank you, Lord:

for allowing me to see the election of the first African American president

for the process of change that I will be able to experience first hand in coming years

for online shopping (you know I can't STAND crowds or shopping, just on general principle)

for reducing the price of gasoline, enabling many of us to travel much easier this season. We are now at $1.55 per gallon.

for my place of worship and a leader who follows You daily and guides us in Your truth

Thank you, Father:

for common sense (everybody ain't able!)

for peace of mind

for the ability to live in the moment and enjoy the pleasures available to me NOW, rather than pining for the unknown future. I know that You are working THAT out!

for the gift of forgiveness. I'm sleeping much better now!

for that beautiful man I saw this morning in the coffee shop! That skin, those eyes, deep dimples and long locs have been a constant source of imaginings all morning.

Oh Happy Day

2008-11-20T09:05:00.003-06:00

Well, it's done! Peace will finally reign in our house again. I no longer have to worry about catching a case over some mess at my son's school. I no longer have to leave him in a totally hostile environment and worry myself day and night due to my helplessness to change the situation.

We are homeschoolling.

My employers have allowed me to modify my work schedule, so that I can teach in the morning and my child will spend the rest of the day in a daycare surrounded by people who love and nurture him.

I am now prayerful that the nightmares will end. The constant face of anxiety will resolve. I'm praying that the need to fight and defend himself will finally come to an end. I'm hoping that his trust in my ability to take care of him will return.

My child overslept this morning. His anxiety usually drives him up about 5:30 am; this morning, it was after 7 before I dragged him out of bed. Once up he started singing:

We are the groovy cool cats
We are the groovy cool cats
We are the groovy cool cats
We are . . . cool cats.

This was sung to the Madagascar tune, I Like To Move it, Move it!

He has been announcing to any and all that would listen, "My mom's going to be my teacher!" And then in a quieter moment asked,

"do some mommy's pass their children along?"

"what do you mean baby?

"well, when they act bad? do mommies pass their children along?"

"well, some do, for various reasons, but you're not going anywhere. why do you ask?"

"well, I was just getting a little nervous, that's all."

Ok, so this mommy prays, "Lord, thank you for all of your blessings you bestow on us each and every day. I'm thanking you in advance for your spirit of peace and calmness that will soon permeate our house and within our hearts. Thank you for removing us from a toxic environment and allow us to bloom in this current circumstance. Amen.

Arkansas State University (Jonesboro) students face acts of racism and police brutality post Obama's victory celebration

2008-11-18T15:17:00.004-06:00

Some may have heard about a supposed "riot" taking place at the Arkansas State University in Jonesboro AR on election night November 4, 2008. Police arrested and have accused eight black college students of inciting a riot. These kids are at risk of losing their scholarships and possibly expelled from school, if they are convicted of the story. You can find the details here.

Eyewitnesses to the events claim that the kids were merely celebrating the victory of President-elect Obama and they have the video to prove it. In fact, one of the main officers who called for back up is seen in several pictures taking pictures with the college students! Two of the students are speaking out; the letter below is being circulated across the internet.

Man, I hope this is not what we have to look forward to in the next four years.

Greetings!

I am a student at Arkansas State University in Jonesboro, Arkansas. Following Obama's victory of the 2008 Presidential election we (ASU students) witnessed extreme police brutality and racially charged chaos in our area. Below is a statement of what went on. The media is only portraying one side of the story and have not yet given us the opportunity to tell our side to let it be known what really happened.

Following the results of the 2008 Presidential election, we all began to celebrate by means of meeting in the parking lot of the campus apartment complex. There were people, cheering, driving and blowing horns, and hanging out of their cars. When we arrived in the Grove Apartments, in front of building five (5), a crowd began to accumulate, at this point, a police officer drove up. Jeffrey Boyd, one of those arrested, went to the officer to ask if we needed to leave. He said no and congratulated us on Obama's victory. He also advised us that we could celebrate until 12:30 due to it being a school night. We then, continued to play music, cheer, and dance and take pictures. 10-15 minutes later, the same officer showed up again. He proceeded to tell us that he has been getting complaints from the nearby building and that we would have to turn off the music. The driver of the car immediately went to his car and turned off the music. At this point, we obeyed the officer's command and continued talking amongst ourselves and taking pictures, including one with the officer on patrol. Around 11:00 pm, the officer pulled up again this time he just sat in his car with the lights directly on the crowd. He sat in his car for about five minutes before three more cop cars pulled up. By now, the first officer was out his car telling us that we needed to leave. Due to it not being 12:30, people began to ask if there was a problem. The other officers had, by then, made their way to the crowd. While a few people talked to the officers, the crowd began to chant "OBAMA" again. The officers finally got the pathway cleared when an officer grabbed a bystander (Clifford Crisswell) and handcuffed him. Everyone automatically, came to his defense asking the officers what had he done wrong. Approximately 30 additional officers were now present as they began to handcuff three other guys (Seneca Hart, Kevin Jones, and Donte Jones), one of which whose chest had been pushed and covered with 6 or more infrared lights. The 30 officers continued on with their rant threatening us to either leave or be taken to jail. At this time, two guys were thrown to the ground (Kiano Prater and Leroy Trahan) with police lying on top of them. Jeffery Boyd, was later also thrown to the ground where he was continuously kicked in the stomach and head by a female officer before and after being cuffed and put in the car. The crowd began to leave due to the police repeatedly stating that they would release everyone if the crowd dispersed. At this point, everyone had made it their respective destinations. We looked out the apartment window to see police with dogs and rifles. We let no one in and no one was allowed to go out. The officers continued to search outside for about 30 minutes as if they were looking for something. After we were allowed to leave, we decided to go find out where the guys had been taken. When we arrived at the detention center at 12:00 am.(midnight), they told us that everyone was booked there except the guy (Jeffrey Boyd) who had been hospitalized due to injuries suffered. He and the female officer were at the hospital being treated. The officer on duty told us that some were going to be facing "failure to disperse" and "inciting a riot" charges. He then, gave us a number to call 2 hours later to get the outcome. When we called at 2:30, they told us that the guys had to stay throughout the night and would have been reporting to court at 1 pm the following day (November 5, 2008).

As previously stated, the media is only telling one side of the story, that being the story that the Jonesboro Police Department is giving out. Their reporting that there were 200-250 of students acting in a disorderly manner, when there were only 60-70 of us at the most CELEBRATING, with permission, a very momentous night. A few were interviewed on the scene, but none of their stories have been either published or aired. Six of those arrested are currently facing a Class D Felony for Inciting a Riot and one, Jeffery Boyd who was injured is facing two charges: inciting a riot and 2nd degree battery to a police officer. The guys are all upstanding young men. Some are seniors, fraternity members, well-known football players, and have no criminal background. We have video documentation of the incident and would like to get our side of the story heard, by all means.

This has been a nightmare to us all and if you can help in any way it would be greatly appreciated. PLEASE FORWARD THIS TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILY, AND CONSTITUENTS. TO HELP GET THE WORD OUT OF THIS GREAT INJUSTICE!!! WE NEED YOUR HELP!

Feel free to contact:
Chelsea Adams
chelsea.adams@smail.astate.edu

or

LC Kennedy
lc.kennedy@smail.astate.edu

Baptism

2008-11-17T08:16:00.007-06:00

My sweet baby was baptized yesterday, Nov 16, 2008. I thought he might be scared, but he and his other baptizees (about 7 boys ranging in age of 7-12), were excited about going through this process. It was a beautiful thing to watch their evident joy and to be witness to the beginning of their spiritual journeys.

So, as per usual, this proud mama has pictures.

Beautiful

2008-11-14T16:36:00.003-06:00

I'm Back!!

2008-11-14T16:12:00.003-06:00

Whew!! This has been an incredibly intense couple weeks! I almost feel like a soldier coming home from the battle field, I am so happy to return to this space. A quick glance around shows me that I have quite a bit of catching up to do.

I believe I mentioned a few posts back that I have been promoted to a new job. Well, for any of you who have ever created anything from scratch, you probably understand the intense pressure and scrutiny that I am under. I'm going to be scrong though, mostly because I think the worst of it has settled down.

In the midst of work stuff, I had several self-imposed projects that included a submission to fiction short story contest, an online writing course, and participation in the NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month, or something like that).

On top of that, my son's school is driving me nuts! I feel like all I've done these past few weeks, when not involved in the above is fight and cuss! I'm tired. When I heard myself screaming inside my head this morning when some rude ass cut me off in traffic, I knew something would have to give. Soon.

My employers have generously allowed me to adjust my work schedule. I am going to take my son out of the public school system and homeschool him. At least, until January. I'm looking for private school settings and I don't want to have to rush into any decisions.

Just making that decision went a long way to relieve the pressure in my head. Wish us luck on that.

Plans for the weekend? I've got 007 on my mind. I've already lined up my sitter and James and I are going to spend a couple exciting hours together tomorrow. My son is getting baptized Sunday morning and we're planning a family dinner after church. Y'all are welcome to join us!!

Why does the U.S. have an Electoral College?

2008-11-05T10:13:00.003-06:00

This article was forwarded to me by a friend. It was timely because, in the course of trying to explain the election process of an American president to my 7 year old son, I realized that I was missing some information; information that I probably slept on in my Civics class in high school. This article allowed me educate him with facts, not just with the vague idea I was initially going to do. LOL!!

Read the full article, with sources and more here.

Why does the U.S. have an Electoral College?

Why does the United States have an Electoral College when it would be so easy to directly elect a president, as we do for all the other political offices?

The framers of the Constitution didn't trust direct democracy.

When U.S. citizens go to the polls to "elect" a president, they are in fact voting for a particular slate of electors. In every state but Maine and Nebraska, the candidate who wins the most votes (that is, a plurality) in the state receives all of the state’s electoral votes. The number of electors in each state is the sum of its U.S. senators and its U.S. representatives. (The District of Columbia has three electoral votes, which is the number of senators and representatives it would have if it were permitted representation in Congress.) The electors meet in their respective states 41 days after the popular election. There, they cast a ballot for president and a second for vice president. A candidate must receive a majority of electoral votes to be elected president.

The reason that the Constitution calls for this extra layer, rather than just providing for the direct election of the president, is that most of the nation's founders were actually rather afraid of democracy. James Madison worried about what he called "factions," which he defined as groups of citizens who have a common interest in some proposal that would either violate the rights of other citizens or would harm the nation as a whole. Madison’s fear – which Alexis de Tocqueville later dubbed "the tyranny of the majority" – was that a faction could grow to encompass more than 50 percent of the population, at which point it could "sacrifice to its ruling passion or interest both the public good and the rights of other citizens." Madison has a solution for tyranny of the majority: "A republic, by which I mean a government in which the scheme of representation takes place, opens a different prospect, and promises the cure for which we are seeking."

As Alexander Hamilton writes in "The Federalist Papers," the Constitution is designed to ensure "that the office of President will never fall to the lot of any man who is not in an eminent degree endowed with the requisite qualifications." The point of the Electoral College is to preserve "the sense of the people," while at the same time ensuring that a president is chosen "by men most capable of analyzing the qualities adapted to the station, and acting under circumstances favorable to deliberation, and to a judicious combination of all the reasons and inducements which were proper to govern their choice."

In modern practice, the Electoral College is mostly a formality. Most electors are loyal members of the party that has selected them, and in 26 states, plus Washington, D.C., electors are bound by laws or party pledges to vote in accord with the popular vote. Although an elector could, in principle, change his or her vote (and a few actually have over the years), doing so is rare.

As the 2000 election reminded us, the Electoral College does make it possible for a candidate to win the popular vote and still not become president. But that is less a product of the Electoral College and more a product of the way states apportion electors. In every state but Maine and Nebraska, electors are awarded on a winner-take-all basis. So if a candidate wins a state by even a narrow margin, he or she wins all of the state’s electoral votes. The winner-take-all system is not federally mandated; states are free to allocate their electoral votes as they wish.

The Electoral College was not the only Constitutional limitation on direct democracy, though we have discarded most of those limitations. Senators were initially to be appointed by state legislatures, and states were permitted to ban women from voting entirely. Slaves got an even worse deal, as a slave officially was counted as just three-fifths of a person. The 14th Amendment abolished the three-fifths rule and granted (male) former slaves the right to vote. The 17th Amendment made senators subject to direct election, and the 19th Amendment gave women the right to vote.

-Joe Miller

Presidential possibilities

2008-11-05T10:05:00.000-06:00

The election of Barack Obama to the presidency of the United States of America will bring about many changes to our country, but have you really considered how things may be different?

*A picture of a black man will be posted in EVERY federal building in this country and not on the Post Office most wanted list.

*At some point, his face will grace the cover of our country's currency. I vote for the $5 bill since it sees more circulation. I bet someone has already been tasked to sort which ink combination to best suit his features.

*Michelle Obama has established a new standard of beauty and grace. How long will it take before Michelle resume's her practice of twisting and/or braiding her children's natural hair?

*We have a real possibility that our president will be able to facilitate a peaceful end to the middle eastern conflict.

Can you think of some others?